Kicking and Screaming Page #6

- Nothing.

It's just, you gave me a black cup.

I can't drink from a black cup.

Huh.

It's just too much black. See, I -

All that black, I can't see the coffee.

I like to see what I'm drinking.

Yeah.

I don't like raisins.

It's so funny, because my mother,

she used to make me eat them...

even though she knew

that I hated them.

And then she - she -

The end.

Fifty cents.

- What's this?

- For my raisin story.

When I tell a bad story,

I like to pay people for their time.

No, I liked it. It was good.

It was short, but I liked it.

Especially the part about your mother.

- Really? You did?

- Yeah.

I'll just -

I'll take a quarter.

Do you, uh...

want that?

No, no. That's -That's okay.

That's -

My parents -

They still come and visit me

after four years.

You'd think they'd be sick of it.

- Your parents still together?

- You know.

Ooh.

- What are you writing?

- I don't know.

I've always thought that my parents were part

of the trickle-down method of parenting...

like a reflection on the Reagan years -

look good to a lot of people.

But, basically, I'm paying

for all that neglect now.

I guess my parents have sort of

a Lyndon Johnson feel to them...

like there's no satisfactory reason

why they became parents...

like my real parents

were assassinated...

and these people

just were next in line for the job.

I don't know. They fight a lot,

but they'll never split.

Wish this year

would last forever sometimes.

I know.

All right, listen,

can I talk to you-

Listen, mister, don't even start with me,

because this has been the worst day.

Join the club.

- Bonjour, Max.

I can't believe I'm doing this. I hated the food

when I went here. Now I'm back by choice.

- What can I get for you?

- Can I get some more pasta and a potato, please?

Sorry. I can't give you both.

One entre per person.

Potato is an entre?

- Yep. It's all some people eat around here.

- Since when is potato an entre?

When I went here you could get

two potatoes, sometimes, and an entre.

Well, things have changed, you know.

Cutbacks.

Couldn't you just

bend the rules a bit...

Kate?

I'm sorry. I can't.

I'm not a student here.

This is my job. I could get fired.

Aren't you Grover's friend?

Yeah.

Oh. You're the girl.

- This is your job.

- It's my job.

Kate. Max.

- So, what can I get for ya?

- Can I get another potato, Kate?

Sure.

Hi.

Uh, it's me.

I feel really stupid calling again.

I wish someone would just

pick up or call or something.

Max, are you there?

Are you doing a crossword?

I have this fear that you're all around

the machine giggling or something.

Grover...

I just wanted to tell you that I -

This is gonna be a tight year.

The separation is costing

a lot more than I had anticipated.

You know, Ellen has this property.

Car's still there?

Yeah. I'd feel more comfortable

if we sat by the window...

so I could keep an eye on it.

How's Jane?

- Still in Czechoslovakia.

- You mean the Czech Republic.

Yeah, I guess I do.

Well, Czech or Slovakia.

Gotta read the newspapers, Grover.

In college I didn't get much chance

to read up on things.

Why aren't you with her?

- Is that everything you own?

- Yeah, except for some stuff I got in storage.

- Do you have any more cheese?

- Just Cheez Whiz, actually.

- That's okay.

- All right.

I started to run.

Then I threw out my back.

Beautiful campus here.

So, I've been thinking of things

to help you write...

to unblock.

I liked that one story you sent me last year,

the one about you and your mother.

Oh, would you tell your mother that we still

have to settle the telephone bill from last May?

Yeah, sure.

I'll bet if your math grades had been higher,

you probably could have gotten into Brown.

So, I'm moving in with Ellen.

She's got this lovely property

in Oyster Bay.

Beautiful grounds.

Right on the ocean. Grotto pool.

So you're officially divorced?

No. Legally separated.

Divorce would be

a little expensive for us right now.

I think the fact that you

were still going to school...

sort of kept us together.

Yeah?

Well, good, I guess.

It's tough - It's tough...

as I'm sure you know,

dating women.

Mm-hmm.

Before Ellen, right after your mother,

I went to bed with a woman. She was -

Dad, I'm not really ready to accept you

as a human being yet.

The idea of you and Mom is disgusting enough.

But you and another woman -

I mean, I'm 56 years old

and I gotta start using condoms again.

- Dad. Dad, stop.

- It's crazy.

By the time you get it out of the package,

you lose your erection.

Dad, Dad, Dad!

Sorry.

It's just, making adjustments to living

without your mother is wearing on me.

I have to work at my adjustments.

I think your mother's

better at it than I am.

She seems to be okay.

Is that right?

Yeah. She seems good.

But from what I can tell,

this is pretty much her decision.

Yeah.

I hate to compromise.

Find a balance.

Ah, here's my fancy rental car.

Got a good deal on it though.

Anyway, I was thinking that, uh...

maybe you'd be interested in

moving into my apartment in the Village.

There's a really nice coffee shop on the corner-

a lot of writers and artists.

Until you're ready

to get on your feet.

I'm not really too into

the coffeehouse thing.

It's stupid.

Well, you don't have to go there.

I'll leave the cable in.

You'll get all the Knick games.

It'd only be until next summer, though,

'cause I'd like to rent it by then.

Ellen used to work at the New Yorker...

and I'll bet she could get you an internship

or something if you're interested.

Yeah.

That actually sounds kinda nice.

Ellen really likes you.

I don't wear jeans a lot.

I don't feel comfortable in jeans.

- So, wanna take my car or yours?

- I don't have a car. I don't drive.

- So, you wanna take mine?

- Yeah, that sounds good.

You know, I was thinking, uh...

maybe you should apply

to graduate school in California.

- I've always wanted to go there.

- Why don't you apply to grad school in California?

Or that.

I don't know about things, Jack.

What don't you know?

Can we, uh, just admit some lies that

we may have told each other?

Oh, God. What a question.

What?

I'm gonna write it down.

What?

Throw me the Sharpie.

Thanks.

I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry.

It was weeks ago.

It was at the Hole, and-

I have a tremendous heat

running through my body.

- Look at this suckwad.

- Wh-What are you doing?

Hey, joker, get out of my spot!

What's your f***in' problem, you suck-ass?

We were here first!

Hey, jerkwad, get out of my spot!

Get! Get, you motherf-

This is fine, Kate.

Let's just park here.

This is good.

You wanna fight me? You wanna fight me?

I'll break your f***in' legs!

I'm gonna break your f***in legs.

I'm gonna break his f***in' legs.

Bet he kills Bambi.

I'm gonna smash that car

and I'm gonna break your f***in' legs!

- Hey, suckwad, gonna get out? Think you're so tough?

- This shouldn't be done.

This guy would rather be bow hunting.

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