Katt Williams Live Page #7

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you can end that motherf***er tonight.

End it tonight.

Life is too short

for you to be in a f***ed-up relationship.

Just tonight, when the show is over,

just walk right past your vehicle

and keep on going.

Just, "No, I'm done. I'm done. Thank you. "

Go right on down Fifth. Just...

'Cause life is too short.

Women, I know...

I know you all been

talking about niggas ain't sh*t.

I know you been saying it.

I been hearing you.

That's not the case.

On behalf of all niggas here this evening,

I want you to know

it's just been a misunderstanding.

Y'all just don't understand us. We are simple.

Women, y'all think too much,

put too much pressure on yourself,

pay attention to too many magazines.

Niggas don't give a sh*t about most

of that stuff y'all be worried about.

"Oh, I think I'm gaining some weight,

and I got to get... " Every...

Every magazine a woman reads

say that you ain't sh*t.

Just every one. "You still wearing them

shoes? B*tch, you ain't sh*t. You ain't sh*t.

"Is that the makeup you're still wearing?

B*tch, you ain't sh*t. "

I think I can speak for all niggas

when I say we don't give a f***

about most of that sh*t.

It ain't a nigga in here

that ever been ready to f*** a woman

and then change his mind 'cause

she had on the wrong toenail polish.

It has never happened

in the history of mankind. Just,

"Oh, hell no. Is that plum?

No, that's plum, b*tch.

"No, not plum and red.

I can't do that. I can't. "

Women, you just gotta remember,

men are simple. We are simple.

We just want to work and f*** and eat.

And not necessarily in that order.

'Cause if a nigga can f***,

we ain't even hungry. "I'm okay. I'm okay.

"I ate yesterday. It was okay.

You got a Tic-Tac or something?

"A Tic-Tac would be nice. "

We just tired of women confusing us.

Women, stop confusing us. We are simple.

We are tired of being at the club,

you got a woman dancing all on you, just...

Done dance the crease

out of the nigga's pants. Just...

Now, after the club,

we excited as a motherf***er.

We on the car like this.

"So what's cracking?"

And y'all turn into a different motherf***er.

Y'all just...

"What kind of girl did you think I was?"

"I thought you were a whore.

"You were a whore over there.

I assumed you'd be a whore over here.

"Did we cross the no-ho line?

What the f*** happened?"

I know women be bothered by simple sh*t.

Women don't like it

when a man buy them a drink

and then follow them

all over the club all night.

Clap if you hate that, women.

Do you hate that?

See, once again,

this is just a simple misunderstanding.

I am not following you, b*tch.

I am following my $7 investment

in our relationship.

Now, if you don't want the drink,

then just say, "No, thank you. "

But don't take my investment

and run off with it.

You done hop in the car with another nigga.

Now, I'm in the parking lot, just...

"Uh, yeah, can I holler at you, player?

"Either you or her owe me $3.50.

That's all I'm saying.

"It could be you. It could be her.

It could be her. It could be you. It... "

Before I get out of here,

I gotta say something

that's going to be a bit controversial.

But I been thinking about it,

and it really needs to be said.

Hold on one second.

Thank you ever so much.

I heard a voice with some bass in it.

I just wanted to acknowledge that.

What did you say, sir?

Pimp in distress!

Yes, pimp in distress. 10-32.

I know my hairdresser is quite frustrated.

I done sweated out every goddamn curl

that b*tch put in,

just 38 seconds.

Braid it!

Hairdressers be throwing out

gang signs in Cincinnati. Yo.

What y'all got, like, 100 hair salons?

Yeah.

What's the name of the best one?

No, that just where you go.

That's just where you go.

All right, I gotta say this.

I want you to know before I say this

that a third of the niggas in here

are not going to be happy

about what the f*** I'm getting ready to say.

But I want you know

that I have been this size all of my life,

which means I'm not scared of sh*t, nigga.

I've been unconscious before,

and it wasn't that bad.

I woke up in the club, nigga,

I was well rested and everything.

Start talking sh*t,

"Well, where's the nigga now?

"Nigga can't get a power nap in this b*tch?"

And remember that this is just my opinion.

As far as I'm concerned,

there only two types of niggas,

real niggas and b*tch niggas.

Now...

Now, if you're not sure where you fit in,

chances are you's a b*tch nigga.

You really are.

If you look around,

there's people looking at you right now

talking about,

"What is that b*tch nigga smiling about?"

But as real niggas, we have always known

that there were b*tch niggas.

We see them in the mall all the time.

They be waving, and you be, like,

"What is this b*tch nigga waving at?"

But now b*tch niggas are becoming

a problem for real niggas.

B*tch niggas are now starting

to cost real niggas money.

You see, there are more lesbians now

than there have ever been.

And most of that is the fault of b*tch niggas.

You can't blame her.

She been with b*tch nigga after b*tch nigga

after b*tch nigga after b*tch nigga.

And finally she, like,

"Why don't I just be with a b*tch, nigga?"

And you can't blame her.

You can't blame her.

But b*tch niggas don't respect women at all.

They don't understand this is not 1996.

"I'm gonna get mine. I hope you get yours. "

If a woman should be so kind

as to offer you some p*ssy,

it is your obligation

to f*** the sh*t out of her

at every opportunity that you get.

Ah, but the b*tch nigga don't get it.

And the b*tch nigga is starting

to cost real niggas money now.

'Cause now you done went over her house

and f***ed it up.

And now, before you can get in your car,

she is already on the phone

with a real nigga.

Now this nigga got to get up out his bed,

go all the way across Cincinnati

to fix some sh*t

you didn't have no business f***ing with,

with your b*tch ass in the first place,

and gas prices are too high

for that type of sh*t.

Now...

Now, I know that there are some real niggas

in the audience right now

who are mad at me right now,

'cause they don't understand

why I'm wasting my time and my breath

talking to b*tch niggas.

But what you don't understand

is you don't have to be

a b*tch nigga all your life.

After the show you can get with

one of these real niggas in the audience

and let them tutor you

on Mondays and Wednesdays and Fridays,

till you get some of that b*tch

out your uterus.

Now, listen to me carefully, if you would,

b*tch niggas.

The first thing you need to understand,

b*tch nigga...

See the b*tch niggas paying attention?

The first thing you need to understand,

b*tch niggas,

is the first nut is slippery. It's not just you.

It happens to the best of us.

Sometimes the first nut

just has a mind of its own.

You can have the best intentions

in the world, just...

"I'm gonna f*** the sh*t out of...

Ah, hell no. I don't believe this sh*t. "

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