Kevin Hart: What Now? Page #2

---

Do something!

Raise.

Whoa! No, no, no,

I didn't raise.

That was obvious,

I made a mistake.

Don't!

Hey, you cannot

touch this pot, sir.

I'm f***ing touching the pot!

These are my chips!

Are you motherfuckers

in cahoots?

KEVIN:
I call.

I call that.

Oh, you call that?

You know what I call?

I call that.

You know what I call?

(SCREAMS)

What you doing?

Grab him!

Okay! Okay!

I'm gonna kill you, Kevin!

Get your ass up outta here.

Get up outta here!

I'll see you in

the parking lot, Kevin!

You motherf***er!

I'ma kill you!

I hate you!

(SLURPING)

(SNORTS)

Raise. $2 million.

Whoa.

(WHISPERING LOUDLY)

Go all in!

I'm all in. All of it.

(CLICKING TONGUE)

DEALER:
All in.

Call.

This hand is gettin'

kind of crazy.

DEALER:
Show

your hand, please.

Ouch.

DEALER:
Full house.

Aces for kings.

God.

That's over $5 million.

Mr. Hart.

I didn't know

he had that.

Hmm.

(KEVIN EXHALES)

Uh-oh. What's that?

Ace to five.

Straight flush.

"Straight flush."

What is it?

Straight flush.

"Straight flush."

Mr. Hart wins.

Whoo! Yes!

Uh-oh!

(GROWLS)

Chips! Chips,

chips, chips!

DEALER:
This all for you.

One, two, three...

(CLEARS THROAT)

Ninety-six, ninety-seven,

ninety-eight...

Hey.

Where's the money at?

I put it in the case.

In what case?

In this case.

You put all that

money in this case?

Why are you asking

such dumb questions?

Yes, I put the money

in the case!

Oh, so now you can turn into

David f***ing Copperfield!

Tell me... Woman!

You act like the money

couldn't have fell off

the table.

That's possible.

Mr. Hart?

Ah! You must think that

you're a very funny guy,

huh?

You have to think that

you're the funniest man

in America

to even think

about pulling off

what you're trying

to pull off today. Hmm?

That you're doing

what nobody else

out there is doing, huh?

(LAUGHS) You have to think

that you have the entire

world by the balls.

Hmm? This what you think?

You insult me.

But I'm going

to give you one chance

to get out of here alive.

Without the money.

Then I don't ever want to

see that little sh*t face

of yours ever again.

Now, hand over the case.

Mmm-mmm.

I'm not giving you my money.

This is gonna pay

for my global tour.

(SCOFFS)

Eighteen seconds.

Eighteen seconds,

but I could shave

three seconds off,

gets me 15 seconds.

Minus the two,

that puts me at 13.

Thirteen plus four

puts me back at 17.

Seventeen plus one

puts me back at 18.

Eighteen minus four is 14.

Fourteen minus two is 12.

Twelve times pi?

F***! What is 12 times pi?

Wait, pi? What is pi?

Uh, four?

Okay, so we'll go with four.

(MUMBLING)

Forget it.

Forget pi, forget pi.

Just do the 14 minus two.

Fourteen minus two

puts me back at 12.

12 seconds.

That's what

it's gonna take.

(GRUNTING)

(GROANS)

(GRUNTING)

(GROANS)

(YELLS)

(YELLS)

(BLOOD SPLATTERING)

Are you f***ing

kidding me?

(YAWNS)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(GROANING)

What the f***?

Damn it!

He's a bleeder!

Sh*t!

F***! Sh*t! (GRUNTS)

(EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST)

(SOBS)

(GASPS)

What the f***

was you doing?

Huh?

Ain't sh*t on you,

your dress ain't

messed up, hair all nice.

You wanna

explain yourself?

Kevin, I'm Halle Berry.

I don't get messed up.

Let's go.

That's a bunch

of Halle bullshit!

