Knife Fight Page #3

Well, that's 10% better,

but 90% pure lame-o.

Come on.

Really.

[Laughter]

They love you

when you're talking

about smaller class sizes

but not so much

when you're trying to explain

away a quickie with Tawny.

I am such an idiot.

You are anything but.

You got caught up

in some nasty sh*t.

We're gonna figure out a way

to get you out of it.

How's she gonna spill it?

She's got some kind of

in at Fox.

This a**hole they brought in

to run KXSF, Roger Fillmore,

he's practically

smacking his lips on this one,

not to mention his riding-high

Tea Party pals.

This is their wet dream.

So what are they waiting for?

She's teed it up but hasn't

given the deliverables.

This is straight-up pay to play.

And even if we do pay,

Roger is still probably

gonna run with it.

Okay, look,

we're gonna figure out a way

to inoculate you against this,

and we're gonna dig up the sh*t

on this girl.

What do you think

is the best room service?

Carl Ludwig

at KCOP loves us.

Or Maggie Darcy?

I have two words for you:

Peaches O'Dell.

[Door bells jingle]

[Muzak playing]

- Hey.

- Hey.

Can I buy you another coffee?

No, thanks.

I got enough

to last me all night,

which, at the rate you're

dumping your garbage on me,

is where I'm gonna be again.

You did a great job

with that Tawny mug shot.

- She's a ho.

- She's a ho with a story.

Yeah, well, like all of us.

How much it cost you?

Nothing.

I did a little thing

for an Interpol guy

running a button cam video

on a dot-com gazillionaire.

- A thing?

- A thing.

You don't want to know.

Trust me.

And I got you a little present.

This wouldn't have

anything to do

with health-related issues,

would it?

Try everything.

Your buddy in Kentucky,

the ex-left fielder for

the Baltimore Orioles, no less...

Guess what?

He's mortal.

- I'm heartbroken.

- Yeah, me too.

Who would have thunk it?

Mr. "I used to play

in the big leagues

while you were a p*ssy

in the Peace Corps,"

arrogant prick f***.

- And this is solid?

- Platinum.

Actually seen

or talked about?

What do you take me for?

As our friend the Gipper

always said,

"Doveryai, no proveryai."

Trust but verify.

Okay.

[Chuckles]

Well, no pro... pro... prover...

Look at it.

Wow.

Yeah.

You can kiss me

if you like.

Irregular heartbeat.

He's had it for years.

And one of the great truisms

of the game is,

when voters start to worry

about a candidate's health,

it is a gigantic

numbers suck.

Well, sure, Paul.

But I can't exactly

tell a local news honey

I just happened to sneak a peek

at Perkins' medical records.

Well, no, I mean,

not like that.

How, then?

It's all about how

you frame the narrative.

Look, this is a race

about leadership.

One guy is using his position

in the state senate

to conduct a completely

meritless witch hunt

against a man

who has served the public

his entire adult life,

a man who works

for the state of Kentucky 24/7.

I mean, look...

Look what time

we're talking now.

It's what?

It's 3:
15 in the morning

your time.

[Scoffs]

Yeah.

What you do

is incredibly difficult.

It requires tremendous

strength and stamina.

Yeah, you're f***ing

telling me.

Trying to get

my antiforeclosure thing

through this wing-nut

legislature is like

trying to run a Red Sox flag

up in Yankee Stadium.

How's it going?

Ah, you know,

2 steps forward, 11/2 back.

And not to sound

like some kind of ad

you guys do, but my mama

could've used

something like this.

And if these a**holes

want a fight,

they're gonna get a fight.

And it's an incredibly

difficult fight, right?

I mean, look, all we're doing

is asking the voters

to compare the two candidates'

health records

and make an informed choice.

I mean, you're gonna release

everything you have, right?

I mean, and is there

anything in there

that I need

to be worried about?

Nothing.

- Really nothing?

- Trust me.

Despite decades

of avoiding the gym

like that's where

you get dengue fever,

I have, probably unfairly,

been dealt a pretty good hand.

I'm gonna have my guy

look it over anyway.

And then when we do release it,

every day, at every stop

through every news cycle,

we hammer him to release his.

What if he doesn't go for it?

Well, that's exactly

what we want.

More than anything else,

it's the refusal to release

that creates the story.

Look.

Campaigns always come down

to one thing above all else:

Who do you trust?

And by not releasing,

that causes people

to lose trust.

And once you've lost

the public trust,

you're a dead man walking.

Better him than me.

And that's just the beginning.

Then we get some credible

third parties down there

to just pound him,

ask him, "Has he ever

failed a steroids test?"

You think Roger Clemens

on steroids was a big story?

How about a guy

running for governor

on the juice?

And the nurses are with us

big-time, we get them out there,

picketing his f***ing office

every week, and then we get

our blog buddies

to float a story

that he may be suffering

from some sort of STD,

and then we put the flyers on

the windshield at the churches,

and then we follow that up

with a killer push poll.

Well, that's nice, considering

he's got none of those things.

Well, maybe he has,

and maybe he hasn't.

We're just asking the questions.

Look, your guy loves to talk

about hitting

major-league pitching?

Well, politics is the NFL.

And we're gonna hit him

helmet-to-helmet.

Let's say he does release them

and people feel sorry for him?

Then I just look like some kind

of a jerk for bringing it up.

You didn't know

what was in it!

You're as surprised

as anyone else.

He was an all-star

baseball player,

for Christ's sake.

Of course,

you feel for him,

and you'll keep him

in yours and Sophia's prayers,

but what

you're more interested in

is who is best qualified

to lead a state

that nobody could possibly

care about more than you.

Got it.

[Inhales deeply]

Crazy times, man.

Hey, is it true Stephen Green

got a hummer from a pro?

Where did you hear that?

I heard it.

Come on.

One of Green's guys

did the, uh...

the Webb race

with one of mine.

[Laughs]

That makes my stuff

look like a walk in the park.

Was she hot?

I can neither confirm

nor deny the story.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Was she hot?

Allegedly, very.

Hey, Peaches!

Really?

You're coming to me?

- Always.

- Oh, come on.

When I'm looking my worst?

Your worst

is 1,000 times better

than most people's best.

Weren't you a Miss something?

- Nebraska?

- Arizona.

- Arizona.

- Miss Arizona.

Some of us had to get ahead

without the fancy schools.

Hey, while you were polishing

your tiara,

I was busting my ass

on construction sites

up in Minnesota.

Oh, please.

Didn't you go

to Harvard Law or something?

Sounds kind of silver-spoony

to me.

Try wooden spoon.

My dad was

a building trades union steward.

That's how I got

all my cushy jobs

lugging lumber

up four flights of stairs.

Rate this script:4.0 / 1 vote