Keeping Up with the Joneses Page #10

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I'll have backup."

Well, this is worse! This is worse

than the worst-case scenario.

You lied to our faces.

I did not lie to you. Now, I may

have left out a few key details...

That's a lie, Timothy!

That is lying by omission.

That's textbook--

You know what? My whole job is lying.

Okay? That's why I f***ing hate it!

-I'm sorry, Jeff.

-You're apologizing to him?

You can't possibly care

about this loser.

You know what? I actually

do care about this loser.

I mean, you and I live

in a world where everybody lies.

And everybody hides everything

and obfuscates.

But, not... Not Jeff Gaffney.

Jeff doesn't live in that world.

He's an honest person.

He's forthright, he's friendly.

He's a good neighbor.

Do you have any idea how much

courage that takes? Real courage?

For my money, he's the bravest guy

in this room.

-Please. Spare me the morality!

-Hey!

Just hear me out, all right?

Look, the Gaffneys,

they don't belong in our world.

We don't. We really don't.

Okay? They're too good for that.

Why don't we let them go

back to their world?

And then you and I, we,

can settle this here?

Here in our world.

You guys can go murder each other

and stuff. Just leave us out of this.

You know what? I'm just gonna take

care of everything myself. Bruno,

lay the plastic sheeting out. I don't

wanna lose the security deposit.

-Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

-Can I finish a thought today?

I'm so sorry, Mr. Scorpion.

But, Natalie,

ever since we tried on

underwear together...

I'm sorry. You talking to her?

Finish your thought.

I realized something.

I've been living a lie, also.

Karen!

What is happening to my life?

Oh, my God! How long

have you been living that lie?

Honey! What? No!

I didn't mean it. I just had to

get the knife to her somehow!

Okay! I get it now. God! Thank God!

Okay, it's gonna be okay.

It's raining men!

You guys okay?

Grab the chips and follow us.

Come on, let's go.

-Chopper's ready.

-Yeah, get 'em.

And get the chips!

Get back, get back, get back!

-I'm almost out.

-Me too.

What are we gonna do?

-We'll have to jump for it.

-Jump? Jump from where?

Down there.

There's a pool down below.

It's our only chance.

Did you think any of this through?

Okay.

Where are you going?

Jeff? Jeff!

Jeff. Jeff are you okay?

-I just farted.

-Buddy!

You can't jump through

the window like that.

That's triple pane glass!

You gotta break it first.

Appreciate the effort though.

Scoot back, everybody, all right?

Just scoot back.

Get out of the way.

Really?

Stand back!

What?

Where'd you get that?

I picked it up off a dead guy.

-I thought he didn't need it.

-Run! Out of the window!

All right. Come on.

We're doing this. Let's go!

-Now! Now!

-Jump! Jump! Jump!

It's okay, everybody. It's okay.

Where's Jeff?

Guys, where's Jeff?

Jeff! Jeff, you've gotta...

-Jeff, you've gotta jump!

-Jeff!

Give me a second.

-Jeff, jump! Please!

-Just run and jump!

This is perfect.

You've been a pain

in my ass all day, Jeff.

Okay, li... Bru... Mr. Scorpion,

we all make choices in life and I...

I'm not being judgmental,

I promise you,

but do you really think that violence

is the solution? There's this exer--

He's all yours, gravity.

And that's why you don't sting the...

Always have plan B.

I know it seemed a lot higher.

Thank you very much.

That's for you. Keep it all.

Maybe you could videotape

that and put it online.

Where did you get the gun from?

No. I don't think we're

gonna keep any of that online.

That would get a lot of hits.

And I lined it up, and smashed.

Because there's shooting...

Probably wanna keep it

a little on the down low.

Yes. Of course.

Yeah, no, no, of course. Yes. Yes.

I'm just saying.

I'm so proud of you guys.

-You guys wanna come inside?

-Yeah, come in.

Where are you guys staying?

-You could stay with us!

-Stay with us!

Why wouldn't you stay with us?

We have a pull-out couch.

You can borrow some of my boxer briefs

if you need anything to lounge in.

-I've got a Wii.

-We've got a flat screen TV!

We have free Wi-Fi.

-You guys are great! Really.

-It's very nice of you to offer.

But...

Our ride is coming.

Yeah. Yeah.

You got your things you have to do.

Your missions.

Is that an Uber?

Sort of.

Hug?

-Just a hug?

-Just a hug.

Thank you. You're an amazing woman.

Thank you.

You made an incredible life

for yourself here, Jeff.

Just remember to leave the cul-de-sac,

every now and again.

You'd be surprised

at what you find out there.

We'll remember.

-Time to go.

-Yes.

Where's the driver?

Right here.

There's no driver in the car.

If they're shooting at us,

I get to drive.

Now you wanna drive.

I see how it works.

You get to drive the good car.

Bye, you guys!

Okay.

You know, it's Parents Day

at the camp tomorrow.

This is going straight to Facebook.

Keep sucking!

-That's good.

-What does it taste like?

It tastes like Mikey's sock.

But I mean that in a good way.

Here, try it.

I miss Mikey's little feet

and his socks.

Yeah. Here.

Okay, ready?

Oh, God! That really hurt.

What?

Oh, my God!

-Guys!

-Natalie! Tim!

You've gotta be kidding me!

What?

-Can I take this?

-Are you kidding me?

We are here because of you.

You told us about this place

and that's why we came!

You are here. In Marrakesh.

-That's a good memory. Wow.

-Amazing!

-What?

-That's amazing.

-My God.

-You have a baby!

-Yes, he just fell asleep.

-He just fell asleep.

You had a baby? You old dogs!

Does that mean

you guys left the agency?

-Well, yeah. It's a very...

-Well...

-Yeah?

-Long story.

But we can't really

get into it right now.

But, it's good to see you!

Jeff, do me a big favor?

Will you just...

-scoot a little bit to your right?

-Yeah. Sure thing.

Thank you!

I am blown away, you guys.

This is un--

Jeff, I don't want you

to turn around right now,

but there are four guys in fezzes

behind you on the...

Jeff, I just said don't turn around.

Jeff, I just specifically

asked you not to turn around.

I know but you said there are four

guys in fezzes behind me.

We're in Morocco.

There's a lot of fezzes.

But it's human nature,

I think, to turn around

to something like that.

Don't you think?

Honey. We blew their cover again.

-No! No.

-What?

-We should feed the baby?

-I think we should feed the baby.

-If you can just pass me the bottle...

-We blew their cover?

-...that would be great.

-Darn it.

-Can you hold this bag for me?

-Do you mind holding the baby?

Before you freak out,

it's just a baby.

-All right? Don't worry.

-Kids are great! I have pictures.

-Karen, how do you get--

-I'll tell you what.

Just put it in here and show me.

Kind of see what I'm dealing with.

Okay. I see now.

Okay? See what that is?

-It's okay, honey.

-I need you to breathe.

-You can do it.

-You've done this before.

On three, I want you to get down,

and take cover. Okay?

One...

Two...

Jesus, Jeff!

Everybody down, right now.

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