Kill List Page #2

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I just wish

I could have had a go at them.

Difficult for a man to know

where he stands these days.

You should've had a crack

at the Mick, mate.

A tour of duty in Belfast

would've done you the world of good.

I've never understood

the whole Irish thing.

Cos, I mean,

it's all the same religion, so...

Not really, love.

They're all Christian.

- That's true.

- That's debatable.

What do I get? F***ing Iraq!

- Iraq's over. What about now, eh?

- Yeah?

I've finished.

Abracadabra!

(Jay, shouting) That's my f***ing pal,

in front of my f***ing pal.

(Shel) That's not just your f***ing pal.

It's not just your f***ing pal.

It's not just your f***ing house, Jay!

(Gal) Come on, mate,

let's get you to bed.

(Shouting continues)

Don't you pay any attention to them,

they're just over excited.

why?

Because they've been drinking,

all right?

Don't you ever drink, do you hear me?

- Promise?

- Not even water?

Especially not that sh*t.

Do you know the government

puts stuff in it that shrinks your balls!

But you fall out with people, don't you?

You fall out with your mates, but then

you become friends again, don't you?

That's just what mummys

and daddys do sometimes.

That's why they're mummys and daddys

because they're best friends, you know?

Sometimes they fight,

sometimes the argue.

You know...

But it doesn't mean anything.

So, don't be worrying, all right?

Good lad.

Sorry.

(Fiona) No. Don't be silly.

How old's your boy?

- Sammy is seven.

- Oh.

You?

No. I never wanted any.

You'll change your mind.

No, I don't think so.

I love kids though...

He was the one, you know?

The love of your life?

No. The one who started it.

Knock. Knock.

Where?

Local, UK.

How many on the list?

Three. Not too strenuous.

How much?

Don't ask. Shel got it.

It's nice.

What do you think of Fiona?

Is she the one

you met at your sister's?

No, Boxercise

What?

Hey man, I tell you, a lot of tit women.

It relieves your sexual tension as well.

F***'s sake.

Hey, don't knock it till you've tried, you.

She likes it rough then?

- Wouldn't you like to f***ing know?

- I'm too old for that sh*t, so are you.

Yeah? Speak for yourself, granddad.

- Kiev was...

- Yeah, yeah... I know.

Listen man,

that was eight months ago.

You've got to get back on the horse again.

Do you know what I mean?

It's all right, it's all right.

The old team back together again.

The two musketeers!

We gonna do it?

F***ing get rid of that.

(Gal, whispering) Come on sweetheart.

Come on.

Are you OK? All right?

(Gal) The-y'll never find that body:

(Jay laughing) 'You could put

almost anything in front of it.'

It doesn't matter how disgusting it is

as long as you put that after it,

you're safe...

Fritzl could have got away with it.

It's OK, cos I don't have my gloves on.

Who'd have thunk it?

(I JOAN ARMATRADING:

"it Could Have Been Better")

J' I was very sad last night

J' You came by, I was so glad

J' Though sadness covered

the smile I kept for you

I I was waiting

for the cloud to pass over

I Then I could show my love...

I'm really sorry.

J' You could have made me laugh

if you'd stayed

J' But you left

I I was more confused

than I was before you came

J' I was frightened I

Cheers! I'll call you, all right?

- You're not driving, mate.

- I am once I find my f***ing keys.

Shel, call a cab.

I'm all right man,

dry your eyes for f***'s sake.

- I'll drop the car for you in the morning.

- The f*** you will.

(Laughs) Why do you have

such a problem following orders?

Get your f***ing hands off.

Listen, don't go behind my back

to her again!

Get the f*** off me, man!

You ripped my f***ing jeans,

you c*nt!

That's that shirt f***ed.

Wha-hey, come on!

(Laughter)

Thank f*** that's over.

Babe?

Baby, come on back in,

it's getting cold.

Yeah, I'll be up in a minute.

(Rasping whisper) 'Wake up.

'Wake up.

'Wake up.'

Wake up.

Wake up.

- Wake up.

- No.

Not now!

Come here, I ain't gonna tickle you.

- I got you now. There is no escaping!

- (Giggles)

I'm sorry about last night.

I was being an idiot.

(Jay) Shel!

Shel!

Yep. No, that's no problem.

They'll be there.

- (Jay) Shel!

- What?

- Come out here!

- What is it?

Come out here and I'll show you.

No, you come in here.

Shel. Come out here, you lazy bugger.

That's the last time.

It's an offering, not an insult.

No. She's taking the piss.

It's a cat, it can't take the piss.

What is it?

Oh no, Jay!

It's a rabbit.

Put it in the outside bin.

F*** am I. I'll cook it up

with some onion and garlic.

Not in my kitchen!

Oh, yeah.

Oh, just get rid of it, babe.

Smell of that.

What's Daddy doing?

Daddy's showing off.

What's he eating?

He's eating a rabbit.

Where from?

From the cat.

Daddy thinks the cat brings us

little presents.

The cat thinks we don't eat enough

in this house.

I just think the cat

likes killing rabbits.

(Bell tolls)

- Hey!

- (Gal) Who goes there?

(Laughs)

You all right?

- It was a good one last night, weren't it?

- Eh?

A good one last night.

- You reckon?

- Yeah.

- Nice food and all that.

- It had its moments.

Where's Fiona? Off de-forcing?

F*** knows.

What?

I think I was

a bit of a bad boy last night.

I woke up this morning

with a 'Dear John' taped to my cock.

You're joking.

No.

Oh, mate.

Get your sh*t together,

the client's expecting us.

I like this car.

Looks nice but it's a dog on corners.

Here - better safe than sorry.

It's a bit over the top for a meeting, innit?

Do you know who's in there?

Cos I f***ing don't.

You come with recommendations.

They're well earned.

Good.

Necessary.

Ah, f***!

It's all right.

No, it's not.

I hear Kiev was stormy.

I'm in the process of rewriting it.

Good.

It's important to learn

from one's mistakes, I always find.

F***, that was dramatic.

I'm bleeding on the carpet.

None of them ever say please or thank

you - that's what really fucks me off.

I mean, good manners cost nothing,

sure it doesn't.

How did he know about Kiev?

He was just letting you know

that he knows.

- What does that mean?

- Psychology, isn't it.

(G roans)

F***ing hell.

Is that your wanking hand?

- No.

- Hmm. Well, you know...

...every cloud...

- One of each?

- Take 'em yeah.

They say that's quite good.

I need to stop

and get a bandage or something.

Got to get through reception

without them noticing.

It's f***ing swollen.

I'll walk on that side.

You stay on the left

and I'll walk on the right.

OK.

I could do with clearing up the sink

a little bit.

- Leave that to me, I'll do it.

- OK.

(Distant conversation)

Did you take one of those

this morning, babe?

Yeah, that's all right,

it's like six a day or something.

Handsome.

You going to be all right?

(Monkey whooping)

See you soon.

Back in the house - you'll get wet feet.

(Whispers) Go.

Bye.

I love this bit.

We're not going

to the f***ing seaside, Gal.

Thank you.

Can you put your PIN in there, please?

Here on business?

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