King Ralph Page #6

---

One word of advice, if I may.

If things become too staid,

too formal for you,

don't hesitate to display

that American flamboyance...

for which you are

so justly celebrated.

With your lustrous charm,

I wouldn't be afraid

to showthem who you really are.

Thanks. I'll try

to keep that in mind.

Majesty.

MAN:
His Britannic Majesty

King Ralph I...

and their Royal Majesties...

King Gustav and

Queen Katherine of Finland...

and her Royal Highness

Princess Anna.

[Clang]

I am told you are a sportsman.

My passion is polo.

No game like it for a gentleman.

If I ever get to be one,

I'll take it up.

-Do you ever do any fencing?

-Just a little when I was a kid.

Couple watches here and there.

The princess is quite lovely,

isn't she?

Yeah, she doesn't say much,

but she's what they call a fox.

I'm glad you find her so.

Best wishes in your fox hunting.

Fox hunting?

You like fox hunting?

I don't get around much lately.

I used to go out every weekend,

one club or another.

Really? That often?

You must have collected

several tails.

I admit I slept with a few,

but I'm not like that anymore.

You can't be too careful.

Never know

who they've been with.

No. I suppose not.

Once I had a steady girl,

that ended it.

-She didn't like fox hunting?

-Well, of course not.

-Anna isn't into it, is she?

-Oh, yes. She loves it.

Most royals do.

Gustav, let the king eat.

His guests are waiting.

Right.

Sorry. They don't feed

the chickens enough over here.

RALPH:
Ooh!

[Guests gasping]

Excuse me.

Bad luck. It could

have happened to almost anyone.

I'd be better off if

they'd let me do things my way.

All is not lost.

If things go well between you

and the princess,

everything will be forgotten.

RALPH:
Shall we dance?

-You dance great.

-Oh, thank you. So do you.

I'm sort of curious about

what kind of things you like.

Oh, I don't know. Certainly

the fine arts, the opera,

the ballet, the symphony,

and I love to travel.

Oh, yeah? Me, too.

You ever been to Hoover Dam?

No. I missed that one.

We prefer Deauville.

-Deauville?

-France.

Daddy played

in the Gold Cup there.

Then, of course,

we went to Ascot.

-Oh, what country is that in?

-England.

What do you say

that we take a little breather?

-lt seems to be going well.

-Yes.

We set a torrid pace in there.

Hope the rest of our life

isn't this wild.

Nowthat we've gotten

to know each other,

our representatives can work out

a schedule for our courtship.

I have travel commitments

that have to be worked around.

I've been meaning

to talk to you about this.

Don't you think we should have

feelings for each other first?

It would be a charming bonus,

but it's hardly necessary.

We are royals.

We marry for the...position.

If I wanted to marry for love,

I would have married

Gunnar Jann back in Penike.

-Do you really want to marry me?

-Well, I must admit,

you'll require a bit more work

than I'd hoped.

You're unsophisticated,

ignorant,

and lacking in social grace.

I am consoled with the fact

that you have nice buttocks.

Beg your pardon?

As you were dancing,

I drowned the memory of

your behavior at dinner...

with a vision of you bending me

over the Queen Anne desk...

in the white drawing room.

Wouldn't that be uncomfortable

with all those pens sticking up?

Yes. Or best of all,

you could strap me to the throne

with strings of pearls.

I don't know.

The servants might see us.

I would hope so.

KING GUSTAV:
Ah!

There you two are.

Come, Anna. You haven't

danced with your father.

Coming, father.

How's it going, Your Majesty?

Great.

We have nothing in common.

She'd like to have sex

on a bed of nails.

At least the party stinks.

I've got to liven things up.

Time for some of that

American flamboyance.

MAN:
Your Majesty.

I've got a number

I'd like to do.

-You guys got a piano?

-No, but we have a harpsichord.

Good enough.

Let's go over the changes.

-You guys ready?

-We'll try, Your Majesty.

Great. Ladies and gentlemen,

I'd like to welcome y'all

to the ball again.

Is everybody having a good time?

As you may have read,

I love music.

Since this is the

biggest audience I've ever had,

I'd like to play

something for you,

maybe pick up

the tempo a little.

This is a sweet

Little Richard Penniman tune.

[Feedback]

[Plays harpsichord]

Ah. Little rusty.

RALPH:
Help me out here.

Thanks.

Coat was cramping my style.

[Singing]

Good golly Miss Molly

You sure like to ball

Yeah, good golly Miss Molly

You sure like to ball

When you're rockin' an' rollin'

You can't hear mama call

Well, from the early,

early mornin'

To the early, early night

You can hear Miss Molly comin'

And she's runnin' for her life

Good golly Miss Molly

Yeah, you sure like to ball

When you're rockin' an' rollin'

You can't hear mama call

Well, good golly Miss Molly

You sure like to ball

Yeah, good golly Miss Molly

Honey, you sure like

to throw a ball

When you're rockin'

an' you're rollin'

You can't hear your mama call

Your majesty, one of the guests

asked me to give you this.

[Singing]

Yeah

Good golly Miss Molly

Good golly Miss Molly

Good golly Miss Molly

Wow, good golly Miss Molly

Yeah, yeah

Good golly Miss Molly

Woooooow

Good night

You've been

a wonderful audience.

Thanks a lot, guys.

-What are you doing here?

-What do you mean?

Who is this girl?

MIRANDA:
Miranda. Who are you?

I'm Princess Anna,

the king's future bride.

Future bride?

I see. Excuse me,

I think I should be going.

Wait, Miranda.

I can explain this.

GUSTAV:
Anna, we are going.

ANNA:
Who was that girl?

GUSTAV:
He is not worth it.

[Crowd murmuring]

King Gustav,

I'm sure His Majesty regrets--

In the wake of last night's

disastrous royal ball,

the Finnish government

has awarded...

its highly prized

offshore equipment contract...

to a Japanese firm.

King Ralph not only

shocked his guests...

with his rock 'n' roll

gyrations,

but further insulted King Gustav

and Princess Anna of Finland...

by parading with

his so-called mystery woman,

a former stripper

named Miranda Greene.

Political leaders have

banded together to condemn...

GRAVES:
Never in recent times

has a monarch so shamed...

and embarrassed his country.

[Murmurs of approval]

Must we stand idly by

and suffer the degradation...

of our most sacred traditions...

by this witless ivory tinkler

from across the sea?

I say no!

[Exclamations of approval]

I say it is time

to reclaim our heritage.

[Murmurs of agreement]

I say it is time to reclaim

our national pride.

CROWD:
Hear, hear!

I say it is time

to reclaim our throne!

[Cheering and applause]

Sorry, Grandpa.

I could've made a mark

for our side of the family,

and I screwed it up.

Maybe I should have

myself beheaded.

Tommie, this is Ralph.

I need a favor.

-Mrs. Greene?

-Yes?

Hi. Is Miranda here?

As I live and breathe!

You're him, aren't you?

Just barely.

RALPH:
I shouldn't have come,

but I wanted to.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes