King Ralph Page #5

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some East End tart...

trying to get her picture

in the papers.

I wish we could meet again

somewhere else...

in different circumstances.

RALPH:
Different circumstances?

We got the park.

We got the lake.

We got the moon.

We got the stars.

What else do we need?

MIRANDA:
Yeah.

What? What is it,

this commoner thing?

Edward Vlll

and that Wallis broad?

That was 50 years ago.

This is the nineties.

We got to be able to work

something out.

Anything's possible.

Not in England.

Not for royalty.

Don't say that.

I can't see myself

making it here...

without you, Miranda.

GRAVES:
Now, this

is exceptional.

You realize, don't you,

that you're looking

at the fall...

of the House of Wyndham?

Before long, the House of Stuart

will be restored...

to its rightful place.

And you, Gordon,

will be private secretary

to the king.

Thank you.

GORDON:
Excuse me, my lord.

A Miss Miranda Greene

to see you.

Lord Graves.

What an unexpected surprise.

Here's your money.

All of it.

I'm just glad that

I got out now...

before any real damage was done.

GRAVES:
You can't bluff me.

I know what you're after.

You just want more money.

You're right. Then there'd

be more to give back.

Come back here,

you little strumpet!

Ah, I rather enjoyed that.

CEDRIC:

Welcome to Windsor castle.

The prime minister

will be here shortly.

He wishes to talk to you.

The peak goes to the front,

Your Majesty.

HALE:

Nowthat you've handled...

the Zambezi reception

so famously,

we feel you can help with

a matter of greater import.

I don't know whether

you're aware of it or not,

but Finland recently discovered

large oil deposits...

in their area of the Baltic.

One of our companies

is bidding for the contract...

to supply the platforms

and drilling equipment,

a contract that could create

thousands of jobs.

Unfortunately, we're getting

spirited competition...

from the Japanese.

RALPH:
They can cause problems.

What are we hunting?

CEDRIC:
I believe

it's pheasant, Your Majesty.

HALE:
At present,

the competition is a tossup.

However, we have another ace.

The king of Finland

is visiting here in two weeks.

-ls this gun loaded, Ced?

-Yes.

You will host

a royal banquet for him.

Banquet?

Yes. We won't get by

on pretzels and beer this time.

The king will bring

his daughter, Princess Anna,

one of the world's

most socially desirable women.

-Does that mean she's ugly?

-Oh, far from it.

We're organizing a ball

to followthe banquet...

so that you two

can get to know each other.

Excuse me, Your Majesty.

The beaters are approaching.

[Dogs barking, men whistling]

CEDRIC:

Here they come, Your Majesty.

They're over.

Did I get one?

CEDRIC:
Fortunately

it's only a flesh wound.

If everything

proceeds accordingly,

this ball will lead...

toward the royal wedding

of the century.

Wedding? You mean her and me?

HALE:
Yes, you and her.

You can't tell me

who to marry.

Isn't being the king

worth something?

That's why you must marry,

to protect your birthright.

What about

matters of the heart?

They must be subordinated

to the good of the monarchy.

You're the last Wyndham.

A queen must be found

to perpetuate the line.

Princess Anna is the best

of the acceptable candidates.

You must put aside

your personal desires.

A king's life is

not always his own!

-You're serious about this?

-Yes.

I got news for you.

My life is my own,

and I can't take this anymore.

I got everything

in the world here...

and nothing I need!

No friends,

no freedom, no fun!

In the States, I could

screw up my life as I sawfit.

Shove this job

down somebody else's throat,

'cause I quit!

I'm out of here!

You'd walk out

on the English people?

I told you I was the wrong guy.

It seems you're wrong

for everything, Ralph.

Who you calling Ralph?

It's Your Majesty.

Not anymore. You quit, just as

you quit the bear scouts.

-Cub Scouts.

-Little league,

three colleges,

and an assortment of jobs.

You're asking me to quit Miranda

and any chance at a normal life.

No. That shirt is not yours.

I wasn't born to this

royalty crap.

I can't accept these

stupid restrictions.

What of the workers who will

benefit from this contract?

RALPH:
Maybe something else

will come along.

You'd bet their future...

for a woman you've known

a few weeks?

You're asking me to marry

a woman I don't know at all.

Think of something

larger than yourself...

to accept a significant

responsibility for once...

without beating retreat

at the first difficulty.

England's throne is not a job...

to discard when it conflicts

with your bowling night.

This is hardly

the first difficulty.

You've been destroying

my fantasy for weeks.

It's up to you to embrace

this situation as a challenge,

or simply chalk it up

as another failure,

a monument

to your own passivity.

It's time you made a stand

somewhere for something.

If not now, then when?

There's no guarantee I'll even

be attracted to this princess.

Then we'll get her

a g-string and some pasties,

but you must not

shrink from your duty.

To refuse her now

would be disastrous for England.

Your family, your government,

and the people of England...

are counting on you.

You owe it to them...

and to yourself.

OK, I'll give it a shot.

Thank you, Your Majesty.

You won't regret it.

I remain your humble servant.

[Sighs]

[Ring ring]

RALPH:
Hello?

MIRANDA:
Hello, Ralph?

Miranda?

I have something to tell you.

RALPH:
Yeah.

I was just going to call you.

I don't think we should

see each other anymore.

RALPH:
What?

MIRANDA:
I really wish I could.

You just have to trust me.

It's not a good idea.

Yeah. They're putting pressure

on me over here, too.

-Could never have worked out.

-Sure. I understand.

I guess we should just be glad

for the time we had.

We did have a good time,

didn't we?

Please don't think badly of me.

No. It just wasn't

meant to be.

Yeah.

Good-bye, Miranda.

Bye, Ralph.

GRAVES:

I have an errand for you.

GORDON:
My Lord.

This is my invitation

to the Finnish ball.

Make sure that Miss Greene

gets one just like it.

-Of course.

-And write this on the back.

-But, uh--

-Just do it.

[Train whistle toots]

[Military band plays]

DRUM MAJOR:
Shoulder...arms.

Royal salute! Present arms!

Welcome, Your Majesty.

On behalf of the United Kingdom,

it's a pleasure to have you

as our guest.

Thank you, Your Majesty.

We're honored by the invitation.

-May I present Queen Katherine?

-Queen Katherine.

And Princess Anna.

Princess Anna.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

Allow me to introduce

Prime Minister Geoffrey Hale.

HALE:
Your Majesty.

HALE:
Your Majesty.

Your Royal Highness.

[Knock on door]

With His Majesty's compliments.

He also instructed me

to give you this.

GRAVES:
They'll be the toast

of the continent.

GRAVES:
Good evening,

Your Majesty.

Lord Percival Graves.

I knowthat you will

acquit yourself as famously...

with the Finnish royals

as you have with others.

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