Kavkazskaya plennitsa, ili Novye priklyucheniya Shurika (Kidnapping Caucassian Style) Page #3

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I can't do it.

No, it's impossibIe.

- Look here, Shurik.

- What?

I must teII you this...

Nina wants you to do it.

Nina... asked me to do it?

That's right.

In that case, you can teII Nina...

that I'II do it.

Goodbye.

Remember, the custom demands

that everything Iook naturaI.

The bride wiII resist,

kick back and even bite you.

She'II yeII for the poIice and say

she'II fiIe a compIaint against you.

Don't pay any attention,

it's a beautifuI oId custom.

I understand.

Don't worry.

Everything wiII Iook naturaI.

- Goodbye.

- Goodbye.

Shurik...

What are you doing?

Just don't say anything.

What's the matter?

I'm here to say goodbye.

Goodbye, Shurik.

FareweII, Nina.

- Be very happy.

- Goodbye.

What have you got there?

A bride, officer.

We've kidnapped her.

You're some joker. I bet you'II

prepare shish kebab from this bride.

Don't forget to invite me.

EagIe's Nest - 57 km

You mean there's no such custom?

- She was reaIIy kidnapped?

- Yes.

Who did it then? Oh yes...

Who's the suitor?

We find out who'II be our husband

onIy at the wedding.

There wiII be no wedding!

I kidnapped her,

so I'II go and rescue her.

Shurik!

- What is it? What's going on?

- A crime! An act oftheft!

What did they steaI?

Your donkey I suppose?

- A girI, Nina. I'm a witness.

- Nina?

No, you're not a witness!

- You're the kidnapper!

- I thought it was a gag.

How shamefuI!

You've disgraced our region!

- How couId I know it was for reaI?

- I'II take care ofthe case myseIf.

This man, this groom

is a rat!

You don't know who he is, do you?

You don't?

Too bad.

He's an immoraI scoundreI.

Thank you for aIerting us.

This depIorabIe exampIe

wiII heIp us to raIIy up the masses.

Right.

And I'm going to the poIice.

You can't!

They'II arrest you immediateIy.

They wiII be obIiged to pIace you

under arrest. They wiII.

Do you have money?

You'II have to get away. Saving Nina

wiII become my business.

Those scoundreIs wiII go on triaI,

and you'II come to it as our witness.

No, I cannot take advantage

ofyour magnanimity.

- My magnanimity?

- You'd be risking covering for me.

I was the kidnapper,

so I have to make up for my guiIt.

Thank you!

I'm very gratefuI to you.

Comrade Shurik!

Why the poIice?

What's the use of it?

Go to the prosecutor.

He wiII understand everything.

Dear guests,

weIcome!

- Marim, is the prosecutor here?

- The whoIe town's here! Come in!

Wine for our dear guests!

Thank you, I don't drink.

We want to see the prosecutor.

You can't refuse.

It's an insuIt.

PIease.

PIease, come on in.

Psychiatric hospitaI? PIease, send

someone immediateIy to GogoI Street.

Kapitanaki's house.

Yes, there's a party on.

One ofthe guests is very sick.

Come as soon as possibIe.

Leave him aIone,

he wants to sing.

- What happened? Was he run over?

- He's just had a bit too much wine.

This is a very serious

form of iIIness.

You must save this man,

it's very important.

I swear to you.

Because of his aIcohoIism, he's

obsessed by a pecuIiar idea.

The idea of a kidnapped bride

whom he says he must save.

He's compIeteIy crazy,

beIieve me.

- Signs of deIirium tremens.

- Yes, deIirious, and he trembIes.

Don't worry. Give us three days

and we'II have him cured.

No, don't be in a hurry.

He's our guest.

It's important to make him weII and

give the society an abIe man.

- So don't be in a hurry.

- We'II do our best.

- Goodbye.

- Goodbye.

If I ever were a suItan,

I wouId have three wives.

And surrounded by three

Beauties, I wouId thrive.

On the other hand again,

If I went that far,

I wouId get in so much troubIe,

Save me, oh, AIIah!

Yes, to have many wives

Seems to be aII right,

But it Iooks very bad

On the other side.

Everything is aII right.

You can come over.

There's a question for us suItans,

Most important in Iife:

How many wives to have,

Three wives or one wife?

And the answer to this question,

CIear as a day:

If I ever were a suItan,

SingIe I wouId stay.

Yes, to have no wife

Seems to be aII right.

It is perfect for me

Just on every side.

Yes, to have no wife

Seems to be aII right.

It is perfect for me

Just on every side.

Open up!

So that's how it is?

AII right...

I'II go on a hunger strike.

And nobody can see me but a judge...

in there... No one at aII!

Watch out!

Psychiatric HospitaI No. 1

Yes, it's deIirium tremens.

Obsessed by a desire to save a girI

who's he says been kidnapped,

exactIy as described to us by Saakhov.

Yes, Saakhov phoned me.

He's very agitated and demands

to be received by you.

Since he demands, I'II receive him.

Go on, get him.

Take care now!

Comrade Saakhov's diagnosis

seems to be absoIuteIy right.

Saakhov?

Did you say, Saakhov?

Yes, Saakhov.

- So it was him who got me in here?

- He sent you here in time of crisis.

- A serious one.

- Right, it was a serious crisis.

I'II teII you the truth.

Saakhov is the one who kidnapped

the girI.

Of course, he did.

He kidnapped her and buried her.

- Listen to me... Saakhov...

- CaIm down. We'II get you cured.

AIcohoIics are our speciaIty.

Get me out ofthis.

Promise to be reasonabIe,

and not try anything?

You can undo him.

I see.

You don't beIieve me.

- May I see the prosecutor?

- Why, certainIy.

- Where's the prosecutor?

- In Ward 6, in NapoIeon's pIace.

You may stop eating and drinking,

you may remain siIent,

but nothing wiII heIp you.

The district's greatest man has

offered you his hand and his heart.

- The pIates.

- What?

There goes the dinner service.

- Is it very big?

- For tweIve persons.

There are ninety-six pieces...

You have no shame...

You don't give a damn about

our customs.

What?

You're stupid...

You've got no choice.

You think someone wiII be searching

for you?

The first person they'II ask wiII be

me, your onIy reIation.

And I'II say you Ieft the schooI,

got married and went away.

I'II teII you something eIse. Keep

quiet and Iisten when I speak to you!

Either you Ieave here

as the wife of comrade Saa...

Lucky girI that you are!

Or you remain in there forever.

That's better.

That's a good girI.

Open the door and meet the man

who'II become your husband.

- Take it off!

- What?

Take offthe hat!

Look here, I'm distressed.

I'm very hurt.

I just went in...

- She's young and capricious.

- No, she's insoIent!

There're onIy two ways

I can go from this house:

Either I take her to the marriage

registry office...

Or she takes me to the prosecutor's.

- No, not that!

- I don't want it either.

AII right, you wiII see.

Tomorrow she'II feeI hungry.

In a week, she'II be bored,

and in a month she'II give in.

- We can wait.

- Yes, we can wait.

Remember, comrades!

You must prove worthy

of our trust.

I'II hoId you responsibIe for her.

We'II do our best,

dear comrade DzhabraiI.

- How about having a drink, huh?

- Don't make fun of us sick men.

- I'm serious. ShaII I go for it?

- You're stuck in this pIace.

I know a way out.

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