Kindergarten Cop 2 Page #2

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you right, you right.

Not again.

Mr. Zogu, Alex.

We've been working

on a pretrial motion

for almost a year now, while...

We've been working on a pretrial

motion for almost a year now,

while you've been out on bail

and the U.S. Attorney

is finally making us an offer.

To be quite honest,

it looks pretty fair.

Our advice to you

is to take the deal.

No.

No prison time.

But the testimony from Katja

is going to sink us.

If she testifies.

We didn't hear that.

Excuse me.

Talk to me.

Well, there's nothing unusual

in the brother's apartment.

Well, I'm

finishing up at the school.

There's nothing in the classroom

as far as I can tell.

Well, maybe Jason was lying.

Maybe he uploaded the files and

destroyed the physical copies.

We've got both brothers'

computers, going through them now.

So that's it?

We're just gonna give up,

hope for the best?

Hey, you got any

better ideas, Einstein?

Yeah.

I want to talk to Jason again.

You already did.

Well, give me

another shot at him.

Hmm?

Game on.

Damn.

Rule 101. No talking

while you tinkle.

I told you everything I know.

Kevin hid the drive somewhere.

He didn't tell me where.

That was kind of

the whole point.

Think.

Did he say anything else?

No.

What about

in the car that night?

Did he say anything

before he died?

He was babbling.

Not making sense.

Why should I help the FBI and all

its shadow organizations out?

Face it, you guys

are irrelevant at best

and unconstitutional at worst.

Look, a lot of people

are going to get hurt

if Zogu finds that list

before we do.

A lot of innocent people.

Did he say anything?

It doesn't matter

if it doesn't make sense.

He said,

"The kids know."

"The kids know."

We got to question those kids.

So you want to bring a bunch of

6-year-olds into an interrogation room?

If that's what it takes.

Reed, I promise you, you

probably aren't aware of this

since the only people

you interact with

are 19-year-old

mattresses.

What's a mattress?

Model/actress.

Ah. That's fair.

Five-year-olds, 6-year-olds, they are

totally useless for reliable information.

My son, Andy,

thinks Frozen is real.

Look, I'm open to suggestions,

but all our leads

have gone cold,

and if these kids know something

that can save those witnesses,

then let's put the mac

and cheese on the stove

and get this playdate started.

Hi, Patience.

Can you tell me something

about Mr. Flaherty?

Mr. Flaherty is dead.

He's decomposting in the ground.

Okay, Simon.

Do you remember anything

interesting about Mr. Flaherty?

My sister has a bagina.

Thank you, Simon.

Next!

My dad lets me play video games whenever

I want to when I'm at his house

and he's having a special

time with his girlfriend

but mommy says video games rot the brain

and daddy's girlfriend is a bad influence

because she dances

on poles for a living.

Guys, can we get a kid in here

whose stepmother

is not on a pole?

Meeja is the name

of our guinea pig.

Guinea pigs are rodents,

Cavia porcellus.

I have two mommies and they

tell me I shouldn't trust boys.

All right, fella.

Just tell me what you

know about Mr. Flaherty.

When is Mr. Flaherty

coming back?

Is your real name Cowboy?

Who names their kid Cowboy?

My daddy says that

you can have his gun

when you take it

from his cold dead hand.

Sophie, do you know anything

about a flash drive?

I saw the flash drive.

You did?

Did you see where Mr. Flaherty

put the flash drive?

In the emergency kit.

All right, Sophie,

show me the flash drive.

There it is.

There's the flash drive.

This is a flashlight.

That was a bust.

I got nothing.

No surprise there.

There's only one thing

left to do.

Undercover reconnaissance.

The headmaster

at Hunts Bay Academy

is not going to let the FBI

in her rarified classrooms.

It's not going to happen,

not in a million years.

That's why we have

to go undercover

without telling the headmaster.

But she already

knows Sanders is FBI.

Not him. Me.

Excuse me?

You want me to authorize you to go

undercover in an elementary school?

With actual children.

That are currently alive?

You got jokes.

You got any better ideas?

Well,

your credentials are impeccable.

Thanks.

I just really love kids. They're

like, um, little people.

Teacher of the Year from

Everett Academy, Big Brothers.

A letter of recommendation

from the mayor?

I taught his daughter Krav Maga.

Oh.

Well, Mr. Reed, I'll be honest,

you're a dream come true.

But tell me, why do you want to

leave your current position?

Well, I'm moving back to Seattle

to take care

of my sick grandmother.

Aww. Yeah, the caregivers

are there during the day,

but, you know,

nothing's better than family.

So true.

It takes a village.

Mmm.

Well, I'm sure you're aware

of the circumstances surrounding

Mr. Flaherty's departure?

Yeah, it was tragic.

Well, it will be a particularly

difficult transition for the children.

Now, we have our own

school psychologist obviously,

but still, we'll be needing someone

with a sensitive approach.

Well, you'll notice

there I have...

Sorry to interrupt, but I have a

situation that can't really wait.

Brooklyn is out

of her meds again,

and her dads are still in San Juan

Island at their spirit retreat,

I.e., no cell phones or clothing

according to Brooklyn, but...

Mr. Reed, Miss Halstrom, she's

our other kindergarten teacher.

Hi.

Did you call her Au pair?

Yes, I tried her

and she's at spin class.

Au pairs, right?

Perky butts, years to waste.

Well, all we can do

is a focused meditation,

and see if you can borrow

the therapy pig from 2Y.

Right, the pig. Okay.

I will give it a shot.

It was nice to meet you.

Same.

Um...

Therapy pig?

Yes. She works wonders

with the children.

Her name is Buttercup.

She's a lovely swine.

Mr. Reed,

when can you start?

I'm not wearing

a surveillance kit.

What is wrong with you, Reed?

All you gotta do is

just wear the earpiece.

It's just there so I can help

you if you get into trouble.

I can handle this.

You can't handle goldfish.

I have five kids.

My home is in a constant state of

pandemonium and tribal warfare.

Anarchy.

Listen to me.

You going to a classroom

with a dozen kids.

Dude, you're gonna get murdered.

Ooh, I'm scared.

They're children.

I can handle this.

You can't handle this, man.

You walk around

with patches on your jacket.

Who does that?

Look at that.

You're a mess, man.

You sure you don't

want the earpiece?

Can I go now?

You can't even

help white people.

You try to help,

you give from the heart.

That's okay.

Enjoy your day.

Good morning, students.

Just a couple of quick announcements

before we begin our joyous day.

First, 3-X reports that the

compost pile has been rededicated

and they will now be accepting

all bio-degradable foodstuffs.

That's a relief.

Second, this year,

we're renaming

our Holiday Festival

"The Festival"

in recognition of the agnostic

members of our community.

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