Kissing Jessica Stein Page #2
- Mm-hmm.
with a bookmark dangling
precariously off of my dick.
So I'll be waiting foryou.
Oh. Should I bring
anything?.
Justyour
unbelievable body...
andaphoto I.D..
anda library card.
- Pickup.
- Oh, yeah. It's right this way, please.
# You're so readynow#
# The frruit is ripe
fror takin'##
## [ Continues ]
Oh, where have you been?.
I've been waiting foryou all day.
They got me mad busy today.
- Martin, where's Helen?.
- Delivery.
[ Moans ]
Wait. I'm still working.
[Man OverSpeaker]
Sorry, sweetie. Line one.
Jesus Christ.
Okay. Got it.
[ Moans ]
Helen Cooper.
Why are you always doing these things
to destroy this relationship?.
We're not in a relationship.
We're in a situation.
- You have to stop right now.
- Yes, and I'm sureyourwife
feels the same way.
Listen, I gotta baby-sit
this show.
How's 1 1 :
00 foryou?.- How's right now foryou?.
- [ Moans ]
Thanks very much.
[Woman ]
How does this art makeyou freel?
Does it turn you on?.
Does it make you hot?.
D.oes it scareyou?
D.oes it minimizeyou as a man?
- You're really gonna do this?.
- I've decided.
You've decided, orwas it that article
in New York Magazine last month?.
- I've decided.
- Mm-hmm.
I just think it's time,
you know?.
- It's the one thing
I haven't experienced.
- Ofrcourse it's time, sweetie.
You go on with your frisky self,
and don't let Mr. Fuddy-Duddy
piss on your parade.
- Thankyou.
- Mar?.
- Mm-hmm?.
- What is the problem?.
She is trying new things.
Sure. Today,
sexual preference.
- Tomorrow, Henna tattoos.
- Okay.
So, let's see.
OscarWilde is too flip.
Emily Dickinson is too trite.
It has to be just so.
Maybe George Eliot.
- Why do I have to have a quote again?.
- Well, let's see.
If it's brainy enough, it'll weed out
the real unwashed masses.
Andifrit's well chosen,
you come across as someone...
who understands the plight
ofyour prospective partner--
the plight of humanity.
And by couching that understanding
in the words ofra great writer,
you appear sophisticated,
but earnest.
- Grounded, but hopeful.
- Oh, my God!
Sweetie, you're gonna have more p*ssy
than you know what to do with.
- Here, take a look.
- Rilke?.
Rilke's very profound.
Here.
So the first thing you wanna do is say,
"For friendship or more."
Wait. Why?.
Because then you have access to
all the bi-curious straight girls.
Straight girls?
But Bas--
Trust me.
Virgin flesh?. Mangia.
Bring that.
Let's go.
"Professional E-E, U-W-S,
V-G-L, N-S, D-W-M,
seeking same."
- What could that mean?.
- I'm not reallyversed
in single scene acronyms, so--
- Oh. Listen to this one.
This guy used a quote.
- That is so cheesy.
"It is not inertia alone
that is responsible...
"for human relationships
repeating themselves.
It is shyness before--"
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
- This one stinks.
- Actually, I think it's Freud.
Rilke. Uh,
one ofthose, I think.
Oh. Sorry. Guess I should read on.
"But only someone--"
Does he, um,
describe himself?.
Esoteric quote man?.
Let's see.
Oh. That's
women seeking women.
You know what, guys?.
Um, I really have a lot ofwork to do.
- Would you mind terribly--
- No. No, no, no.
Thanks. Sorry.
- Jess? Charles can make it
tonight after all.
- Yeah.
- So you're gonna get to meet him.
- Oh, good.
That would be great.
Thanks.
- Hey,Joan, is it okay
if I bring a date tonight?.
- Oh.
- Sure. The more, the merrier.
- Great. I'll seeyou tonight.
You invited Josh?.
Ew!
[Telephone Ringing]
[Telephone Ringing]
[Helen Over Machine ]
Hey, it's Hel. Leave it at the beep.
[ Woman, Husky Voice ] Hi. My name's
Nan, and I'm calling aboutyour ad.
I'm looking fror someone
with a big heart, an open mind,
and an adventurous spirit.
Also, in the long term, I'm looking
fror someone to mother a child with me.
- Wouldyou be into that?
- [ D.oorbell Rings ]
- Be quiet. You get it.
- Come on. I t'l I be adorable.
