Killing Bono Page #8

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Get off me!

- Where has this come from, Ivan?

- Gary told me.

And he heard it straight from Bono.

So, are you telling me it's a lie?

No. So, give me the truth.

We were kids.

It was ten years ago.

What do you want me to say?

- Sorry?

- Yes. Yes!

I want you to say sorry.

Sorry for all the record deals

you turned down,

while you were waiting

for the big one.

Sorry that everything you touch

turns to shite.

Sorry that you made

the worst decision of my life!

Well, I'm not sorry, Ivan.

Listen to me.

- Get out of my way.

- Calm down. Listen. Calm down!

I am not sorry!

I'm not sorry for knowing all along

that we could make it on our own.

I'm not sorry that every shitty decision

I ever made has brought us here.

And I am not f***ing sorry

that we are Shook Up and not U2.

- Listen.

- Shook Up, Shook up!

Hear that?

They're waiting for us out there, Ivan.

You're not breaking up, are you?

Are you?

Oh, great. Great!

Shook Up! Shook Up!

It's so your fault.

You f***ing get out there.

This is a gig.

Right, I'm going to announce you.

Watch.

One, two. Hello?

Hello, music lovers.

Oi! Oi! Don't boo me!

I went to Eton.

All right, here's Shook Up!

Get out here! Get out!

You f***ing ponce.

# Well, I've been

looking for you everywhere

# You're like a breeze

in the midnight air

# I thought I saw you

in a crowded place

# And now I see your eyes

on every face

# So help me

# Say it's true

that you were wrong

# Say it to me all day long

# It's kicking off again

# Wasting away

Face it again

# Piss it away

# You

# It's kicking off again

# The road

It never ever ends

# It's kicking off again

# Say what? #

Ha!

You run press.

Could you have stopped this?

Why would I? It's a gift.

Neil, you can't buy this kind of press.

Buy it?

Right now, I would pay

to make it go away.

Well, this isn't helping.

I am drinking on an empty bus...

because of this.

Because of you.

I didn't stop Ivan being in U2.

No, but you told

the entire world about it.

Neil. Chill out.

Just keep your eye on the prize.

My band's not talking to me.

My brother hates my guts.

If this is the prize...

...I don't want it.

Sh*t happens.

You move on.

Tonight, you'll be back there on-stage

with all the girls.

Danielle, I'm seeing someone.

A faithful rock star.

That's a new one.

Don't worry, I won't tell anybody.

Where is she, anyway?

More important things

to take care of, has she?

Well, I'm here now.

Screwing the boss's wife.

That'd be another fine career move.

It would.

You wanna go far, don't you?

I'm very good at what I do.

Yeah, I bet you are.

You've seen the way I look at you.

Yeah, and so has your husband.

I look after him. And I'll make sure

you're looked after too.

All you have to do...

...is look... after me.

Thank you.

Have you guys agreed on an encore?

- Yeah, "Kicking Off Again".

- Yeah, "The Great Beyond".

- What?

- I'm not singing that shite again.

You've done it again,

you bloody slag.

Will, please. It's the last time.

Don't make a scene, please.

I mean, Sting I could understand.

But Neil McCormick?

Problem?

Cock-driven little turd.

- Oh, Will. Will!

- Shook Up! Shook Up!

Is there a problem?

Is it about the deal?

It's about your boyfriend

f***ing my wife.

Well, I thought you'd made

every cock-up known to man.

But this... this tops everything.

But I... I just... I...

You actually had sex

with this man's wife?

You said we had to be nice to her.

Looking at you is... makes me

wanna do some really nasty things.

Wait. You're not gonna drop us?

You can't.

We've only just started.

OK. All good bands run on democracy.

So, let's have a show of hands.

Who would object if I told Neil

to f*** off out of the band?

What?

Looks like you're on your own.

Right. Whose turn is it to hit you?

You've had a go.

That just leaves me and...

Gloria. Ah!

Gloria!

One, two.

One, two, three, four.

Gloria, wait. I'm sorry.

Spare yourself, Neil.

And what's the point of being a rock

star if you don't get to sleep around?

- I didn't mean to hurt you.

- Yeah, well I meant to hurt you.

Yeah, well you did.

It was actually a really good punch.

You know what?

This isn't even about me.

It's about you constantly

screwing things up for yourself.

# Fade into grey

# And it don't matter anymore

# What you wanna buy

It ain't in store

# Sometimes you gotta write

your own songs

# When you wanna sing

# Disengage and leave the ground

# Setting my sights

On the great beyond

# Silence is the loudest sound

# I can't believe it

It's so beautiful

# I was lost but now I'm found

# Setting my sights

on the great beyond

# Disengage and leave the ground #

Yeah, yeah, so I'll see ya.

Christ sake, Neil.

Have you been drinking all night?

So, are you really getting on that bus?

Well, what do you expect?

Come with me.

Where to? Back to square one?

Another few years of living off fags

and chips and rejection letters?

- No.

- No, not to square one.

We're on the map now.

People out there are talking about us.

They're listening to us.

They're loving us.

Not you. Not me. Us.

The head of the record label hates

your guts and wants you to go to hell.

- Think that might be a problem?

- So what.

He's small time, anyway.

If... if he doesn't want us

then we'll go bigger.

We'll go better.

Look, Jesus...

You never did know

when to give up, did you?

If I did... do you think

we'd have come this far?

Come this far?

Yeah.

I could have been in U2.

I should have been in U2.

You have held me back long enough.

I thought all that was behind us?

It is behind me.

It's in front of me.

It's everywhere I look.

It's my whole life, Neil.

And now I want it back!

- Don't cut me out now.

- You cut yourself out!

Ivan!

F***'s sake.

I'm sorry.

Is pop music's biggest loser in?

- What?

- Come on, I know he's back in Dublin.

- Do you mind if I come in?

- I do, yeah.

McCormick?

McCormick!

Where is he?

Hi, Temple Hill.

Leave a message.

Oh, bugger.

Yeah, hi, Bono. It's Neil.

I heard you were back from the States,

just leaving you a message.

Listen, I've been having a think

about your offer and...

...and it struck me just as

a bit silly really,

to turn down the big gig. Moment of

madness really there, on my part.

I managed to juggle a few bits,

and I would be happy

to support you on the...

Bugger!

I hate nature.

Can you guys get a shake on?

It's like watching the world's

most depressing water feature.

Could someone please explain to me

why you were so

spectacularly awful last night?

Look. Are you saying we were shite?

More lively crowd

at my mother's funeral.

You think we sound like

we've lost something.

- Maybe it's 'cause we have.

- All right, we'll get another singer.

Wham! have just split up.

Maybe we could get that guy.

George Michael?

No, we'd never get him.

The other one.

We don't need a new singer.

We've lost our front man.

And whatever you say about Neil,

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