Katt Williams Live Page #8

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Now, if you're a real nigga, you'd never even

let her know what just happened.

You just, "You are not ready yet.

You are not ready yet.

"I'm gonna eat your p*ssy again.

I'm gonna eat your p*ssy again.

"You are not ready for this. "

There's some women in here mad, right now.

"Is that what he was doing?"

Yes, you are f***ing with a real nigga.

Now,

since you know that the first nut is slippery,

it is your obligation

to get that motherf***er out the way

before you get to her house.

You need to be on the highway

working that motherf***er out. Just...

That way, by the time you get to her house,

you are already on nut number two.

And I think I speak for all real niggas

in attendance today

when I say there is nothing more powerful

than arriving at her house

already on nut number two.

You don't be bullshitting. You just,

"Go on and lay down. Go on and lay down. "

"You might want to wrap

your hair up this evening.

"You might want to wrap your hair up. "

Now, listen to me carefully,

if you would, b*tch niggas.

Now, once you have put on your condom

and you are safely inside,

the only word that should

be in your head is "concentration".

You don't have time to be looking in her eyes

and caressing her softly

and smelling that raspberry sh*t

she got from Bed, Bath & Beyond.

You need to be looking at everything

in her house but her.

Just keep your focus. Just...

Sing a little song to yourself off-key

to keep you focused. Just...

A, B, C, D, E, F, G

Now listen carefully, b*tch nigga,

If you feel it starting to slip away,

remember that this is a one-man sport.

You make all the rules.

Do not be ashamed to get out of the p*ssy

and get yourself together

if you feel it's starting to slip away. Just,

A, B, C, D

E, F, G, H, I

Pay attention to me, if you would,

b*tch nigga. Now, I know...

I know, because I'm moving so quickly,

I haven't had time to talk about

eating the p*ssy,

and I know that that makes

the b*tch nigga think

that maybe you don't have to do it.

But, see, it's that type of thinking right there

that qualifies you to be

a b*tch nigga in the first place.

Yeah, see, yeah, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I...

See, real niggas know something

that b*tch niggas have never ever found out.

Oh, it's so quiet right now,

you could hear a b*tch nigga drop, ain't it?

See, real niggas know

I'm not eating the p*ssy for you.

Oh, no. No, no.

Holler it out, then.

If you understand what I'm saying.

I'm not eating the p*ssy for you.

I'm eating the p*ssy for me.

See, I don't need the p*ssy.

I know for a fact you already came twice.

I felt you when you

clenched up on the motherf***er

and damn near suffocated me.

Now I have the rare opportunity

of surprising you with the dick.

You forgot all about the dick. You just...

"You brought dick, too?

"Oh, my God, girl.

This nigga brought dick, too. "

Pay attention to me,

if you would, b*tch nigga.

Now,

once you've been doing it correctly

for about 27 and three-quarter minutes,

you are going to start to feel

a pain in your side

like you been exercising.

Now, I know that this is ordinarily where

the b*tch nigga just go on and call it a day,

but if you can manage

to f*** through the pain...

See, she don't know you in pain.

She think you a genius

and are hitting it from the side.

So continue to hit

through the pain,

because 14 minutes after that,

your body is going to go into autopilot.

And I think I speak for all real niggas

in attendance today

when I say there is nothing more wonderful

than feeling your body go into autopilot.

'Cause now you got time

to have fun with her.

You got time to enjoy yourself.

You got time to do stupid sh*t

like look at your own dick.

Now, look around at the confused look

on the b*tch nigga's face right now.

I think I speak for all real niggas

in attendance today

when I say there's nothing more wonderful

than looking at your own dick.

You just see that motherf***er, just...

Some of you niggas can't do it no way,

'cause you got to be so close on the p*ssy.

You just...

Y'all been all that. I'm Katt.

Thanks for the time.

The show was great.

I did not stop laughing at all.

- It was hilarious.

- I enjoyed...

Two thumbs up. Double thumbs up.

It was very funny. Hilarious.

It was a good show.

- Just couldn't believe it.

- Definitely enjoyed...

Hey, Katt Williams, he the next truth.

All right? Understand that.

So every time you hear

he coming to your city,

you need to buy tickets.

If you don't buy tickets,

you gonna hear about it.

We loved the show. It was great.

Everything was wonderful.

And plus, you're a beautiful woman,

so that made us love it more.

It was all good.

I'm a rapper. Plus, I'm a rapper, though.

Oh, the show was outstanding, man.

We'll come back anytime. Had a great time.

That motherf***er funny, dawg. F*** it.

My man Katt Williams is the best.

Had a good time tonight, me and my family.

We had a wonderful time at the comedy spot.

God bless you, my nigga.

Keep doing the work.

Thought the show was hilarious, Katt.

Everybody else that performed tonight,

it was real, you know, real entertaining.

I loved it. Pretty much that's it. It was fun.

It was good. It was good. He was real good.

He was really good.

He was very, very funny.

He's different from the movies.

He's gonna be an up-and-rising

big-star comedian. He's good. Very good.

Most definitely the best comic view

I done seen in a minute.

He tricked me.

'cause I didn't know he was that good.

The man is excellent.

Everybody check him out for sure.

It was wonderful.

I really did enjoy myself, you know.

I had a few Budweisers,

had to keep coming in and out.

but every time I made it back in,

I was always laughing.

You know what I'm saying?

It was a good show. He looked good,

had on... Was it the A1s?

A1s?

No, they weren't the A1s.

Those were the Als. It was...

Them was the Jordans.

Yeah, the special editions, the XIXs.

Okay, okay, okay.

The show was great. You couldn't...

You know, you gotta see it.

They were really, really good.

Everything was original. It was great.

It was really, really great.

I got a mother on the block. Hey.

Right, yeah, it was real good.

Yeah, I had a good time. I enjoyed myself.

It felt good to see

somebody from Cincinnati coming back

and give us something back, yeah.

And I am from Avondale, too, so...

It felt good to see somebody

making a comeback.

Here's where I was born.

Christ Hospital. Right here.

Yeah. Nineteen hours.

That's how long my mama was in labor.

Nineteen hours.

And I still didn't come out.

I had a twin brother,

and me and him was fighting.

It was a fight till death

and I choked him with my umbilical cord.

That's what I thought.

Later on I found out

I was born without an umbilical cord,

so I can't really tell you

what I choked him with.

But I will tell you he died a painful death.

And that's why, as most comedians

will tell you, whether they like me or not,

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