Kid Cannabis Page #2

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Then all I have is a 20.

Huh? We got a deal, Nate?

Thank you. There you go, sir.

Let me grab that.

It's a write-Off.

Now, shouldn't you be toodling

off back to pizza base camp?

Hmm?

Good to meet you, Nate.

Say hi to the big-Titted

redhead for me.

Girls!

We got pie.

Woo!

It was like I'd been living

my entire life in a fog,

And that night

it finally lifted.

Like Donald trump says,

"If you want to make money,

stick with what you love and know."

Hey.

Oh, hey, ma. You're late.

Yeah. Some yuppies

ran out on their bill,

And randy made me wash dishes

to cover their check.

Sucks.

Hey. You need to get

some sleep.

Good night, mom.

Good night, baby.

Yes? Okay.

Tom? Tom.

Mr. Loya can see you now.

First office to your right.

Thank you.

Come in.

Come in.

Close the door there, yeah.

I'm Joe Loya.

Hi. Tom Clark. Pleasure.

Take it off.

Take what off?

The mask.

Okay.

I'm... I'm sorry.

I didn't want to be seen.

I'm a little nervous.

Sorry. Didn't mean

to weird you out.

So?

So.

What can I do for you today?

Uh, marijuana.

I have a friend who...

Kind of a friend,

That he or she

May-May-May be interested

In, uh, in the business.

So, you want to know

how much time you would do

If you get popped dealing weed.

Um, not-Not dealing.

Transporting.

Not-Not me, though.

Trafficking?

Yeah, but once again,

not me, my friend.

Uh, might be doing it.

Maybe. Well,

there are a lot of variables.

How much weight? Are you

crossing state lines?

Are you carrying a firearm?

Is this a federal case or a state case?

If it's a state case,

which state and who's the judge?

Do you have any priors?

The critical element in

whether you walk away

Or you're there to stay is

have you stashed enough money

To pay my fee?

Oh. Okay.

How much weed do you think

was sold in America last year?

I don't know. Not enough.

Come on, man. How much?

Two million pounds.

No.

Fifty million pounds?

No. No.

I don't know. How much?

All of it.

I mean, the market is huge.

It's infinite.

And you know who sells the sweetest,

dankest purple-Hair buds

In the whole western world?

What's with the 20 freaking questions?

Dude, man, Canada. Every ma and

pa kettle in Canada's a grower.

You want to know why?

No, Nate. Enlighten me.

If you get caught growing,

slap on the wrist. Nobody gives a sh*t.

It's like a speeding ticket

or an overdue library book.

We don't live in Canada.

It's a hundred miles away, dude.

The border's wide open.

The border's n...

If the border's wide open, why

did Ronnie price get popped

With a half a pound coming home from

a hockey tournament in Vancouver?

Dumbass, I'm not talking about

driving it across the border.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about walking across the

5,000 miles they're not watching.

You think that they're not watching.

I know they're not watching.

Okay. My dad says if anyone

deals with drugs,

You better get rich quick,

because you're gonna get caught in the end.

Oh, yeah? You know

what my dad says?

Nothing, 'cause I don't have one,

so I gotta make it on my own.

I'm talking about pot here.

Thomas Jefferson

and George Washington grew it.

Columbus's sails were made out of it.

I mean, even the first pair of levis

Were made out of it, man.

You talk so much sh*t for a kid

Who didn't graduate high school.

I'm saying we could

bring in a few pounds,

Offload it in, what, five

and a half seconds?

Get the 50 large we need

to open that custom bike shop

We've always been talking about.

Keep it small, just between us.

In and out, short and sweet,

we eat and treat.

Yeah, but you know how much time

we would do if we got caught?

I know exactly how much time.

Keep it under five pounds,

no weapons, no priors?

We'd do a year. Be out

in four months.

Wow. You've been chewing

on this for a while, huh?

Yeah, a while.

Pop that p*ssy full of poppy

lunch at nobu bring hot sake

go with me on Kawasaki's

Do you even know

where we're going?

North. This way.

Come on.

So that's it, huh?

That's the border?

There's got to be a camera or some

motion detectors or some sh*t.

Let's find out.

On my three.

One, two, three, go.

What the hell?

Sorry, sorry, my foot got stuck.

Yeah, let's go again. Ready?

One, two, three, go.

I'd never ran as fast

as I did that day.

We ran like Kenyan

track stars on meth.

Like we were being chased by H.I.V-Positive,

flesh-Eating zombies on motocross bikes.

We were just waiting

for the sirens to go off,

The helicopters to come

swooping out of the sky,

For the lasers and ninjas

with searchlights.

Waiting for all the sh*t

to fly out of the sky,

But surprise, surprise,

It never did.

What do you think?

I have no idea, man.

Is it Canada?

Could be.

Can't see any f***ing cars.

F*** it. Let's go. Come on.

Where the f*** are we?

Dude.

What?

It's in kilometers.

So?

We're in Canada, man!

Really?

Yes!

Wait. Go.

We needed startup capital,

So we went back to the lake

and found a sunken jet boat

In, like, ten seconds.

The magic boat that no one

thought really existed.

Some sucker peeled off

the 1800 we were asking,

And boom, boom, boom,

we were knocking at the door

Of the "a" room.

Financing in place,

Route laid out.

Now, to get higher, all we

needed was a supplier.

Just be cool. Just

keep it cool, buddy.

You all right?

Yeah, yeah, I'm good. I got this.

Besides, we don't have

anything on us, so we're fine.

Relax. I've got it

under control.

Hello.

See some I.D.

Sure. Not-Not a very

good looking picture.

Dude, shut up.

You as well.

Here you go.

Did you check the N.C.I.C.?

Where you boys headed?

Canada.

What part of Canada?

The inside part. Creston.

Yeah.

We're just going to visit some friends.

Any drugs or alcohol

in the vehicle?

Oh, no. I mean, we sold them

all to get this sweet ride.

Zero to sixty in three days.

You feel?

Dude.

Take the left on your way out. Pull over

into the secondary inspection area.

Really?

Do I look like I'm joking?

Shut up.

All right.

I'm sorry. The f*** is wrong with you,

trying to be funny?

It was a dumb joke.

Trying to be a f***ing comedian.

You're not funny.

It's pathetic. I'm sorry.

Get your sweaty sh*t together, man.

I'm not doing this with you

If you're gonna be a f***ing idiot.

I'm nervous, okay?

Well, just shut up,

don't say anything.

Step out of the car, please.

Everything okay? Yep, just head to

the front of the vehicle, please.

All right.

There's nothing

in the f***ing car, right?

Nothing.

You sure?

I'm positive.

All right.

What's this, guys?

Uh, that's a paintball gun, sir.

Why just one?

I don't-I don't play

paintball, sir.

All right, guys. Empty

your pockets

For me, please, on the table.

I need you to take your socks

and shoes off, please.

Probably smell bad, but...

Shirts and shorts

for me, please.

Ahh.

This is the fun part.

Which way?

Let me see. We go...

It says 3.7 miles

To the main road.

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