Kissing Jessica Stein Page #9

---

I'm in room 325 at Sinai.

- [ Baby Crying ]

- Oh, my God. Can you believe?

Come by soon. Where are you?

[ No Audi ble Dialogue ]

[ Chatteri ng, I ndistinct ]

The only woman that loved me

not just in spite of my faults,

but because of them somehow.

- I love you, Rachel.

- [ All Laughing, Chattering ]

I'm gonna go get some air.

- Helen, hey.

- Oh,Josh. Hi, uh--

- God, you know, I'm flattered,

but it's really not a good time.

- They're forJessica.

Oh, sorry.

Well, I heard the opening was tonight

and wanted to wish herwell. That's all.

That's sweet,

but she's not here.

- You're kidding. Why not?.

- Oh, she's got a lot going on.

- You know, wedding stuff,

rehearsal dinner.

- Oh.

I am so stupid.

Well, will I seeyou there tomorrow?

Uh, no,you won't.

[ Sighs ]

Is that hers?.

Oh, yeah.

Wow.

That's a pretty powerful piece.

Yeah. It's amazing that

someone like Jessica takes

such risks in herwork, huh?.

[ Chuckles ]

She certainly doesn't anywhere else.

Beautiful toast.

Yeah, it was.

You okay?.

Uh, I don't know. No.

What is it,Jess?.

It's just sometimes I think

I'm gonna be alone forever.

You can jump in any time.

You're my love, you know that?.

My beloved.

But sometimes I worry foryou.

I worry for me too.

Sweetheart.

I will never forget...

when you were

in the fifth grade...

and you were so excited when

you got the lead in the play.

Do you remember that?.

- Really Rosie.

- Really Rosie, yeah. I remember.

And you came home after

the first day of rehearsal...

and you turned to me

and you said, "Mommy,

I'm not gonna do it.

I quit."

Just like that.

I turned toyou and I said,

"Jessie.Jessie, my love, why??"

And you said,

"Because my costar isn't good enough."

"And if my costar

isn't good enough,

"then the play

won't be good enough.

And I don't wanna be part of any play

that isn't good enough."

And I thought to myself...

"Oy.

"This child will suffer.

How this child will suffer."'

And then they gave it to

the mieskeit with the glasses.

- Tess Greenblatt.

- Right.

- God, she was terrible.

- Right. And you would have been great.

And you didn't get to do it.

You had to sit there and

watch terrible Tess do it...

with that guyyou thought

wasn't good enough,

- who was actually

quite excellent, wasn't he?.

- He was. He was very good.

And you know?.

I always think thatyou would have been

so much happier doing that play,

even ifit was just okay.

Even ifit was great,

just not the best ever.

And maybe,

just maybe,

it would have been

the best ever.

You never know.

Jessie.

Yeah?.

I think--

I think she's a very nice girl.

[Typing]

[D.ialing]

[ Line Ringing ]

Hey, it's Jess. Leave me a message.

[ Machine Beeps ]

Jessica.

Hi, it's Josh... Meyers.

And, uh, I just wanted to--

God, I wish you were home.

[ Doorbell Buzzes ]

I'm wearing this.

Doyou have any interest in this one?.

- [Glass Breaks ]

- [ Guests ] Mazeltov.

[ Chattering ]

Aren't they great?.

Aren't they gorgeous?. Hello, darling.

Hey, how's it going?.

- Uh--

- Are you the lesbian?.

Helen, darling.

Wejust wantyou to know again...

how welcome you are

in our family.

Right,Sid?.

-I told herwelcome three times already.

-Jesus.

I've been hearing about "the one"

for, I don't know, like 20 years.

And I thought

it would be a guy.

Right. I know, I know. But look,

I don't even believe that anymore.

I don't believe

there's just one person.

I think there are,

like, seven.

[ Coughs, Groans ]

- Oh, f***! F***, f***! Oh!

- [Thuds ]

- Are you okay?. Is it horrible?.

- I'm fine.

- Are you sure?. Are you having any fun?.

- Yeah, I am.

The dress looks good.

I'm gonna be right back.

- I don't know what she sees in her.

- Mother.

- She's flat-chested.

-Jesus, mother.

But at leastyou'reJewish,

right, dear?.

- Uh, no, but I've been to a seder.

- Well, that's nice.

Hey, guys, congratulations.

I'm sorry I'm a little late.

Congratulations.

- Hey.

- Oh, hey, Meyers.

- I've been looking all over foryou.

- Oh. Why?.

Well,just to, uh--

Did you get my--

- What?.

- Uh, nothing.

- What, what, what?.

- Oh, nothing. It doesn't matter.

Oh, Helen, dear, haveyou thought

about the kids issue?.

I mean, you could of course each

try artificial inseminating.

Could you excuse me for a minute?.

I really have to pee.

- Did you see the view?.

- No. I haven't had a chance actually.

Why don't we

just go look at it?.

[ Groans ]

- Hi, Helen.

- Oh, my God.

Joan, hi.

- Hi, sorry. I was just, uh--

- I know. D.oyousmoke?

- No, I don't.

- Good. Neither do I.

- Oh, my God.

- I know.

It's so beautiful.

Yeah.

- Are you cold?.

- No, I'm fine.

- Here. Why don't you take myjacket?.

- No, really. I'm fine.

Jessica. What?.

- Are you okay?.

- Yeah. Why?.

I just, uh--

I haven't heard you say

my first name in, like, a decade.

Oh, right. Sorry.

- [ Exhales ] Stein,just take my coat.

- Okay, thanks.

- It's just like kissing a guy.

- No, it's not.

No, it's not.

How's it different?.

Well,

the lips are softer

and the body's softer.

And there's this nonthreatening

but very exciting--

It's kind ofr

hard to describe.

Wow. Wow.

It's pretty f***in'

awesome actually.

- Whoa.

- [ Gasps ]

[ Both Chuckling ]

- Like, a year, right?. And that's it.

- Who knows?. An hour.

- And then you've impacted

the entire world.

- This is exactly--

I feel like I've always had

this theory along the same lines.

It's really stupid, but I've

always felt ifyou could be...

- the guy or gal to come up with

a really good quote.

- Right.

But good, like a good one.

A goodlittle nugget.

Like, "Nothing to fear

but fear itself,"

- That's a good one.

- or, "Ask not whatyour country--"

And then you're done.

I mean, that's like immortality

in one kind oflightbulb moment.

You just go offto some Caribbean island

and drink all day and read and sw--

- What areyou doing?.

- Uh, I just, uh--

Hey, hey, hey, Meyers.

Take it easy.

- We got plenty, you know.

It's an open bar.

- Yeah. I just--

I know. I needed that

unfortunately badly because...

I have to tell you something

and it's just gonna be hard.

Oh.

Oh, my God.

Areyou firing me?.

- Is that whyyou brought up

the quitting and everything?.

- No, no. I'm not firing you.

I went tosee

yourshowlast night.

And I broughtyou flowers

because I knewyou were reallysad.

But, you know, the truth is that

you've been really happy lately.

I 've noticed.

I mean, so happy.

And that's made me really sad.

Inexplicably, deeplysad.

You know?. I mean, different than my

general snarky, bitter, tortured thing.

And, uh-- So anyway, I went to see

your show, not knowing exactlywhy,

and, uh, I saw your piece.

And I stared.

And then I had to get out ofthere.

I ran home.

And I started writing. I--

Just writing, all night.

Then I wrote all night

and into today.

I mean, that's why I was late.

I was writing.

And you know what?.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote