Kid Cannabis Page #7

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Two bathrooms.

Anything you want.

Oh, my god.

How can you afford this,

sweetheart?

Wait, wait, wait.

You know what?

Stop...

I don't wanna know.

No, it's really...

It's fine.

These guys,

these wall street guys,

They hooked me up

with this I.P.O.

And it just...

It just blew up.

And now things are skyrocketing.

I'm cashing in.

Oh, I love you.

I love you too, mom.

Welcome home.

I don't think

my mom really bought

The I.P.O. Story.

Any mom can

Look in your eye

and see the lie.

But it took

my 11-Year-Old bro

To point out what was really up.

You're a drug dealer.

Dealing drugs.

That's what I heard.

Who told you that?

Mm, these guys from school.

I don't do drugs.

I hate drugs.

Really.

Really.

You don't do drugs, do you, kid?

No, I hate 'em.

Good.

Keep it that way, huh?

But like everyone else,

As long as they were

profiting in a fat way,

No one wanted to know

where the bags of cash

Were really coming from.

The next six months were

a green and bubbly blur.

All we were doing was

running through the woods,

And we were clearing

a million a week.

And Topher was still

sampling the buds

Every time he went over

for a pickup.

The grefards were supplying

The highest-Quality product

Anyone had ever seen.

We had an apartment

in Spokane that we used

For the dropoffs.

At first it was once a week.

Then three times a week.

Then every day of the week.

And all of our lifestyles

were taking a serious upgrade.

I finally got a legit eye exam.

With the right prescription,

the world was starting to look

A whole lot better.

I'm not saying where.

But I put a nice chunk

of my profit away

For a rainy day.

My own little 401.

Topher and I even joined a gym.

Got myself a hot trainer

and was well on my way

To losing 50 pounds

of pepperoni pizza baby fat.

Everyone was happy.

Prices were going down.

And quality up.

Everyone wanted

a piece of the pie.

We had the best-Looking

girls in town in pairs.

Girls that wouldn't've

looked in our direction

Now were sucking on

the big bong.

We were working hard

and playing even harder.

And had forgotten

old man grefard's advice

About not flashing your hubris

And candy apples, whatever.

My head was so far up my ass,

National geographic

couldn't've found it.

But then one night,

we got a big wake-Up call.

What is it?

Did you hear that?

What's going on?

Thought I heard something.

F***ing hear anything...

Shut the f*** up.

Okay, do it.

Scuzz! Put out

the f***ing cigarette now!

There's nobody here.

Scuzz, put it out!

All right.

Come on, come on.

What the f*** are you doing?

Whoa.

What the f*** are you doing?

Same as you, bro.

Oh yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's your first mistake.

I got the franchise for

this part of the world,

You understand?

Give me the bag.

Give me the f***ing bag before

I bust a cap in your ass!

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

I'm giving you the bag.

Relax, bro, relax...

Go go go! Go go go!

F***!

F***in' Asian ass-F*** butler.

I'd recognize that

half-Fag voice anywhere.

Thought our tickets

were punched.

I was scared spitless.

If I was smart,

I would've gave him the weed

And make you deal with

the f***in' Asian fight club.

You do that,

butler would've taken the weed

And killed everyone.

Case closed.

All these guys deserve triple

the money on the next run.

F*** yeah!

F*** yeah! Hazard pay!

We got f***in' shot at.

Guys, you knew the risks.

F*** man,

we could've been killed.

But you weren't, and it's over.

So money's not gonna

change anything.

F*** yeah it will.

It'll keep you

in business, Nate.

What do you guys

want from me, huh?

What do we want?

What the f...

We just got shot at.

Have you ever been shot at?

No. Have you ever

been shot at?

No.

We just got shot at.

We just got f***ing shot at.

Where were you?

Well, I was on the phone...

Well, I was... F*** you.

You were sitting

On your computer

eating f***ing donuts

While we're doing

all the f***ing work.

F*** that!

Jesus f***ing Christ,

you see what we're f***ing doing for you?

Wait, wait, wait. Wait.

Are you f***ing high?

No, I'm not.

You just sitting there, smoking bong loads

While we're doing

all the f***ing work?

Come on, man.

All right! Okay!

Okay, all right. Okay.

Jesus. F***.

You'll get your triple pay

just this once, okay?

I mean, I'm not gonna

be making anything,

But that's okay.

I want you guys to be happy.

I want you guys to be safe.

You're not just my employees.

You're my best friends.

I love you guys.

So, yeah.

This time I'll do it.

Okay?

We cool?

Just find another route, please?

Be safe?

We're gonna be glocked

and cocked from now on.

I did give them

triple pay for that run.

And they all showed up

for my birthday bash.

Taking full advantage

of my hospitality.

Looking back,

I probably should've

Reined things in earlier.

But how do you keep

kids like this...

Santa's broken toys

from broken homes

And almost always broke...

From celebrating their success?

While we were celebrating

peace and prosperity,

Oxycontin-Fueled jealousy

was lurking around the corner.

Little f***in'

wannabe-Me's!

Think you can do what I do?

I'll show you what I do.

Dude, you're just gonna shoot

some random f***ing geeks

Like that?

Cool.

Hey, mom.

How're you doing?

Good party? Yeah.

Better in 30 seconds.

It was pretty cool

being able to bring

Two fine and flexible girls

whose name I didn't know

Back to my bedroom.

Oh, come on.

I think mom got

a kick out of it.

A year ago,

I couldn't approach a girl

If she was naked

and calling my name

With a 40-Ouncer

in each hand.

But I never fooled myself

Into thinking

I was getting babes

Because of my looks

or my thumb size

And curved dick.

I'd like to think

they would've come back

For seconds even if I went back

To delivering pizzas.

I'd like to think that,

but I was stoned

And delusional, to be honest.

Hot chicks are starfuckers

in Coeur d'Alene.

And I was a star.

Here come the fireworks!

Huh?

You wanna party without me?

I own this place!

F***in' swimmin'...

I gotta check that out.

I gotta check that out.

Okay.

Maybe he wasn't

trying to hit anyone,

But Brendan butler

coming over to my house

Busting caps where my mom

and little bro live?

You don't pull

that kind of sh*t.

Hey! Hey! What the f***

are you doing here?

What the f*** are you doing?

Sh*t!

You're f***in dead,

you f***ing cocksucker!

My family's here!

My f***ing family's here!

Thank god everyone was

too wasted to shoot straight.

You guys all right?

Brendan butler's

a f***ing dead man.

These are some guys I went

to school with in Cali.

They're rock hard.

Solid as f***.

Guys, this is Brendan.

No names.

Justin.

Chicken head

skinny motherf***er.

These are them.

Which one is it?

Uh...

the fat dude with the glasses.

Nate Norman and Topher Clark.

What's this?

It's for expenses.

The bullets.

Two, three, whatever... No no no.

This is supposed to be 50k each.

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