Kicking and Screaming Page #3

Look, I gotta go.

Okay.

Okay. We'll discuss this.

All right.

Okay. Bye.

"Was it the woman in lace-top thigh-highs?

"The chemise and wrap?

"The matte satin boxer pajamas?

"Or the Taylor strapless bra?

"He closed the catalog.

"Gower felt like he could

shout into Father's pillow.

And he never got her call. "

- Lester.

- I find this is Grover's most mature work to date.

The scene with the carrot peeler

really resonated.

The piece really had

a One Hundred Years of Solitude bent to it.

- Right.

- I'll give you one hundred years of solitude.

The prose is like the bastard child

of Raymond Carver.

Like Ray Carver meets Fitzgerald.

- Gail.

- When you think about it...

the main character

has a little Holden Caulfield...

crossed with Humbert Humbert...

and then in that sort of

pseudo Russian novel ilk.

I think it's Grover's best work to date.

Yes.

You're pretty.

I'd like to say first up that, uh...

the prose is remarkable.

It's beautifully written.

Uh, however, I've noticed that, uh,

the characters in Grover's stories...

spend all their time

discussing the least important... things.

Uh- You know,

like what to have for dinner or...

who's the best-looking model

in the Victoria's Secret catalog.

I don't know.

To me, the story just seemed slight.

It had the feeling of being

written in - in one night.

I - I think I said plenty.

Uh, perhaps something rubbed Ms. -

Hayworth.

Well, it seems I must have done something right

if Ms. Hayworth has reacted so strongly.

And this was a particularly hot issue

of Victoria's Secret.

They had to make some

very tough decisions.

You -You joke, but I really see nothing wrong

with dealing with the important subject matter.

All that thought and energy

put into Saturday morning cartoons.

I - I think its depressing.

Max. Max. Max. I put my hand in my mouth after

I touched all that money. Can that be bad for you?

Of course.

That's how germs are spread.

- Chet. Two pitchers, please.

- Sir.

So my feeling is we're like a club.

A bunch of guys hanging out all the time.

- We should have a name.

- What do you have in mind?

I don't know. Something that won't

sound so stupid, look good on a satin jacket.

- Have you heard from Jane, Grover?

- Uh, no. We didn't end so good.

- How are you, Chet?

- I got a postcard from her.

That's one of Kafka's houses.

Something tough.

- Cougars?

- As you can probably imagine...

I've lost quite a few

girlfriends to graduation.

What do you think about Cougars?

- Get the glasses.

- Thank you, sir.

No. Wait.

No. You're making me make myself dizzy.

Skippy wants to name our group.

- What group?

- What's the name?

- I was thinking of something like Cougars or Hawks or something.

- I see.

- We could get matching lobster bibs with our names.

- Or a special brand for cattle.

- Forget it. Let's go to the Hole.

- No. No way. No Hole for me.

That's where we're comfortable.

That's -That's where the fun is.

Freshman biddies are there.

I don't need to go to a campus bar

to be reminded of my lack of success...

with a bunch of thrill-seeking

snotty college kids.

That's us!

We're like celebrities to them.

No. We were celebrities.

Now going back would be

like doing Hollywood Squares.

I'm too nostalgic. I'll admit it.

We graduated four months ago.

What can you possibly be nostalgic for?

- I'll be right back.

- I'm nostalgic for conversations I had yesterday.

I've begun reminiscing events before

they even occur. I'm reminiscing this right now.

I can't go to the bar because I've already looked back

on it in my memory, and I didn't have a good time.

Yeah. I - I think I'm gonna

switch back to briefs.

Kate.

It's great to see you.

Grover, if you're still here,

you could tutor me.

- Uh, yeah. I'd like that.

- That's high-speed.

Got any stories for me to read?

Uh, not yet.

I think you're up to date on my oeuvre.

How's your love life, Grover?

It's okay. It's a C-plus.

It's okay.

- I've reenrolled in school.

- You can't do that.

Oh, can't I?

Hey, Chet. Come over here.

- Oh, God. Don't bring him over here.

- Chet!

Why not?

He's taken every class in the school.

- He's like some kind of mad genius.

- It's like having a parent around.

- You can't reenroll.

- Ah, but I can, Max.

See, I have money saved up

from my valet parking job over the summer...

and fortunately, that Cutlass's fender

I crushed isn't gonna sue.

I'm auditing the classes I think I missed out on

in our measly four years.

Look. We didn't learn enough in school,

and now it's up to us to educate ourselves.

- I think Chet'll back me up here.

- Got your back.

- Thank you.

- What are you takin'?

I'm taking, uh-

What are you doing? Give me that.

You're always taking things.

You're not interested in anything

unless someone else has it.

- Who's the child?

- This is Kate, my tutee.

What do you know about tutoring?

And Otis, with his mechanical engi -

Why does everybody have these little things

they do that I don't know anything about?

'Cause you don't listen.

I know Kate.

Thank you.

Max, you're a philosophy major.

You'll be interested in this. I'm taking

Ethics, Scandinavian Lit, Personality.

- You took Personality.

- No. I took Behavior. There's a difference.

- A very big one.

- You know, you guys all talk the same.

Okay. I'm going home.

I got boxes to pack.

If Mrs. Eargle is teaching

Scandinavian Lit, I wouldn't take it.

She's okay one-on-one,

but a horrible lecturer.

Enjoy school.

It was nice to meet you, Kate.

- Chet, always a pleasure.

- Sir.

- Me and Max met before.

- He's just being cool.

Trust me.

Max won't ever enjoy life, the way he acts.

Hey. I might have a job.

I have to go back for my second interview.

Really? Great! Where?

Video Planet.

You need a second interview

at Video Planet?

- Apparently.

- Huh.

What time is it?

Aw, sh*t. I'm supposed to meet Miami

at the Hole five minutes ago.

I'll see you guys there?

Cougars. Cougars.

Cougars!

Well, that's true.

That's true, Rick.

But if you'll excuse me,

and I'm paraphrasing myself here...

but I have said before

that if Plato is a fine red wine...

then Aristotle is a dry martini.

Just so you understand me.

Imagine it's going much more quickly though now.

Oh. Thank you.

Thanks a lot.

Thanks very much.

Oh, my God.

Jesus.

Look at this.

There's, like, food in here.

- In the beer. There's food in the beer!

- Return it.

No. I mean, I don't want to upset her.

No, no, no, no, no, no!

- Return it.

- I - I don't want to bother her.

She seems really irritable -

a little distant.

I don't know. I think it's been a hard day for her.

This might just set her over the edge.

I want her to like me.

I - I like this better anyway.

It's like a piece of chicken wing

or a... cheese fry.

- I mean, look at this.

- Don't complain to me if you're not gonna return it.

I probably should have sent it back, I guess.

Wait a minute. Listen. Seriously.

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