Katt Williams Live Page #6

---

"But, Daddy, this wasn't even in there. "

You just gotta figure out

how to deal with your kids.

I tell my son the truth.

I agree with whatever can be agreed with.

I know that nigga want everything,

but I understand he just want me to know.

He don't expect it.

This is him for an hour, watching TV, just...

"I love that bicycle, Daddy.

You see that bicycle?

"It got a bell and everything. I like bells.

I might as well just ring it.

"Ding, ding. You'd know I'm in

the driveway when I ring it.

"That movie come out Friday, Daddy.

We gonna be here Friday.

"We might as well see the movie Friday.

"I love Pokemon, Daddy.

"Pikachu! I love Pikachu, Daddy.

"That's Froot Loops.

Got vitamin C for boys and for girls.

"I love vitamin C, Daddy. "

This is me for an hour,

"Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep.

"Tomorrow, nigga, you never know.

"Yep. Yep. "

At the end of the hour, I ain't bought sh*t.

He ain't got sh*t.

We both happier than a motherf***er,

sitting on the couch.

I'm just saying,

do not let your kids stress you out.

See, I don't know

how you raise your kids.

We all raise our kids different,

and I know a lot of comics

mess with white people

and tell white people

they need to beat their kids.

But let me tell you something.

It ain't that.

It ain't like niggas got it all down pat

when it come to raising kids.

We all got problems.

We just got different problems.

It would seem like white people

are a little bit too lenient on their children

and niggas are a bit too harsh on ours.

All I'm saying is at the white family's house,

you can get time out

for setting the family dog on fire.

At the nigga household,

you can get beat half to death

for forgetting to feed the family dog.

Now, that's the same goddamn dog.

We just do sh*t differently.

But white people,

please take this back to your community.

Please stop putting your children

on them goddamn leashes.

That is just entertainment for niggas.

We... Oh, we can't wait to see

that sh*t in the store.

We get right by the register, just...

That's why white little kids wake up

and grow up

to be twenty-six

and kill everybody in the family,

'cause you done had them

on the leash like a dog.

They just in the toy store, just,

"I want it. I want it. I... "

Now, black people laughing

like we got the sh*t down pat.

We ain't no good, neither.

You got to stop beating your motherfucking

kids in the goddamn grocery store.

You just in the checkout line,

soon as your baby touch the Skittles, you...

"Didn't I tell you not... "

"Just... Ma'am, that baby is a toddler.

"You can't beat that... "

Just saying, don't let your kids

stress you out.

I don't know how you raise your kids,

but I'm a pimp.

Not because I put women on the street.

I think pimp, therefore I am.

I see some niggas writing it down.

Feel free. Feel free.

So,

the first rule of pimping is you don't lie.

So I don't lie to my son about nothing.

He's nine. He ain't never

believed in Santa Claus. I'm sorry.

I cannot afford for him

to walk around thinking there's a white man

going though the ghetto,

giving niggas PlayStations.

"No, no. Daddy bought

that with his weed money, baby.

"Can you say 'sacrifice'?"

Sacrifice.

We have real conversations.

That nigga came to me

a few months ago. He said,

"Daddy, I want an Xbox. "

I said, "Sit right here, pimpin.

"Let Daddy holler at you.

"Now, the first thing I need you

to understand is the Xbox

"is $199.99.

"Now, Daddy can do this all day, every day.

No problem.

"But I need you to understand

it only comes with one controller.

"That mean Daddy can't play with you.

Your friends can't play with you.

"It's just you.

"That mean I gotta buy

another controller at $34.95.

"Now, Daddy can do this all day,

every day. No problem.

"But I need you to understand

it only come with two demo games.

"You gonna be through

with them motherfuckers tonight.

"That mean I got to buy four or five

other games at $45 to $55 apiece.

"Now, Daddy can do this all day,

every day. No problem.

"Or I can look in the newspaper

under the classified section

"and I can get you what's known as

a Nintendo 64.

"Now, it's not gonna be new.

"So it's gonna come with, like, 20 games

"that other kids have already opened

and played with to make sure it's fun.

"Then me and you got, like, $300 left over.

"We can go all across

the country stopping ice-cream trucks.

"Buy six nuggets. Don't eat six. Eat three.

"Throw the other three out the window,

"'cause we don't give a f***,

'cause we got money like that. "

And that nigga sit right there,

make a pimp decision.

He's just, "You say 20 games?

"Well, we're just going to get

the Nintendo, then, Daddy. "

That's my motherfucking nigga!

Make a pimp decision!

When the new Jordans come out,

I take that nigga to the Foot Locker

with the rest of the children,

and let him try them on.

"No, they tight. They tight.

"All right, I want you to do me a favor.

"I want you to run down this aisle real quick.

I'm gonna time you.

"On your mark,

"get set, go!

"Five seconds! Five seconds!

"That was good. That was good.

Take them off. Put them off.

"Come with Daddy to Payless.

I want to show you something.

"I want to show you something.

"Now, put the Batmans on.

Put the Batmans on.

"Make sure the Velcro is tight.

Make sure the Velcro is tight.

"On your mark, get set, go!

"Three seconds!

All I'm saying is you're faster in the Batmans.

"Now, sit right here, pimpin.

Let Daddy holler at you.

"Now, if you want the Jordans,

"Daddy gonna get you the Jordans

all day, every day. No problem.

"But for the same price as the Jordans,

"you can get the Batmans, the Robins,

the Pokemons, the Digimons,

"You can get... These don't have no name,

but they light up every time you walk.

"Just every step you take. "

And that nigga bling-bling out the store.

He just...

Just saying,

don't let your kids f*** with you.

I learned my lesson.

Some of y'all do all your Christmas sh*t,

don't get around paying the bills till October.

October 19, you still paying off sh*t

from last Christmas,

'cause you trying to keep up

with white people. F*** that.

Keep up with your budget.

You ain't got to spend all that money.

These is children.

You know, the same kids that play

with sticks and bricks?

Yes, the same motherfucking kids.

You done spent $1,300 dollars on Christmas.

Them motherfuckers don't even play with it

after the batteries run out.

This is bullshit.

You need to go to the 99-cent store

and buy them 100 toys.

They ain't gonna be name brand,

and they gonna tear up in a week,

but any child got to be happy

about 99 motherfucking toys.

My son was all under the tree, just,

"Daddy! Daddy!"

Nigga didn't even open them.

He just went to sleep. Just...

"I know my daddy love me.

I know my daddy love me.

"I know my daddy love me. "

Just saying, life is short.

Gotta work on your relationships.

If you in a bad relationship right now,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes