Keanu Page #8

- That's his cat.

- And his name is Keanu.

It's this cat right there!

Iglesias?

That's my cousin's cat.

They took him?

Who? Who?

Oh, sh*t.

Somebody's getting an ass whippin'.

- Let's go. Come on!

- Yeah!

God damn right, they had him.

- We did not have him.

- No.

No, no, no. There's no way, sir.

That cat just was found on his doorstep.

That cat's name is Keanu.

- I know because I named him.

- And has been his for months.

It's too much of a coincidence...

So, it was them?

Sh*t, yeah, it was them.

No! No, it was not us.

Do we got a deal or what?

Deal.

Deal. Why is it a deal?

Don't make the deal,

because we're not those guys.

Show them.

Give me a second before I kill you.

Oh, God!

Come on, man!

Why is everybody being hasty?

Get Iglesias.

Whoa. Wait a minute.

I was thinking I would hold on to the cat.

Okay. See, there's a problem with that,

because Iglesias belongs to my family.

I wanna give him to my aunt,

so she can have something

to remember my cousin by.

You know?

So, that's non-negotiable.

Deal breaker.

Deal breaker.

Don't think too long, kid.

Don't think too long.

Aight, Papi.

Look here, man.

Oh, God.

Bottom line is...

Light this b*tch up!

Stitches!

You need help?

Nah!

Rell, Rell! Look, look!

They're communicating.

I'm out, I'm out, I'm out!

I got you!

Awesome!

I know. Yeah. Oh.

Hi-C!

Get the damn cat!

- Get the damn cat!

- F***!

No, Rell! Whoa!

Hey! You will die!

Then get my back.

Don't tell me you just tried to flip,

'cause you flopped, stupid!

Give me the cat.

- Give me the cat.

- No! Keanu!

Come on, Iglesias.

Who's going home?

Going home, home...

Rell... No! Why!

He's got Keanu!

Where'd he go?

Let's go.

I got you, Iglesias. Here we go. Okay.

Manny, open the car. Open the car.

I got Iglesias.

Go, go, go.

Where are you going?

- Your house!

- My house?

What are you doing?

What? Rell!

Rell, you can't drive!

Unbelievable. What...

- I'll shoot you!

- Oh, f***!

You ain't gonna f***in' shoot the driver!

What are you doing?

Oh, sh*t!

Yeah, motherf***er!

Oh, f***! Look out!

I don't even know how to f***in' drive!

I'm coming, Rell!

Oh, f***!

Why did I grab a stick shift?

Whoa...

Oh, sh*t!

F***, yeah!

Oh, sh*t!

Oh...

Sorry! I'm sorry.

Oh, my God!

Okay, here he is.

You're not getting away from me!

Red light! Coming through the red light!

Yo!

Whoo!

Oh, my God, Rell! What are you doing?

Right now. Turn around.

Sh*t!

F***!

You okay, Keanu?

Why are we going through red lights?

I'm sorry! Sorry!

I can't f***in' hear

what you're saying, bro!

Listen to me!

Oh, sh*t!

Oh!

That f***in' hurts!

Okay, okay.

Keanu!

Come here.

Come here, Keanu.

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!

- You come here!

- F***!

I'ma punch you in the head.

Ah...

Oh...

- Yes! Yes!

- Get him off me!

Get that b*tch, Keanu!

Oh, sh*t!

Oh!

Oh...

F***.

F***.

Oh...

Keanu!

Oh, man.

Of course you're alive.

What?

You got a-f***in'-nother gun in your ass?

What?

Sh*t!

Who the f*** taught you how to drive,

you bad-driving b*tch?

I don't drive.

He does.

- Oh...

- Whoo!

- That's my cousin!

- I got him!

Clarence, you did it, man!

F***, you did it, cuz!

That was so f***in' badass!

Oh, thanks, man.

- I can't find Keanu!

- Keanu! Sh*t!

God, ow.

What the f*** is wrong with you?

Trying to kill me with my kid's car!