I t's not adorable. You are totally
loving this, aren't you?.
Please. I'm 1 60 pounds
and I wake up vomiting.
I have to live
through someone.
- Go. He's looking.
- This is embarrassing.
- Okay. Be quiet.
- He's staring. It's gonna be weird.
- Hi. I'm Charles.
- Hi.
-Jessica. [ Chuckles ]
- [Telephone Ringing]
Hey, it's Hel.
Leave it at the beep.
[ Woman ]
Hi, Helen. I'm calling aboutyour ad.
I would really like to meetyou
as soon as possible,
becauseyou sound
really special.
And to tell you the truth,
I'm hangin' on by a thread here,
and I couldreallyuse
someone special.
So, um,
just call me, okay?
# Sky's blue #
# You know what I'm freeling
You know #
# The verysweet sound
ofryour laughter ##
## [ Continues ]
[Jessica ] Oh, my God. Whatever.
I'm so happy...
to be eati ng a meal with i ntel I igent
people-- you have no idea.
That's us?.
I know, right?. So thankyou all
for not being freaks or morons...
Bless you all.
Tell me about it.
Most people I meet at the salon...
are totally "malcompetent."
So, Charles,
what aboutyou?
Have you had a horrible time
out there too?.
- Oh, uh, I don't know. I do okay.
- Yeah?.
Actually, I just met
somebody pretty special.
Um, her name's Michelle.
And it's early, but--
- I don't know. It freels right.
- Charles.
I thought you were single.
Didn't you tell me that, honey?.
[Sighs ]
Uh, I thought so.
[ Charles ] I'm sorry.
Is this supposed to be a setup?
[Jessica ]
No, no. No way. Not a setup.
J ust-J ust a friendly dinner.
- Absolutely. J ust a group of friends.
- [Joan ] Yes.
Matthew and I just like
to have our friends know each other.
Well,you know,Jessica,
don't worry about it. I mean, it's--
We've all been through it.
It's just a jungle out there.
[Josh ]
Yeah, especially fror Stein. I mean,
she always has trouble meeting people
who are good enough for her.
Yeah. God, I wish
I hadyour luck,Josh.
I see you have no trouble
meeting people ofyour caliber.
You know, Stein, why don't you
cut yourself a break?.
It's obviously not the time
to be meeting someone anyway.
- Really?. What?. Not the season?.
- No.
It's just because you're
clearly not open to it.
Excuse me?. I'm sorry.
How would you know?.
Well, I do have
a little history to draw from.
But even ifl didn't,
for about an hour,
and in that time...
you've insulted and dismissed
a panoply of men...
based on factors as reductive
as a linguistic misstep,
a different view from yours
on going Dutch, a kind reaction
toyour legendary lateness,
and a genuine interest
in yoga.
You know, I think
it was Anais Nin who said,
"We don't see things
as they are.
We see things
as we are."
[ Chuckles ]
Generally, I'm not much ofa Nin fan,
but I do feel that bit
sums you up to a "T",Stein.
So I don't think the problem's
with these poor men--
these freaks and morons,
as you put it.
I think the problem
Translation
Translate and read this script in other languages:
Select another language:
- - Select -
- 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
- 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
- Español (Spanish)
- Esperanto (Esperanto)
- 日本語 (Japanese)
- Português (Portuguese)
- Deutsch (German)
- العربية (Arabic)
- Français (French)
- Русский (Russian)
- ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
- 한국어 (Korean)
- עברית (Hebrew)
- Gaeilge (Irish)
- Українська (Ukrainian)
- اردو (Urdu)
- Magyar (Hungarian)
- मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
- Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Italiano (Italian)
- தமிழ் (Tamil)
- Türkçe (Turkish)
- తెలుగు (Telugu)
- ภาษาไทย (Thai)
- Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
- Čeština (Czech)
- Polski (Polish)
- Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Românește (Romanian)
- Nederlands (Dutch)
- Ελληνικά (Greek)
- Latinum (Latin)
- Svenska (Swedish)
- Dansk (Danish)
- Suomi (Finnish)
- فارسی (Persian)
- ייִדיש (Yiddish)
- հայերեն (Armenian)
- Norsk (Norwegian)
- English (English)
Citation
Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:
Style:MLAChicagoAPA
"Kissing Jessica Stein" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 26 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/kissing_jessica_stein_11913>.
Discuss this script with the community:
Report Comment
We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.
If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly.
Attachment
You need to be logged in to favorite.
Log In