Could've gotten me

a napkin or something!

(BEEPS)

I didn't even start the watch!

Goddamn it, Kevin!

I can't just walk

around like this.

This means I'm gonna be late.

You know that, don't you?

I'ma get you

some clothes.

Will you stop? Stop!

What?

Look at me!

I'm covered

in f***ing blood!

I see that, Kevin.

But nobody around

here notices that,

so just walk normal.

What it is, baby?

What the hell

happened to you, man?

I love you, too.

Nigga, you look dead!

See? I'm saying people

already notice this sh*t.

Yo, you on

your period,

my man?

Ain't every man?

What?

Halle, you gotta get

me some damn clothes!

(CLEARS THROAT)

What took you

so long?

What kind of question

is that?

What do you mean,

what took me so long?

I was getting

the blood off of me.

What were you doing?

I thought you

was gonna be long.

Why would you think

I would be long?

Because you're a woman.

Women take long.

Everyone knows that.

(SCOFFS)

How about, "Kevin,

you look nice"?

How about, "I see what

you did with the time"?

You don't feel

like a compliment

is necessary?

That's your problem.

Like, why you got

an attitude?

I just gotta get

my mind right. So much

stuff happened today.

Just calm down.

I know.

Hey, thank you.

Sh*t!

(PEOPLE CLAMORING)

Close your mouth, Kevin.

Let's go.

Oh!

Where the f***

you get a gun from?

Kevin, we love you! Yay!

(SCANNER BEEPING)

Kevin, you the man!

Kevin Hart,

we love you, man!

Sh*t.

(AUDIENCE CLAMORING)

You hear that?

I do.

Sh*t.

What now?

What now is I do my job.

Okay.

Be careful.

KEVIN:
Wait a minute.

Is Halle Berry

giving me the look?

Okay, listen up, people.

If you think I'ma have

Halle Berry in my movie

and I'm not gonna kiss her,

you got another thing coming.

That's goddamn Halle Berry!

She about to get a berry blast

of these lips,

I'll tell you that.

(SMACKS LIPS)

Well, now that I

know what we both want,

I'll stop wasting time.

Oh!

Mmm!

What are you doing?

You know what I'm doing.

I'm about to kiss you.

Nobody said anything

about a kiss.

Just do a little one.

I'm not kissing you,

Kevin. Come on.

Do this.

Okay.

No. With your lips.

Fine, forget it.

Hey, Tim?

TIM:
Yeah, Kev?

Let's just take it

from the top.

TIM:
Good idea.

Ready?

I'm ready.

TIM:
And action.

Be careful.

No, you be careful.

Because being careful is

what I'm most careful at.

I do it very carefully.

What the f***

did you just say?

Goddamn it, just... Sh*t!

F*** me!

Don't worry about me.

You hear me?

Are you sure you

don't want to kiss?

Kevin...

Shh.

Ew.

Okay?

All right, boy,

let's cut the sh*t.

Let's do what you do best.

Let's go make

these people laugh.

It's showtime!

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

Philadelphia,

make some f***ing noise!

(CHEERING INTENSIFIES)

No.

That's not good enough

for me.

Goddamn it,

we sold a football

stadium out tonight.

So I need to hear that!

I need to hear that!

So I'ma ask my city

one more time...

Philadelphia,

make some f***ing noise!

(CHEERING LOUDLY)

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yes!

Goddamn it,

we about to get loose.

I can honestly say that

the city of Philadelphia

has my back.

Is it safe to

say that, Philly?

It's safe to say that.

I think it's only right

that I show Philadelphia

that love back.

Can I see

Philadelphia behind me?

Can I do that, please?

Can I see my city

behind me?

We about to have

a good time tonight.

We love you, Kevin!

The name of

this show is called

What Now?, people.

The reason why I decided

to call it What Now?,

is because that's the question

that I get the most.

"Kevin, what the f***

are you gonna do now?"

I love that question

because I always

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes