Kicking and Screaming Page #5

this is really weird...

but I - I did think

that your story was okay.

Oh. Well, thanks.

Uh, while I'm here, um...

I'd just like to respond to

a remark that you made in class yesterday.

You know, I couldn't think of

anything clever to say then, but...

last night, while I was lying in bed,

I came up with a retort.

And when you said that I might be perversely

attracted to your story, I should have responded...

"I'm not attracted to

so many spelling mistakes. "

I'm responding to your witticism now.

Fourteen hours after I said it?

Yes.

Uh-huh.

- Oh.

- There you go.

- Thanks.

- I really appreciate you meeting here.

- Uh, I'd have met at my house, but my mom and I had an argument.

- Oh, no problem. Please.

She got really angry yesterday.

- Um, where should we, um -

- It's your, uh -

I think I'm gonna sit here.

I never really sit here.

All right.

Well, why don't I sit here?

Oh, that's Max's place.

Yeah. I'm feeling kind of surly.

Yeah. Speaking of, uh - of surly Max...

um, it might be better if we don't ever

mention this book club to Max.

Why-Why is that? Are you ashamed

that we're starting a book club?

No, no, no.

Nothing like that. It's just that -

You know Max.

He very likely will have an opinion.

Yeah.

You're probably right.

Well, shall we begin?

Mmm.

First of all, thank God

we speak fluent Spanish, huh?

Geez. Uh, you know what I noticed near the end

of the book, when Grady goes to the prison?

That the violence, which has up to then

had a ferocious energy about it...

departed from the emotional

violence and became...

terrifyingly brutal and real.

And particularly after he left the prison,

and he went to find that horse...

I found the descriptions

of the horse to be, frankly...

astonishingly beautiful,

and yet disturbingly arousing.

- Mm-hmm.

- What are your thoughts?

Um, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely.

Um, you are -

You're right on, I think.

You really-

You've pinned down the, uh -

what it is about the book.

Uh, definitely with the -

the prison when, um -

when Grady is, um - does - he's -

There's violence. There's a lot of violence.

And it's like night and day.

And when Grady, uh-

He saw all those- those horses,

I think you were saying, um...

and it was... arousing.

It was violently arousing.

Otis, have you read this book?

Yeah.

- No.

- Oh, please.

Uh - It's just that I've been so busy.

I managed to read this entire book

and form a few thoughts about it.

If you're not gonna take this seriously,

perhaps we should disband the club now...

before feelings get hurt.

No, no, no. No, no, no.

I don't want to - any- any feelings that are -

I was remiss in that I - I -

I've got my brother

with the mail fraud thing and my-

My mother caught me

authorizing the porn station last night. So -

Ooh.

I'm sorry.

I don't mean to laugh, but -

She was angry

like I've never seen her before.

Yeah. Wow.

God, you know, I think

I'm gonna blow this job interview off.

Oh, no. Otis, please don't.

You obviously need a healthy dose of self-esteem.

You need a job. Get out of your mom's home.

Get a job. Please.

I know.

But I -What if I don't get it?

Well, you shoot for the stars,

and you hit the roof.

Yeah.

Well, next week?

Next week without - by far-

I mean, this -

You know, from your description,

this sounds like a great - great book.

- Who would win? Freddy or Jason?

- Freddy.

So you've gotta be ready at all times.

'Cause if the customer

wants to know where a movie is...

you've gotta be prepared

to tell him what section it's in.

- Sure.

- Okay. For example...

if I were to say Turner & Hooch,

what would you say?

- Comedy.

- Close. We've got a special section for dog pictures.

- Dog buddy pictures.

- Oh. I see.

Look at this!

Someone put Terms of Endearment

in with prison movies. Earl!

That twit. Its supposed to go

in "Terminal Illness. "

What are your influences?

Um...

Samuel Fuller.

- All the good ones. All the other ones.

- Yeah. Yeah.

Ah, Dad seems fine.

Yeah.

Well -Well, it's - I don't -

It's hard to tell on the phone.

- Otis.

- Uh-huh.

When would be a good time?

No, he seems better.

He seems less depressed.

Otis?

No. I don't think you ruined his life.

He'll recover.

Mm-hmm.

- Well, no, listen.

- Me?

- I was told to be here for Friday book club to discuss the novel we'd read during the week.

- I don't know.

- I'm having trouble focusing. -

Have you even read the book? - Yes!

- My mind wanders.

- We'll talk about the book later.

No. Listen. I'm here.

I don't like to waste my time.

I'm calm. I'll help you clean up.

Tidy's a lifestyle choice.

I like to be of service.

- Just pisses me off.

- Why do you keep bringing him here?

Well, he's a friend of mine. I think it's -

I think it's good to make new friends.

Why do you need more friends?

What about me? You got enough friends.

A new one is bad.

You start spreading around your affection,

and it runs thin. Believe me.

- Since when is there a book club?

- Want to join?

- No.

- Your loss.

- So that's where that was.

- Yeah. I don't know why I keep packing it.

Oh, my God.

There's hair all over the floor.

This place is a pigsty.

What's that you're doing?

Huh? Oh, I'm, uh, measuring the distance

from the couch to the TV.

Uh, Chet said that we've been sitting

a couple inches too close.

Don't you find all that television

watching's a waste of time?

Of course. But you're doing the crossword, which

is just as much a waste of time, if not a greater one.

Yeah, but at least I'm thinking of words

and roots of words and sometimes in Latin.

A waste of time, yes.

A bigger waste of time than TV? No.

Anyone beat off today?

- Hey, Grover. How's your dad?

- That was Mom.

Oh. How is Julie?

Isn't it bad enough

to be whipped by your own mother...

you have to have this wussy

relationship with Grover's?

You are a jackanapes.

- A jackanapes!

- Jackanapes.

Can we skip the pleasantries

and finish our conversation, Mr. Book Club?

Lay off the book club.

I watch TV with a critical eye.

If I get truly sucked in,

I know it's time to change the channel.

"Is it abbreviated?" "Is it plural?"

These are the questions I have to ask myself.

- Max, can I ask you a question? - Your attention

span is, like, one-quarter of a music video.

There are many dull parts in the videos.

- Max, did you screw Miami?

- What?

- Otis?

- I thought he knew.

No, I just told you...

out of guilt.

We've developed such a weak, pathetic familiarity

that talking to you is like talking to myself.

I think the operative words in this situation

are "weak" and "pathetic. "

What are we supposed to do

with this information? I don't want it.

Well, then give it back.

And stop looking at me, Chet.

I can see he's judging me.

Stop judging me!

Put the broom down! Stop cleaning!

Well, you'll do what you wanna do.

But Skippy is your fr-

Shut up!

Max.

How was she?

- What's wrong?

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