Kiss Me Kate Page #4

that upon Sunday is the wedding day.

May God give you joy. 'Tis a match!

Amen, say we!

Father and wife and

gentlemen, adieu.

I will into Venice...

I'm warning you, Lilli.

To buy apparel against the wedding day.

Sunday comes apace...

...and we will have rings

and things in fine array.

And kiss me, Kate.

All right, Miss Vanessi. You asked

for it and you're going to get it.

Fred, what are you doing?

Stop it! Stop it!

Suzanne! Suzanne, get me an ice pack,

quick. That's the last time...

...you'll ever lay hands on me,

Frederick Graham.

You asked for it.

May I remind you, Miss Vanessi...

...the name of this piece is The Taming

of the Shrew, not He Who Gets Slapped.

Sending my wedding bouquet

to that little tramp!

That's no excuse for ad-libbing. None.

"Let my lovely Lois shine through

Bianca tonight...

...and there'll be a new star

in the heavens."

- Thou jerk!

- All right. All right.

I sent the child some flowers.

I sent a card with the flowers.

May I remind you that I'm

free, male and 31?

- 31?

- All right. I'm 32.

What's my age got to do with it?

They were full, rich years

and I'm proud of them.

Show me an actor who's done what

I've done. My Peer Gynt in London.

- They threw crumpets at you.

- My Hamlet in Dublin.

You got paid in potatoes. Mashed.

Money, money.

That's all you ever think of.

The trouble with you, Miss Vanessi,

is you have no soul.

What's the idea of

jabbing the ribs out there?

- It's in the script.

- The devil it is.

I couldn't teach you manners

as a wife, but by heavens...

...I'll teach you manners as an actress.

- Not in this production, you won't.

What did you say?

You heard me.

And here's a little something

that isn't in the script.

What are you trying to do, kill me?

Ralph? Ralph?

Ralph!

There's a law against attempted murder.

Good heavens, I'm bleeding!

- Yes, Mr. Graham?

- Quick, get me some alcohol.

How do you want it?

Oh, my rib.

I think she's broken a rib.

- How can you tell if you have a broken rib?

- X-raying.

Well, don't just stand there,

look in the prop room.

Am I bleeding heavily?

I don't see any blood.

Here. What do you call that?

- Suntan number two.

- What?

Oh. Well, skin's bruised, though, isn't it?

I don't see anything.

Discolored?

- Nope. Not a thing.

- What?

That's all I need.

A blind stage manager.

All right, kids, let's get with it.

We got a quick change. Come on.

Bill, you've simply got to tell Mr. Graham.

Signing somebody else's name is perjury.

Honey, you don't understand.

Hogan's boys play rough.

I could wind up with a broken leg.

At least I'd know

where you were at nights.

Bill Calhoun, you go in there

and tell Fred right now...

...or you can find yourself

another piggy bank.

Suzanne! Suzanne!

Where's that ice bag?

Hello, Tex?

Tex, Lilli.

Tex, I'll marry you tonight.

Send a car for me.

No, better still, send an ambulance.

You don't know what that beast

has done to me. I can't sit down.

I said, I can't sit down!

That is not where it hurts.

I'm through with the theater.

I want to go where no one

will ever find me.

I'll go to Texas.

Well, I'm quitting right now.

Mademoiselle Lilli,

your ex-husband just dropped in.

Suzanne, pack my things.

You don't think that you can walk out of

a show in the middle of a performance?

- Oh, no?

- I'll have you up on charges at Equity.

I'll be glad, glad to appear before Equity.

And I'll bring photographs of what

you've done to me. In Technicolor!

- And I'll bring my x-rays!

- Tex says you ought to be lynched.

Suzanne, unzip me.

Lilli, you don't really mean

that you would?

- Oh, you would?

- You bet I would!

You'll never play the theater again.

Oh, no? Well, I hate the theater...

...and I hate actors,

and most of all, I hate you!

Get out! Get out!

- I thought this was your dressing room.

- Ralph! Ralph!

There's something I want to tell you.

Well, what is it? Ralph!

This afternoon, when I went

to the chiropodist, I didn't.

- He's not only blind, he's deaf.

- It seems I was in a little game...

...down at the hotel. I lost some money.

- Yes?

- Get the understudy ready.

- For you?

No, no! Lilli. She refuses to go on.

Trouble was, I was short,

so I signed an IOU.

- Okay. I'll break the news to Jeanie.

- It seems I signed your name.

Yeah, good. Fine.

- Tell her to take a bromo.

- Fine?

You mean you don't care?

- Why, gee, Mr. Graham, thanks!

- All right.

If I'd known you were such a great guy,

I wouldn't have...

Oh, no, you don't.

If she's leaving, she's leaving

on an empty stomach.

- Thanks, Mr. Graham.

- All right.

Why, you no-good, little...

Oh, no.

Hey! For us? Wow.

You shouldn't have done it.

You shouldn't have done it.

- Hey, what a performance.

- What unction, buddy.

- You think the audience is digging it?

- They're a bunch of lowbrows.

- Now, look here...

- We're just here to see...

...if you jostled your memory yet.

- Coleslaw.

- Hey.

Oh, yeah. Mr. Graham, listen.

We gotta know when you're

gonna pay your debt of honor...

...to one of America's most respected

floating crap games.

Look, I told you. I never signed anything.

What's more, I can prove it. It was...

Well, as a matter of fact...

...I did sign that IOU.

- He remembers!

- It all comes back to him.

The trouble is, I haven't got the money.

I would have at the end of the week...

...if the show could only run.

- It'll run.

It's entertaining, vivacious...

...and calculated to please the

most discriminating theatergoer.

- You can quote me. Chicken?

- Yeah. Thanks.

Sorry. Seniority, you know.

You don't understand.

Miss Vanessi, my costar, is quitting.

- Quitting?

- As of right now.

Temperament. Didn't like the way

I played a little scene.

She's dressing to leave the theater.

Well, I guess all I can do is return whatever

money there is in the box office, that's all.

Maybe we should talk to her.

Fred, sweetie, I simply had to come...

Oh, excuse me.

- Don't mind us. Go right ahead.

- Couple old friends of the family.

On Lilli's side.

I just wanted to say thank you

for being so wonderful about Bill.

Oh. Well, look, honey, forget about it.

It was nothing.

Nothing? Why, it was absolutely

noble of you.

After all, he did sign your...

And to be so understanding after doing

such a horrible thing like signing...

I always knew you were a fine person,

but it took really a great man...

...to forgive another man

for signing his...

Fred, I...

- Well!

- Stop, Lilli!

Bill! Oh, Bill, wait, honey! Wait!

You don't understand.

I was just saying thank you.

How do you suppose she

says "You're welcome"?

Hey, is that the little lady who's gonna

take a powder? We gotta dissuade her.

- Oh, Lilli.

- You're wasting your breath. I'm leaving.

Some very ardent admirers of yours.

Come in, gentlemen.

- How do you do?

- What a trouper.

What a personality. Allow me.

Is it true you're contemplating quitting

this high-type entertainment?

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