Knife Fight Page #2

And what kind

of masseuse is this,

like a masseuse masseuse

or an escort?

Julia got her from

the Speaker of the Assembly!

We're in room five.

Okay, how many people

know about this?

Just us.

Come on, man.

This is...

This could be a career killer.

Okay, I need 15 minutes here...

make it 10...

and I am on this.

Look out the door:

Malnourished children,

AIDS rampant,

people looking for decent jobs

or any job,

for that matter,

victims of an education system

horribly broken,

and hope, something in

extremely short supply.

I completely agree,

and I can only imagine

what it's like

to try to run this

every year.

And next year, you're gonna have

even less money for this clinic.

So in terms of fund-raising,

I think I should

put you in touch

with some deep-pocket guys

in Woodside,

Pacific Heights,

internet do-gooder...

I want to run for governor.

[Stammers]

Excuse me?

I want to run for governor.

[Laughs]

Well, I guess that's one way

to solve your problem.

Okay, do you mind

if I ask you why?

For 9 years,

I have worked 12,

14 hours a day here,

seeing what's working

in our society

and, more importantly,

what isn't.

And I'm not

just a physician, I...

[knock at door]

- I'm really sorry.

- Yeah?

What do you want me

to tell Maria's mom?

Nothing from Children's?

Okay, we're gonna

have to road-trip it.

Get in their faces.

Guilt them into the transplant.

And ask the OR nurses

when Chris Anderson

gets out of his last surgery.

- Sure.

- Okay.

- Dim sum on the way back?

- Perfect, thanks.

[Sighs] Sorry.

My life.

Anyway, I'm not just

a physician.

I also do community organizing,

a job qualification

that didn't hurt our president.

And, uh, not

to sound too immodest,

but I think I can make

people's lives better.

Look.

Forgive me.

You're Dan's sister,

and I love him,

and you seem like

a very nice person yourself,

but I got to tell you,

and I think, as a doctor,

you'll understand

when I say this:

You need to have

your head examined.

I mean, seriously,

because this is insane.

Running a free clinic

with what the state gives me,

that's insane too.

Okay, um, all right.

We had something that came up,

so I don't have

a ton of time,

but let me just

walk you through this.

If you are ballsy enough

or crazy enough to do this,

I can promise you

an unending barrage

of innuendo, vitriol, and lies.

Everything will be

on the public record,

from the dope that you smoked

in the 11th grade

to the blow you did

with your girlfriends

during your college lesbian

experimentation period.

There's not one moment

of your past

that will not be scrutinized

in excruciating detail.

- Done?

- Not yet.

After that all comes out

and more,

the facts will be twisted,

stomped, and exaggerated

to the point that you will

no longer recognize them.

And if that doesn't do it,

new facts will be made up

so they can destroy you.

- Done?

- Not yet.

And then they'll say...

and I'll say it right now...

what the hell qualifications

do you have to be governor?

In my job, I work

with every sort of person,

a giant array of problems.

I run a team that daily

produces real, tangible results.

I see our problems up close,

and I think that I

can bring people together

to accomplish things...

good things.

- Good things?

- Yes.

Excuse me.

This isn't

a high school service club.

Okay, getting elected isn't

the Harvard-Yale debate society

where the best argument

carries the day.

These are steel-cage

death matches.

Even if you win,

which, with all due respect,

would be laughable,

they will hobble you.

They will shatter you.

The process itself

will change you in ways

that you cannot

even possibly imagine.

Is that what you want,

and is that what you want

for you, for your family?

Do you have a family?

I'm a single mom.

I have a six-year-old son.

- What about the kid's dad?

- Irrelevant.

Not if you're gonna do this.

Nothing will be irrelevant.

Despite this being

the bluest state in the country,

it still knocked down

gay marriage

and the legalization of pot.

Over half of the people

in the state

self-identify as born-agains

or regular church-goers,

not exactly the profile

of someone

who's gonna be voting for you.

This is a blood sport, okay?

I have worked for men

who were shot at in Vietnam,

and the campaign literally

broke them down to tears.

A man I loved...

who America loved,

with the Navy Cross

and two Purple Hearts,

sat crying

on my living room couch

because of what the press said

about him and his family.

You're too good a person

for this.

Look.

To win in politics,

you have got to be the person

who is willing to bring a gun

to a knife fight.

Is this your usual pep talk?

No.

Well, that's good, I guess.

No, this one's

for friends and family.

Usually it's worse.

Hmm.

[Chuckles]

She wants to be governor.

Oh, man.

I liked her.

She was cool and sharp,

and it seemed

like she really wanted it.

Well, I want to play shortstop

for the Giants,

but it's not gonna happen

in this lifetime.

Okay.

Jimmy, you want to start us off?

This is our friend

Tawny Shearson,

courtesy of YouTube

at her massage school

graduation picnic.

So she is an actual masseuse?

This is not a set-up?

Licensed

and with six years' experience.

Oh, that sucks.

But with other experience too.

She had the misfortune

of being arrested twice

for prostitution.

The first time,

she pleaded guilty

and was sentenced to probation.

The other time,

charges were dropped.

Okay, so we're not dealing

with the Virgin Mary here.

Exactly.

And you, sir,

are a war hero

who served your country

in the freezing mountains

of Afghanistan

while she was selling her p*ssy

at the Beverly Hills hotel.

So if it becomes her word

against yours,

you should be okay.

That's the good news.

Okay, tell me the bad news.

She's a pro,

and you're on her massage table

in your boxers.

That's our bogey.

Do we know

what she's asking for?

- $2 million.

- Oh, forget that.

Jimmy, could you bring up

the next thing?

Okay, we just

threw this together,

probably a little early,

but we had to know.

You want to know why

you're up seven points?

This is why.

Soccer moms, 35 to 45.

These are your people.

No way would I believe him.

And if she had

a shady past

and was a known and proven liar?

I don't know.

Someone who looks like that?

He's still a guy.

Guys do what they're gonna do.

And how about

if someone told you

that he was in a state

of semiconsciousness

because of all the pain,

and that's why he didn't realize

how bad it might look,

him being in there with her?

If my husband

said something like that,

not only would I think

that he's a cheating jerk

but that he can't make up

a halfway decent lie.

Okay, they were my people.

And if I told you

that because of a war injury,

sometimes he takes

strong pain medication,

which makes him drowsy,

and that's why this happened?

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