Keanu Page #4

My name is Shark Tank.

And I ran hurdles in high school.

And I like to hold my gun like this.

So, that's me.

I'm Techtonic.

- I once shot two dudes with one bullet.

- Blam.

And I went to a exclusive,

early screening of

The Blair Witch Project.

- You did?

- Yeah.

I did not know that. See?

That was before we even knew

if it was real or not.

That's right. People thought

that sh*t was real.

Go on, nigga.

I'm Bud.

And I got into gang bangin'

after I got stabbed by my moms.

I'm gonna need two things, though.

And my grandma.

Well, you know, them family reunions

get crazy sometimes, man.

Thanks for sharing, brother.

Whassup? I'm Trunk.

I got a knock-out left hook.

Mmm-hmm.

I got my name

because I accidentally locked

my car keys in my trunk once.

- It happens to the best of us, dawg.

- With a dead body.

Okay.

Yeah, well, you know,

Trunk is a better name than Dead Body.

Let's move on. What about you?

Yeah.

Stitches.

And?

Two things about yourself?

Nah, nigga.

Okay, you know what, Shark Tank?

I think, in his own way,

Stitches did share something

about hisself.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- We should move on.

- Yeah, okay.

I'm Hi-C.

First off, uh, I don't like

niggas I don't know.

Second, I'm real curious

about what exactly went down

at the Diaz church massacre.

- Mmm-hmm.

- Yeah.

Okay.

Now we all know things about each other.

So, let's knock this job out real quick.

Was it really like the word on the street?

What was the word on the streets?

Blood bath. Hundred executions.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, at least 100.

Hundred, 101.

And you ran up the wall

and did a back flip,

and came down

and was still shooting niggas.

Mmm.

Damn straight. Did that, too.

Well, show us.

- Hmm?

- Show us!

- The flip, hmm?

- Yeah.

- I think we'd all like to see that.

- Um...

All right, let me explain

somethin' to y'all real quick.

It ain't gonna be like you think.

Cheddar already told y'all,

we ain't here...

Oh!

Damn, nigga! You see that sh*t?

He did it. He flipped it?

He flipped it.

Bring it in right here, homie.

Whoo! All right!

It's like black Jesus up in here.

That's what I'm talking about.

Oh, my God!

I just did a flip. Oh, my God!

Sh*t! That sh*t is crazy.

So next time we tell y'all

we did somethin',

take our word that we did somethin'.

- Now let's see you do it.

- Yeah.

- What?

- Sorry?

Your turn, nigga.

Only he's flippin' today.

Only I'm flippin' today, y'all.

We alternate flip days.

Okay, today's the day

where I'm gonna be doin' all the flips.

Y'all ain't gonna see him flip today.

I'll flip the f***

outta that sh*t tomorrow.

Ooh, yeah!

Hey!

Let's flip the subject

and go flip some Holy Sh*t.

- Okay?

- Hells yeah, dirt.

- Let's take care of that.

- Exactly.

Yo, everybody won't fit into my car.

My brothers. My brothers.

Come on, just tell me

what you want from me.

Look, take anything. It's all yours, okay?

Okay? Hey, y'all like weed?

Just untie me, I'll go get it for you.

F***! No!

No! Come on! I didn't do sh*t!

I wouldn't...

Oh, sh*t.

I'm the f***in' cat, aren't I?

That's what you're gonna do to me.

I ain't scared.

The cat? The cat...

You're looking for Keanu?

The cat's at Hot Party Vixens.

You know, that strip club downtown.

You guys, don't kill me.

I f***in' know everything about hip-hop.

Yo, Shark, no disrespecting, now, man,

but why you drive this weak-ass van?

You wanna get caught,

go ahead, drive a little drug car.

But you wanna never get pulled over again,

you drive a inconspicuous family vehicle.

Inconspicuous, least hardcore,

motherfuckin' soccer mom,

Full House thing.

Where we goin' again?

Just head towards the Hollywood Hills.

I'll guide you from there.

Wordness to the turdness.

Here we are.

You comin'?

Nah.

You got this.

Nah. F*** that. You comin' with.

Cheddar said you was gonna

show me how to do this.

Yeah, go ahead, Techtonic.

I'ma show these guys how to keep watch.

Thank you, Shark Tank.

You're more than welcome, nigga.

Come on. We gotta

get this over with, man.

Don't worry about it, baby.

Ain't no thang.

Ain't no thang.

Watch and learn.

Hi!

Ah! Yay! You guys are here!

Oh, finally!

What's up?

Somebody order some drugs?

Yes! Oh, my God!

I was just telling these guys

about this job that I did in

Paris for a couple of months,

and this guy, he let me

smoke some of this stuff.

And I swear to God, this drug is insane.

And the beauty is,

every trip is different!

Ha! Can I please see it?

Ooh. Backpack. Backpack.

Got a neat little backpack.

Yes!

Oh, my God, yes!

Come on, please, please, please! Come sit.

Have a drink. Sit down!

Sorry, we just want to see the money.

You see, Donnie,

some people don't respect the game.

What game?

Life!

Life is a f***in' game!

And the only real question is,

who are the players

and who are the pieces?

Come on, you guys.

Let's smoke some Holy Sh*t.

No, no, no.

Thought I made myself clear.

We're not interested.

Man, f***!

Let's get some tunes

goin' in this motherf***er.

- Something, man.

- Tunes, man, yeah.

F***, yeah. Let's see what we got here.

- I know you got some killer sh*t.

- Actually, no, we...

What? Yo.

Yo, Shark Tank, my nigga.

Um...

What the f*** is this?

Oh...

Sh*t, niggas!

This my sh*t right here!

This your sh*t?

This sh*t sound kinda white.

- White? White?

- Yeah.

Niggas, this is

George Michael, right here.

All right? This one of the greatest

recording artists of all time, man.

This the real OG up in here.

So,

he black, then?

You know, he light-skinned.

And then, he used to roll

with this nigga, Ridgeley.

Yeah.

And then, George Michael

was trying to do that solo thing, right?

And then, wham!

Then nobody never see Ridgeley ever again.

He killed the motherf***er?

Nobody

ever

seen

him

again.

Sh*t.

I'll f*** with that nigga.

I'll f*** with him.

- Hey, hey, y'all.

- If he start that sh*t.

Wait till y'all hear

this next track, though, dirt.

You know,

in samurai times,

a refusal

to sit at a man's court

was considered a profound

insult to his honor.

Ha! I'm just f***ing with you!

You should have seen your face.

Oh, my God.

Oh, that was amazing.

Mmm.

Crazy.

Whoo!

The man asked for the money.

Yeah.

Rachel, get the bag.

I'm not your slave.

Get the f***ing bag!

Ooh!

I loved you in

The House Bunny, by the way.

- Thank you, man.

- Yeah. Yeah.

You know this chick?

It's Anna Faris, the actress.

She's in movies?

Lost in Translation?

Chipwrecked? The Squeakquel?

Scary Movie?

Oh... You in that movie?

Scary Movie 1, 2, 3 and 4.

Not 5. Too old.

Hmm.

But, enough! Enough! Enough!

No more Hollywood talk.

I'm so sick of this bullshit.

- Yeah.

- All I care about

is truth.

Or dare.

Truth or dare!

Yo, that chorus

do kick in nice, though.

It does, don't it? Yeah, yeah. I mean,

y'all hear the father figure part, right?

Because, my man right here,

he didn't have his own

positive male role model in his life.

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