Kingdom of Us Page #4

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Yeah.

Even though

it's possibly gonna be upsetting?

- Yeah?

- Yes.

Is it gonna be really blurry?

I don't know

'cause they're old and...

They're very old cassettes,

so I don't know.

That one there. That's Dad.

- Yeah, that's Dad, yeah.

- That's him with the children?

Oh, that's me, fat.

Okay, Jamie,

Daddy would like to talk to you

for a minute.

Now, it's a year since I interviewed you.

Because it's my birthday tomorrow.

- That's it.

- And I'll be five.

Yeah, it's a whole year since

we had this little chat, didn't we?

- On video.

- Yeah.

- Would you say you're a happy girl?

- Yes, I am happy.

- Do you like your life?

- Yes.

Well, I've written this one

just for you, for your birthday.

Yeah.

Would you like me to sing it to you now?

Would you?

Yes.

Okay.

Jamie-Jo, I love you so

You're magic, little girl

You've brightened up this world

With your tenderness

Your thoughtfulness

Your special ways and the happy days

You give me, little girl

A star can shine

A rose can bloom

And the waves

Keep rolling to the shore

Oh.

I don't know. It's...

I don't know his real...

Like, I imagined it, like, deeper.

I didn't know he had an accent.

- It's really weird.

- Yeah.

I didn't know he had an accent.

It's hard to remember voices.

It's so hard to remember voices.

He laughed a lot.

Oh.

I'm going to go

and take the camera off Mummy

and then we're going to say goodbye

to the camera until next year.

Okay. Chop-chop.

No, it's a wee thing.

What are you thinking, Osborn?

The shed is full of sh*t.

Too much stuff in here

for one family to deal with.

Things that shouldn't have

the sentimental value do, and it's...

It makes throwing things away

a big hoo-ha.

The past Shanks family made a very big

problem for the future Shanks family.

It's like we didn't care about us.

That's a metaphor

for our mentality tonight.

Just pushing all of our crap aside

for a few days.

Mum, we need a pile in that corner

of electrical appliances.

Do you really want to keep it?

- Mum, Mum.

- Yeah, Mirie and I were talking...

Do you not remember we got the black one.

That one wasn't working.

- Have we?

- Yeah, we got the black one.

- What's this?

- Textiles.

Look at Lorie.

- Oh, what is that?

- Are you gonna put those inside?

I found Dad!

That's where he's been

for the past years.

- You silly man.

- He's covered in poop.

Wait, who did we bury then?

Ah! Holy crap!

- What?

- This is the box I'm thinking of.

But these are all cassettes.

But there aren't any videos in there.

Yeah, but they're Dad's songs,

aren't they?

I hope there's "A Perfect World" on here.

- Oh, there will be.

- Really?

Yeah, I'm sure there will be.

Okay, I'm gonna spend hours

looking through these.

Oh, no,

that's from his cabaret days.

- No, I don't. Not sure.

- That's so cool.

My dad loved music.

He did Butlins and the West End,

and he did all sorts.

- You remember Elvis? Elvis Presley.

- Yeah!

He used to play to me all time.

So, I think that's a big influence

as to why I want to carry on music.

My dad could have made it and didn't.

And I don't want to make

that same mistake.

Ready? And then go again.

I thought I had it. I don't.

Is it a little bit funny?

Close.

Look, my hands aren't big enough to do it.

And mine are just about...

Mine are a bit longer.

I'll have to change it.

How long will I love you?

As long as the stars are above you

My dream would be to be on stage.

To not be able see anything

but lights in my face.

And then I'd hear a massive roar

and clapping

and cheering and flashing lights

of the cameras and then...

And then I'd think it'd be over

just like that,

'cause you're just enjoying it so much.

But you don't want to dream too high

because then it might not come true.

When we were younger,

our dad would always say

we'd be going to somewhere,

or that we'd do this next year

or this would be happening

and then nothing would ever happen.

I think we've all just...

tried not to keep our hopes up

so we don't get disappointed ever again.

Oh.

Sunday, 22nd of September.

Friday the 27th. 2nd of October, 11:15...

Christmas Day, 2002, and that's how

Santa left the presents last night...

I thought everyone's dad wrote

in such detail in diaries.

I didn't think it was anything unusual.

It's recently that I've actually started

analyzing them in detail.

He says, "Go back to the real Paul,"

which is really weird.

Sort of felt like he was changing.

He put a lot of effort into these things

and then all of a sudden

he just stops trying.

He just gives up on it.

So, you can see that

he sort of gave up on life,

'cause he gave up on writing about it.

I just found Daddy's 2005 diary...

which I thought you might be

interested in looking at.

Yeah.

But also the suicide note.

I went into the cabin this morning

and had a really good look and I found it.

- Can I see it?

- You want to read it?

Yeah.

- Want me to stay while you read it?

- I don't mind.

It's not gonna be, like,

difficult or anything.

"There are two sets of truths."

Is that what that says?

- Yeah.

- "Involved"?

- Involved.

- "...involved in my opinion.

The truth and Vikie's truth."

He used the wrong "there."

Hmm.

Did he usually do that?

Or was that sort of the crazy setting in?

I don't know.

- Could you see it?

- Yeah.

In the last couple of weeks

I could see it, yeah.

What sort of changed about him?

- The paranoia became...

- Did he become more scatty?

He became less certain

of what he was saying

and he made mistakes in his diaries, too.

I don't see how he changed so quickly.

- Are you okay?

- Yeah.

Sure? "To my children, I love you all.

Good luck with life and love from..."

"Good luck with Mum on a long-term basis."

"On a long-term basis."

What does PTO mean?

There's something on the other side,

but it was nothing in the police...

- I think this is the police photocopy.

- I want to know what it says.

I don't want to live my life

not knowing what the PTO was.

"I have not wanted the children

to go to private school since 2001.

Had they gone to state school

at that point,

we would not be

in any financial difficulty."

Was it you or Dad that insisted on us

going to private school?

It used to rock

between the two of us.

- Five re-mortgages?

- Yeah.

- Five.

- Yeah.

Why?

Well, he spent 10,000 on the barn,

10,000 on the hard court down there.

"Vikie has been well aware

of the borrowing that has taken place."

Not all of it.

I think it's quite sad that he had

good intentions with all of this,

but it seemed to backfire, considerably.

Wow. That was interesting.

- I feel disillusioned.

- Why?

I dont know.

- Why disillusioned?

- I don't know.

Did you imagine it to have more

about us in, Kay?

- With what?

- I don't know.

- There were two sides to it?

- Yeah, of course there were.

- I'm not perfect, Kacie. I'm not a saint.

- I didn't say that you did.

Yeah, there are two sides to every story.

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