Keeping the Faith Page #9

You're a Sikh Catholic Muslim

with Jewish in-laws?

Yes. Yes, it gets very complicated.

- I'm reading Dianetics.

- I don't blame you.

Thank you for listening to me.

- I feel like I should ask for penance.

- I don't do penance.

I do shots.

I'll tell you what I know.

May those who love us, love us.

And those who don't love us,

may God turn their hearts.

If He cannot turn their hearts,

may He turn their ankles,

so that we may know them

by their limping.

- Slainte.

- Slainte.

(MELANCHOLIC SONG PLAYING)

I'll tell you why I don't want

to know where you are

I got a joke

I've been dying to tell you

A silent kid is looking down the barrel

To make the noise that I kept so quiet

Kept it from you, pitseleh

MAN:
Anna?

Anna?

I'm not what's missing

from your life now

I could never be the puzzle pieces

They say that God makes problems

just to see what you can stand

Before you do as the devil pleases

Give up the thing you love

(BEEPS)

ANNA:
Hey, Brian. It's me again.

Please call me, okay, Finn?

Brian, call Anna. Please to call.

Seriously, I really want

to talk to you, okay? Bye.

I remember I fell in love

with this girl in Prague, in 1968.

(SIGHS)

She was beautiful, like Carole Lombard.

She grabbed me in the alley

behind my church,

she pressed me against the wall,

she kissed me.

I felt like Richard Chamberlain

in The Thorn Birds,

in the barn with Meggie.

I was so happy, I could die.

Did anything happen between you?

Not really. Flirtations, little moments.

Soon after, the Russians invaded

and I moved to the United States.

I'll tell you something.

If she had kissed me back,

I doubt I'd be sitting here right now.

I would have given it all up.

I mean, she didn't, but...

I keep thinking about

what you said in the seminary,

about how the life of a priest is hard,

and if you think you'd be happy

doing anything else, you should do it.

That was my recruitment pitch,

which is not bad when you're starting

because it makes you feel like a Marine.

The truth is, you can't tell yourself

there is only one thing you could be.

If you are a priest, or marry a woman,

it's the same challenge.

You cannot make a real commitment

unless you accept that it is a choice,

which you keep making

again and again.

I've been a priest over 40 years, and

I fell in love at least once a decade.

You won't tell me

what to do here, will you?

No. God will give you your answer.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

- Hey.

- Hey.

How are you doing?

What's up?

- You're probably still mad at me...

- Probably? No, I'm definitely still mad.

Did you think you'd stroll over

and find me in a good mood?

No, I knew you'd still be mad at me.

What do you expect?

You should have just told me.

I'd have been jealous

and said it would muck things up,

but at least we'd still be friends.

We're still friends, I hope!

Friends don't lie to each other

and set each other up for humiliation.

That's why I'm here, I wanted

to apologize, if you'd let me talk!

I want to talk,

I've got things I want to vent.

Talk, vent, come on! Go ahead, vent!

Okay...

Now I lost my momentum.

Go ahead, what do you want to say?

I wanted to say that I handled

things badly, and I'm sorry.

You're my best friend.

Please forgive me.

- That was very simple and direct.

- Thank you.

You're lucky I am a priest.

Forgiveness comes with the job.

You're a good priest.

I got something for you.

I almost didn't because I was

so mad at you, but this was too good.

That's the Rabbi

Schlomo Schneerson card.

- It's the last of the series!

- You always talk about it.

- It's in such good condition.

- It's mint. I had to get it.

Brian!

Thank you.

You're welcome.

As pissed off as I was, the weird thing is

I'm very sorry I didn't get

to see you two together.

That would have made me happy,

in a weird way.

- Have you talked to her?

- No.

Things are really strange

between us now.

Are you guys working this out?

No, no.

But that's offset by the fact

that I'm about to lose my job.

Are you serious?

What a mess. I'm sorry.

I was starting to think

I had a few things figured out.

JAKE:
Yeah. Me, too.

BRIAN:
What happened?

Hi.

I don't think I'm the person

to offer objective advice

on this particular confession.

Brian!

Brian.

You don't have to say anything.

Just listen to me.

I'll just say one thing,

and then I will go away.

You're my friend,

and whatever else is going on,

I don't want you to think my feelings

for you relate to what I feel for Jake.

That's not the problem, and you know it.

I thought you wanted me

and that affected me.

Maybe that's not fair and

I'm reading all kinds of things wrong,

but it sure felt that way to me.

(SIGHS)

I don't know what to say.

I've just been having

so much fun, and...

I've had all of these feelings lately,

and not just my feelings for Jake,

but this...

Reconnecting with part of myself that

has been shut down for a long time.

If I indulged those feelings with you,

or if I took you for granted,

I am so sorry.

I can't bear that I hurt you.

It's not your fault.

I totally set myself up for this.

I'll tell you something,

I don't know which feels worse,

having my heart broken

or doubting myself,

because of what that means for me.

Don't you dare doubt yourself.

You have a gift, and you know it.

If you start doubting that because of me,

I don't know what I'd do to myself.

I don't doubt myself because of you.

I feel at my best when I'm around you,

and that makes me doubt everything.

I don't know what to do, Brian.

Tell me what to do, and I'll do it.

Is it me, or is confession getting

a little touchy-feely these days?

Thank you.

The lights work, the cameras came

and the chairs are all set up.

I sent the invitations

and we've got the karaoke machine.

Oh! No. We need the disks

for the karaoke.

- I'll call Don at home.

- It's all right, I'll do it now.

- Excuse me, what is that?

- A cell phone.

- Since when?

- Anna gave it to me. Look.

She put God on speed dial. I called it,

it's the Elvis Presley museum.

Sorry, I have to say this.

You know she's leaving next week?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Okay, I'm just checking.

- You guys have been talking?

- Yeah. We had a good talk.

- It's okay.

- Good.

- Good.

- Sure you don't want to talk about this?

I don't! Am I asking you

to talk about it? I don't want to.

- I'd talk about it if I wanted to.

- Okay.

- It's just that she's leaving...

- I know, what do you want me to do?

(PHONE RINGS)

Rabbi Schram.

What?

- I'm looking for Ruth Schram.

- Dr. Marx.

- What happened?

- She had a transient ischaemic attack.

- A what?

- It's an "almost" stroke.

What does that mean?

- A blockage of blood...

- Is she all right?

Bring me my Obsession perfume,

some macaroons,

and my computer, I gotta e-mail.

Mom, the doctor said

you must rest for two days...

Get out of here!

If I have to stay here for two days,

I'll give them an ischaemic... Whatever.

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