Keanu Page #3

"I do not sound like Richard Pryor

"doing an impression of a white guy."

You sound like John Ritter all the time.

Well, I beg to differ, nigga.

N-word. Went straight to the N-word.

- Yeah. Yeah, I did.

- It's not authentic.

Because that's how

real people talk, Clarence.

No, it is not in my experience.

- It's not how people talk.

- Please, please, you're wrong.

You understand? People understand

the historical significance of that word,

and that you can't just say it

shiftlessly with no

responsibility whatsoever.

Absolutely wrong. 100% wrong.

Listen, this is life.

You listen to me. You don't shush me.

You niggas in the right place?

Yeah, we in the right place, nigga!

You in the right place, nigga?

Who the f*** are these niggas?

Who the f*** are we?

Who the f*** aren't we?

- Oh!

- Are you trying to die today?

Nah.

We ain't trying to die today.

Let me break it down right quick.

Y'all gonna take us to Cheddar,

and then we can start nailin'

down the hows and whens

and wherefores and...

Whys.

Did I not mention the whys?

The whys, too, motherf***er.

- Well, look here, homeboy.

- Yeah, dude.

You in Bliptown now,

and you don't make the rules.

Cheddar does.

And you don't meet Cheddar

until you meet me.

You feel me?

So who the f*** are you niggas?

Nigga...

Nigga, nigga...

- Psst. Tell her, man.

- Nigga...

I'm Techtonic.

- Nice!

- Thank you.

What about you?

My name is Shark Tank.

Well, look here,

Techtonic and Shark Tank.

Cheddar is a businessman.

He don't take drop-bys.

You think we don't mean business?

And swam.

Why don't you search 'em, Bud?

Go on ahead, Bud.

These niggas not strapped.

- Come on.

- Yeah, let's come on, then.

What's up, motherf***er?

What?

Chill. Hey, yo, Cheddar.

You'll get it next time, boss.

Hi-C.

The f*** is this?

I'm Techtonic.

Sup, Cheddar? Finally.

- He's Shark...

- The king pimp himself.

Shark Tank.

Yeah, I mean, we've been looking

forward to this, dawg. Ha-ha!

Talkin' about the H-N-I-C.

My man.

All right.

Yeah.

You know, I got a lot of enemies

that would love to walk in this room

and put a bullet hole in old Cheddar.

Hey!

We ain't got no beef with you, Cheddar.

No? How about now, nigga?

That's a nice piece.

You should keep the safety on.

You know what? I get it.

Hi-C, what the f*** is this, huh?

You bring me a couple of b*tch-ass niggas

as a joke, right?

- What?

- Us? Uh, no.

I'm sorry, b*tch-ass niggas?

Am I right, Tech?

It's been a long-ass time

since we heard that.

- Oh, really?

- Yeah, nigga.

We killed 25 dudes this month, man.

So, if y'all so f***in' real,

why ain't I never seent you before?

- Well...

- Oh!

That's because...

I don't know,

maybe we didn't wanna be seent.

Wait a minute.

Y'all them Allentown niggas, ain't you?

- Us? Yes.

- Nah.

- Yes, Techtonic.

- Yeah, what?

Nigga, yes, we them Allentown niggas.

What the f*** is wrong with you?

This nigga acting like

- he got amnesia up here, f***ing around.

- Crazy.

Sh*t.

Why didn't y'all say something

earlier, man?

We was tryin' to stay incognito.

You gotta keep 'em on their toes!

Oh, damn.

Why don't y'all come over here,

have a seat so we can talk?

Okay, yeah.

You know, uh...

I heard how it went down

at King Diaz's church.

That was some cold sh*t.

You know, man, that's how we do.

You know, we gots to do, how we do.

Oh, damn!

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Don't worry about her, man.

That's Montana.

All right.

Hey, man, you know,

as much as I love snakes,

I think we need to go

to the bathroom real quick

and drain ours.

Well played, yep. That's what

we should do. Mmm-hmm.

Oh, look who's up from their nap.

Hey.

Cute cat.

Uh, yeah. This is my nigga,

New Jack, right here, man.

Yup. Hey, but, look,

before y'all go run off

and do your little tinkle...

Where'd you get him?

Seems to me,

no stupid-ass nigga in his right mind

would let a cat like that go willy-nilly.

The f***?

How much you want for him?

He serious?

Actually, he is, man.

We in the market right now

for a gangsta pet, so...

Oh, well, he ain't for sale.

Everything has a price.

At a pet store.

But this ain't no motherfucking

pet store, nigga.

Well, that's a shame.

Um...

Thank you for sharing your time.

I said,

everything has its price.

Well, sh*t. I mean, damn.

Y'all drive a hard-ass bargain.

All right. Hey.

I'll be right back, pimpin'.

I wanna show y'all something. Come on.

Come on.

I don't know if y'all know

what we slinging these days.

Holy Sh*t.

Holy sh*t, indeed.

Nah, man.

That's what it's called, man. Holy Sh*t.

Only you ain't heard of it yet

because it's new.

And we the only ones that got it in LA.

What you're looking at

is a cross between PCP,

MDMA and DMT.

I mean...

One puff of this, and holy sh*t!

It's like you...

Smokin' crack with God.

So, uh, maybe y'all can accompany

these fools on a run.

You know, show 'em how y'all

get down over in Allentown.

Well, you know, actually, though, um...

- Like a run, run?

- Yeah.

You do that,

I'll give you New Jack

as a gesture of respect.

Wow. But, unfortunately, we...

Deal.

Deal. Y'all hear that?

They gonna shadow you.

So you make sure you listen to

every word they say

and you take it as gospel, you understand?

But right quick, though,

right quick, though,

Cheddar, seriously, man.

I just was thinking about

what's been going on.

As recently, our docket is full, nigga...

And at the same time, Cheddar,

if I can get a moment

to discuss with my colleague.

Let's go, let's go, let's go, now!

It doesn't have to be that hard.

I will not sell drugs.

I can't sell drugs, Rell.

This was your idea.

You were the one that wanted

to come here, man.

All right, listen.

You were the one who said

we were the Allentown niggas.

I am not breaking the law.

It's easy. It's easy, though. It's easy!

- What's easy?

- I've seen Hulka do this.

He just stands there. People want drugs.

We just feed them some

bullshit about New Jack City,

and we just get Keanu.

I'm not jeopardizing my family

by selling drugs, okay?

- Or...

- Or?

- Maybe you'll like it.

- What?

Maybe you'll like

being a bad motherf***er.

No, no.

- You're good at it.

- What?

And it's just team building.

This is what you do.

I don't do team building for drug rings.

I do it for corporate...

- Ever hear of corporate crime?

- That's not...

- Y'all ready?

- Yeah.

Yeah.

Good. Let's go.

You ready, Shark Tank?

Yeah.

I'm f***in' ready, Techtonic.

Sup, sup?

Finders keepers, yo.

Hey, keep your distance, yo.

No, no, no. Know what I'm saying?

No, don't shut that door. No, no, no.

I'm about to leave, anyway, so...

All right, y'all.

Gather 'round and whatnot.

So, seriously, what's gonna happen now

before we get on this job,

it's time for us to all

get to know each other

a little bit better.

We gonna go in a circle, first of all,

and everyone gonna say their name

and then two things about yourself.

For instance.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes