Kissing Jessica Stein Page #2

Synopsis: Jessica Stein is a single, straight, successful, journalist, part of a bonded Jewish family living in New York City, who finds herself not as straight as she thought when Jessica meets and begins an intense friendship with career woman Helen Cooper which ultimately leads to romance.
Genre: Comedy, Drama, Romance
Production: Fox Searchlight Pictures
  8 wins & 3 nominations.
 
IMDB:
6.6
Metacritic:
72
Rotten Tomatoes:
84%
R
Year:
2001
97 min
$6,960,929
Website
1,596 Views


- Mm-hmm.

with a bookmark dangling

precariously off of my dick.

So I'll be waiting foryou.

Oh. Should I bring

anything?.

Justyour

unbelievable body...

andaphoto I.D..

anda library card.

- Pickup.

- Oh, yeah. It's right this way, please.

# You're so readynow#

# The frruit is ripe

fror takin'##

## [ Continues ]

Oh, where have you been?.

I've been waiting foryou all day.

They got me mad busy today.

- Martin, where's Helen?.

- Delivery.

[ Moans ]

Wait. I'm still working.

[Man OverSpeaker]

Sorry, sweetie. Line one.

Jesus Christ.

Okay. Got it.

[ Moans ]

Helen Cooper.

Why are you always doing these things

to destroy this relationship?.

We're not in a relationship.

We're in a situation.

- You have to stop right now.

- Yes, and I'm sureyourwife

feels the same way.

Listen, I gotta baby-sit

this show.

What areyou doing later?.

How's 1 1 :
00 foryou?.

- How's right now foryou?.

- [ Moans ]

Thanks very much.

[Woman ]

How does this art makeyou freel?

Does it turn you on?.

Does it make you hot?.

D.oes it scareyou?

D.oes it minimizeyou as a man?

- You're really gonna do this?.

- I've decided.

You've decided, orwas it that article

in New York Magazine last month?.

- I've decided.

- Mm-hmm.

I just think it's time,

you know?.

- It's the one thing

I haven't experienced.

- Ofrcourse it's time, sweetie.

You go on with your frisky self,

and don't let Mr. Fuddy-Duddy

piss on your parade.

- Thankyou.

- Mar?.

- Mm-hmm?.

- What is the problem?.

She is trying new things.

Sure. Today,

sexual preference.

- Tomorrow, Henna tattoos.

- Okay.

So, let's see.

OscarWilde is too flip.

Emily Dickinson is too trite.

It has to be just so.

Maybe George Eliot.

- Why do I have to have a quote again?.

- Well, let's see.

If it's brainy enough, it'll weed out

the real unwashed masses.

Andifrit's well chosen,

you come across as someone...

who understands the plight

ofyour prospective partner--

the plight of humanity.

And by couching that understanding

in the words ofra great writer,

you appear sophisticated,

but earnest.

- Grounded, but hopeful.

- Oh, my God!

Sweetie, you're gonna have more p*ssy

than you know what to do with.

- Here, take a look.

- Rilke?.

Rilke's very profound.

Here.

So the first thing you wanna do is say,

"For friendship or more."

Wait. Why?.

Because then you have access to

all the bi-curious straight girls.

Straight girls?

But Bas--

Trust me.

Virgin flesh?. Mangia.

Bring that.

Let's go.

"Professional E-E, U-W-S,

V-G-L, N-S, D-W-M,

seeking same."

- What could that mean?.

- I'm not reallyversed

in single scene acronyms, so--

- Oh. Listen to this one.

This guy used a quote.

- That is so cheesy.

"It is not inertia alone

that is responsible...

"for human relationships

repeating themselves.

It is shyness before--"

Blah, blah, blah, blah.

- This one stinks.

- Actually, I think it's Freud.

Rilke. Uh,

one ofthose, I think.

Oh. Sorry. Guess I should read on.

"But only someone--"

Does he, um,

describe himself?.

Esoteric quote man?.

Let's see.

Oh. That's

women seeking women.

You know what, guys?.

Um, I really have a lot ofwork to do.

- Would you mind terribly--

- No. No, no, no.

Thanks. Sorry.

- Jess? Charles can make it

tonight after all.

- Yeah.

- So you're gonna get to meet him.

- Oh, good.

That would be great.

Thanks.

- Hey,Joan, is it okay

if I bring a date tonight?.

- Oh.

- Sure. The more, the merrier.

- Great. I'll seeyou tonight.

You invited Josh?.

Ew!

[Telephone Ringing]

[Telephone Ringing]

[Helen Over Machine ]

Hey, it's Hel. Leave it at the beep.

[ Woman, Husky Voice ] Hi. My name's

Nan, and I'm calling aboutyour ad.

I'm looking fror someone

with a big heart, an open mind,

and an adventurous spirit.

Also, in the long term, I'm looking

fror someone to mother a child with me.

- Wouldyou be into that?

- [ D.oorbell Rings ]

- Be quiet. You get it.

- Come on. I t'l I be adorable.

I t's not adorable. You are totally

loving this, aren't you?.

Please. I'm 1 60 pounds

and I wake up vomiting.

I have to live

through someone.

- Go. He's looking.

- This is embarrassing.

- Okay. Be quiet.

- He's staring. It's gonna be weird.

- Hi. I'm Charles.

- Hi.

-Jessica. [ Chuckles ]

- [Telephone Ringing]

Hey, it's Hel.

Leave it at the beep.

[ Woman ]

Hi, Helen. I'm calling aboutyour ad.

I would really like to meetyou

as soon as possible,

becauseyou sound

really special.

And to tell you the truth,

I'm hangin' on by a thread here,

and I couldreallyuse

someone special.

So, um,

just call me, okay?

# Sky's blue #

# You know what I'm freeling

You know #

# The verysweet sound

ofryour laughter ##

## [ Continues ]

[Jessica ] Oh, my God. Whatever.

I'm so happy...

to be eati ng a meal with i ntel I igent

people-- you have no idea.

That's us?.

I know, right?. So thankyou all

for not being freaks or morons...

or using words incorrectly.

Bless you all.

Tell me about it.

Most people I meet at the salon...

are totally "malcompetent."

So, Charles,

what aboutyou?

Have you had a horrible time

out there too?.

- Oh, uh, I don't know. I do okay.

- Yeah?.

Actually, I just met

somebody pretty special.

Um, her name's Michelle.

And it's early, but--

- I don't know. It freels right.

- Charles.

I thought you were single.

Didn't you tell me that, honey?.

[Sighs ]

Uh, I thought so.

[ Charles ] I'm sorry.

Is this supposed to be a setup?

[Jessica ]

No, no. No way. Not a setup.

J ust-J ust a friendly dinner.

- Absolutely. J ust a group of friends.

- [Joan ] Yes.

Matthew and I just like

to have our friends know each other.

Well,you know,Jessica,

don't worry about it. I mean, it's--

We've all been through it.

It's just a jungle out there.

[Josh ]

Yeah, especially fror Stein. I mean,

she always has trouble meeting people

who are good enough for her.

Yeah. God, I wish

I hadyour luck,Josh.

I see you have no trouble

meeting people ofyour caliber.

You know, Stein, why don't you

cut yourself a break?.

It's obviously not the time

to be meeting someone anyway.

- Really?. What?. Not the season?.

- No.

It's just because you're

clearly not open to it.

Excuse me?. I'm sorry.

How would you know?.

Well, I do have

a little history to draw from.

But even ifl didn't,

you've known Charles here...

for about an hour,

and in that time...

you've insulted and dismissed

a panoply of men...

based on factors as reductive

as a linguistic misstep,

a different view from yours

on going Dutch, a kind reaction

toyour legendary lateness,

and a genuine interest

in yoga.

You know, I think

it was Anais Nin who said,

"We don't see things

as they are.

We see things

as we are."

[ Chuckles ]

Generally, I'm not much ofa Nin fan,

but I do feel that bit

sums you up to a "T",Stein.

So I don't think the problem's

with these poor men--

these freaks and morons,

as you put it.

I think the problem

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote

Heather Juergensen

Heather Julia Juergensen (born January 2, 1970) is an American actress and writer. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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