Kill Buljo: The Movie Page #2

I'm standing right outside the pub.

You'll never guess who is sitting

at the bar pounding down booze.

No, not Ozzy Osbourne.

Jompa Tormann.

- Is this seat free?

- Hell yeah.

I know who you are,

and what you have done.

- She said she was over 16, I swear.

- What?

Forget it.

I am a police officer, you're wanted

for killing all your guests -

- at your engagement party.

- What a**hole suggested that?

- Don't spoil the atmosphere.

- I think you're innocent.

Of course I'm innocent.

Who would invite all his friends, -

- and then blow their heads off?

Do think I'm completely mad?

- Tell me what happened.

- Buljo and his men crashed the party-

- as Banana Airlines played.

They started shooting

at everyone and everything.

- Why would they do that?

- Have you ever heard Banana Airlines?

I don't know what it is about you,

Jompa, but I believe you.

Careful...

I've been hurt before.

Roll flashback.

I remember it

like it was yesterday.

We met at an AA meeting

in Lakselv.

And it was love at first sight.

God, we were happy.

How is it looking, Jompa?

It's getting there.

What the hell is that smell?

Did you skip showering today?

I am the king of Kautokeino!

- Now it's your turn.

- No, I don't want to.

Mona, if we are gonna make this work

we have to trust each other 100%.

You have to trust me with your life.

Don't think with your head,

think with your heart.

Do you trust me, Mona?

Yes, Jompa, I do.

I'm the Queen of...

Monaaaaa!

Tormann, you son of a b*tch.

Surrender or die.

B*tch?

She was known as Friendly Franny.

B*tch, whore, c*nt, tramp.

I don't really give a sh*t

what she was.

All I care about

is you coming with me, now.

No f***ing way.

You'll never take me alive.

Wisloeff, I don't think he did it.

Listen to what he has to say.

If I want a woman's advice, I'll ask

my mum. Leave the police work to me.

Enough games, come quietly or die.

F*** you!

Fine, then I guess I will have to

mix business and pleasure.

- I'll see you in hell.

- No!

I am gonna prove my innocence.

F*** the police.

That sh*t only works in the movies.

Why didn't you just drive up here?

- Sh*t!

- What can I do for you?

You can teach me how tear somebody's

head off with my bare hands.

Yes I can.

But it will cost you.

I am gonna make you pay

as the lousy dog that you are.

You will learn respect,

discipline and humility.

Welcome to hell.

F***, I just came out of rehab.

A great warrior keeps a cool head.

He is wise.

Not just with his fists.

But with his head and heart, too.

A great warrior is like water.

Be formless, shapeless - like water.

If you put water into a cup,

it becomes the cup.

You put water into a teapot,

it becomes the teapot.

Be water, my friend.

What?

Here.

Good luck, Jompa.

And remember.

To quench your lust for revenge,

you must drink blood.

You talk a lot of crap, old man.

But thanks.

Just mail me the bill.

Hold on, Jompa.

You will open this

when you are ready.

I hate soft gifts.

But OK, I'll see you around...

Cock tease.

Yes, you heard me correctly. I want

roadblocks in a 60 mile radius.

So tight that not even a fart gets

through without me knowing it.

F***, f***, f***!

We had him right in front of us.

I can't believe that Lapp got away.

This case would have been closed

if it wasn't for you, silly b*tch.

Jompa Tormann would be bending over

in the showers. He would be in jail.

But the real killers

are still at large, Wisloeff.

If I want a great recipe for

freshly made buns, I will call you.

Curse the day women were allowed

into the police force.

Curse the day morons

were allowed into the police force.

- What has Kato ever done to you?

- You, Wisloeff, you incompetent f***.

Take it easy, doll face.

What is the reason

for all this penis-envy?

You better face the facts,

you can never grow a pair of balls.

Thank God for that.

I'll solve this thing on my own.

A**hole!

Next.

Here's Jompa!

- Do you have an appointment?

- No.

Good morning, sunshine.

I have a few questions.

If you know what's best for you,

you'll tell me what I want to know.

It hurts like hell when I pee.

Why is that?

I don't know,

but I hope it kills you.

So much for courtesy.

Let's try this again, shall we?

Why did you make my engagement party

into a f***ing bloodbath?

Last chance.

Answer or die.

Maybe I should

loosen this a bit for you.

Or maybe not.

Stress, man, it's a killer.

Dad... dad.

I have some bad news.

I'm gonna have to call you back.

Jompa Tormann just blew

Kjell Driver's head off.

I gave you a simple job.

All you had to do was to kill

that nosy drunken Lapp.

And you kill 20 innocent people

in a f***ing engagement party.

Unbelievable!

How are things progressing

with the rock carvings?

Things are moving along nicely.

We're almost done.

We have manufactured

about 2000 rock carvings.

But back to Jompa Tormann.

You're my only son.

You're the one

who is supposed to spread my seed.

But since you're such a fuckup,

I'll let an outsider watch over you.

This one here,

she is the right man for the job.

What is it with you

and female bodyguards?

Sh*t!

Blowj*b, we have an intruder.

Take her down. Now!

Well looky here.

It looks like we

caught ourselves a little pig.

Tampa!

Tell the guys to get the snowmobiles

ready. Take her to the mountain.

Keep her there

until I tell you otherwise.

Nobody is gonna cock this up.

NOBODY!

I see somebody wasn't happy

with their diagnosis.

I haven't seen this much blood and

guts since I worked at McDonalds.

Kato, what happened here?

I think somebody killed the doctor.

You think somebody killed...

Brilliant.

Jake has the Fatman,

Sherlock Holmes has Doctor Watson.

Han Solo has Chewbacca.

And what the f*** do I have?

A guy that thinks that DNA

is a division in the CIA.

Get me a coffee. And I don't have to

remind you that it better be hot.

Cocksucker.

What a f***ing mess.

I think I may have discovered

the cause of death. He probably -

- showed this picture to somebody.

Wisloeff, look at this!

- What the hell is this?

- Rock carvings.

What does Kjell Driver want

with rock carvings?

Wisloeff.

Suck me sideways.

Something is not right

about this whole thing.

- Have we heard from Unni?

- We called, but there is no answer.

Nobody has seen her

for two days.

Well, what do we have here.

You really are an ugly f***, Kato.

Bring this picture back to forensics

and see what they can do with it.

Someone call the plumber.

Cause something smells funny.

Allow me to introduce

my deadliest weapon.

Lara Kofta.

She came highly recommended

by Papa Buljo himself.

She is a master with all weapons.

She has four black belts,

and a pair of suspenders.

The best thing Jompa can do now

is to go back into a coma.

Kjell Driver was dead.

I blew his head off, it felt good.

The only problem

was his reluctance to talk.

I had no idea

where they were holding up.

I couldn't stop thinking about

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