Kingdom of Us Page #5

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- I know.

- Yeah.

Can you get the original note back?

I'm gonna try, if they've still got it.

We are going to write

"Mum's worries."

Okay?

Mum's worries is going in the box.

There we go.

Kacie, go over with Jamie

and wave at the worries together.

Bye-bye. Hey.

Paul's behavior was becoming

ever more erratic

and I was insisting that we have

a six-month break from each other.

And then see if we had a future together.

- Bye.

- Bye.

But Paul decided to file for divorce.

The house was sold when Paul died.

I think we were about four weeks away

from completion when Paul killed himself.

I remember months after he died,

I'd still run downstairs shouting, "Dad,"

like, trying to call for him

and then I'd realize he wasn't there.

- Do you remember us doing that?

- Yeah.

What if he had followed through

with the plan that he had?

Well, then we wouldn't be here,

would we, Oz?

Was it planned for him to do that

and then kill himself?

Yeah.

No, I don't think we really knew

to what extent, like,

Dad was actually in a very dark place.

Two days after my dad had died,

three of us found the notepad,

you know, with him talking about

how he was going to...

get revenge on my mum, effectively,

and kill all of us...

then kill her and then kill himself.

It was very detailed.

His plan was to lock everybody

in their bedrooms...

and then bring them down one by one.

Back to my mum.

- All right, darling?

- Yeah.

Two or three years before he died,

he suddenly put bolts

on the outside of all the doors.

He said it was to keep the cats out.

But just shutting the doors

would have kept the cats out.

Things that were odd

became normal in our lives.

It was about 18 months after Paul's death

that I said to Jamie one day...

"I feel as though I've made this up.

Did we find a pad?"

After a while you question things.

You're not sure they're actually real.

I thought it didn't exist.

I thought it had just been me

in a state of shock.

And then Kacie

shot out of her bedroom,

'cause she'd heard the conversation,

and said,

"Oh, my God,

I thought I'd made it up as well."

I broke down in tears,

I had panic attacks.

I had very increased anxiety

after that happened.

She'd just confirmed that actually

what I had believed to be a dream was,

in fact, not a dream.

Because I had seen it as well.

Where'd you find this?

They're all the tapes,

the home videos.

Did you put it in the wrong way?

Is it meant to be that way?

Play.

Turn it up.

To lovely, little lovely Lorie-Lanie

Love gave life to you

Your mummy and your daddy

Really wanted you

You're so contented when we see you

Tears well in our eyes

But we don't care

They're tears of joy

And joy needs no disguise

'Cause a life of love gave you to us

Love gave us you, our prize

You're a miracle

Little Mirie-Marie

You were so meant to be

Breathe your life into people

But keep your heart safe and sound

'Cause whilst there are

Many good people

Some will wanna bring you down

Give away your love

But keep your faith

Little Mirie-Marie

Is that the first time you've heard it?

Me, too.

It's like he knew what

our personalities were going to be like.

Isn't it weird?

Yeah.

I cant believe that Dad and you planted

this tree when I was born.

It only stood about 12 feet tall,

didn't it?

No, less than that. Six?

- When did you plant it?

- Twenty-four years ago.

No, you were about three.

About three?

It's a red oak.

Oak is known for its strength, isn't it?

- Time goes too fast.

- He planted it because it was strong.

- He planted it 'cause it was strong.

- Yeah.

It'll live for hundreds of years.

I didn't know that.

My dad did love all of us.

I think I lost touch with that

for a little while after he passed away.

I can still remember, the Thursday morning

before my dad died...

him having come into my room

and he closed the door.

I remember how his hair was falling

around his face...

and he just pleaded with me.

He told me that he had nobody left

and that I was his last hope.

My response to him was, I looked down...

"Dad, I've gotta get ready for school."

And in that moment, it was like he died.

The man who took himself into the woods

that day wasn't my dad.

He was a man that none of us knew.

I really wish that I'd just been

a little bit older to understand.

- Hi, Jamie. Hi, Mirie.

- Hi, Daddy.

Jamie!

- Has everyone sat down yet?

- No, Nik. Chill out, okay?

Is everyone ready for me?

Okay, no one should be eating!

That's a rule and everyone knows.

Three, two, one!

Happy birthday to you

Stop it, guys!

Happy birthday, dear Nikita

Oh, yeah.

Happy birthday to you

I think we've got worse

at singing happy birthday...

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday, dear Nikita

You can have silver, but I'm wearing gold

'cause I'm the birthday girl. Blue?

Lorie, if I have to wear one...

- No, Mummy, put it back on, now!

- No, I don't think it would go.

Okay, Jamie, wear a hat, please.

Jamie, please wear the hat.

- I will put it back...

- Just wear the hat. Be cool.

What?

Stop hinting! I hate it!

Nikita. Nikita,

we do not want that all day.

Jamie. Jamie, go f*** yourself!

Stop talking about my birthday

in front of me.

Okay.

- Ow.

- Whoa!

- Guys.

- Please stop.

- What would you like?

- Everyone to f*** off!

Ozzy?

What the f*** is this?

Oh, no, is this gonna be well received?

- No. I don't think so.

- I hope so.

- I just saw this image of it.

- Be careful with it. It's very fragile.

Beautiful.

For me,

it has to always be the same.

You do it so neatly, too.

It's a tradition.

We have to stick to the same thing.

I don't like that we're all changing

and getting older.

It makes me feel sad.

Wait, guys. Just stop.

It just feels like yesterday

that we were all still in school.

We were all at the same level.

And I don't like

that it's different

'cause it means we're getting old

and gonna die soon. And I don't wanna die.

Lorie!

Kacie, this is gonna be

the day before my seventh birthday.

Are you very happy?

Yeah.

Are you very happy

it's nearly my birthday?

Yeah!

That's really weird,

I remember that happening.

This is where I tip over the edge.

Jamie's about to open her MP3 player

and I'm opening my CD player.

- Oh, that's great!

- I remember when you did that.

- I remember that moment.

- I was so mad.

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday, dear Daddy

Do you think maybe he did it

because we were all tone deaf

and he realized

we wouldn't be able to follow his path?

Mum, why didn't we ever realize

that he was sad?

- I did.

- Yeah, but we didn't.

Because we were kids, Nik.

We didn't have any perception

of what other people...

Yeah, but, like, when we were younger,

we couldn't see that.

Daddy, look.

- Was he upset on his last birthday? Mum?

- I know, I just feel sorry for him.

'Cause every video we've watched,

he's been sad

- and we're just running around laughing.

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