No.

I'm unkillable.

What the f***?

Blips was supposed to run this game, man.

We supposed to own this city.

And y'all f***in' ruined it.

Y'all f***ed everything up.

I lost my money.

I lost my cat.

I still gotta get mines, though.

The only way I know how.

Cheddar!

You're under arrest.

What?

B*tch, you ain't no f***in' cop.

Oh, yes, I am a f***in' cop.

Put your weapon down.

Now drop your weapons!

Trunk, drop it.

On the ground?

Yes, motherf***er, on the ground.

Stitches,

drop it.

Yeah.

Bud.

Not you, C.

You gonna kill me?

All this Bliptown family sh*t?

It's over.

Cheddar, you're under arrest.

Put your hands up.

I will shoot you.

Don't turn your back on me.

F*** you, b*tch!

Get your hands up!

- I'm a cop!

- Hands up!

- I'm a cop!

- Get on the ground!

Get on your knees.

Hands behind your head.

- Let me see 'em!

- Now!

On your knees!

Now! On your knees!

Keanu!

Go get him, Rell.

It's me. You all right?

Are you hurt? Are you hurt?

I love you.

We're gonna go home.

All right. We're good. We're gonna go.

What?

- Wait, no. Stay in the car!

- Why? What's going on?

Because there's a bunch

of dead people out here, that's why.

- Honey! You punched him in the face!

- Yeah.

You punched him in the face.

I need you to f*** me right now.

Okay. Stay in the car!

Right now. Stay in the car.

Oh, yes!

Well, this was a f***in' mess.

Tell me about it.

Hey, I know you need this back.

He's keepin' his.

- Rell.

- You're doing good work.

We need to talk about

a few things before you go.

But first let me introduce you

to Officer Galloway

and Officer Dunn.

Oh, snap!

Right. You're alive.

- Sorry about that.

- Yeah.

I had a fantastic time.

That's weird.

Mmm-hmm.

- What about Anna Faris?

- Well, she's still alive.

We hire celebrities all the time

to help us with cases.

Like Shaq or Steven Seagal.

No sh*t.

I'm gonna let you two

talk about that other thing.

Mmm.

"That other thing"?

Ooh. I like the sound of that.

So, what, do you need me for some kind of

top-secret mission or something?

No. No top-secret missions goin' on.

But we need to talk about your behavior.

You know I just wanted my cat back.

I know. And you got him.

Keanu's a cutie.

Damn, Hi-C.

Parker. Trina Parker.

Trina Parker.

I kind of liked Hi-C.

Well, she kind of liked you, too.

Well... Ow.

Maybe we should go somewhere.

Maybe we should.

Right to jail.

Whoa...

Mmm-hmm.

That makes sense.

Broke a lot of laws, probably.

Don't worry. I'll testify on your behalf.

- Watch him for me?

- I will.

And just remember, Rell.

There's consequences to your actions.

Hey.

There's consequences to your actions

because you gonna be

in trouble in a second.

- Oh, yeah?

- Hold up. Yeah.

I'm gonna take you on a date.

- Okay.

- Ow. I'm shot in the leg. Ow!

Ow, ow, ow!

You ready to go, Keanu?

You're a cutie.

I can see why he did all of that for you.

Help!

Help me!

Help me!

Oh, thank God.

Yo, kill it! Kill it!

It hurts so bad, you don't even know.

Hasn't even

been that bad, really.

Clarence and I, having killed

the Allentown brothers

has us kind of lookin' like

crime heroes or somethin'.

We don't even have to

change our voice or anything.

Mostly it's just good to see you.

I love you, Keanu.

How much longer?

Three more weeks, baby.

That's it. 21 days.

And what are you gonna do to me?

I'm gonna take this moustache

and I'm just gonna go like...

Gonna rub it all over your neck.

- Moustache in here...

- I'm gonna put my 'stache

right in there. I'm just gonna...

Hey! Quit poundin' on the glass.

I'm sorry, sir. I apologize.

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