Knights of Badassdom Page #4

---

really need some help?

F*** you and the moustache

you rode in on!

Oh, f***!

I'm... outta here.

'Tis a cruel act of the gods to

waste such a sweet backside...

on such a filthy beast.

It gets me every time.

Huh.

Come here.

The noise came from

around here somewhere.

Just keep your wits.

Oh God.

Oh lord, he's dead.

Oh sh*t.

What the hell?

I don't understand.

All right, we gotta keep going.

We gotta get Eric, your crazy

cousin and call the cops.

What was that?

Sh*t.

Joe, what are you doing?

There's someone in there.

I know, that's what

I'm worried about.

You're not gonna

sing, Joe, are you?

What?

Tell me you're not gonna sing.

Not right now, baby.

No, no, no.

No, no, no, no!

Gunther!

Gunther!

Ease up!

Stay your hand, mighty warlord.

Evil has befallen him.

His handiwork is all around us.

We heard you and we thought

it might be whoever...

did this.

Where's... where's Ronnie?

Lando?

Do not enter.

One cannot cheat death forever.

This is not good.

Joe, what the f***

is going on here?

I don't know what's going on.

But I want to talk to Ronnie.

Ronnie?

You think Ronnie is

responsible for this?

What am I supposed to think?

You guys and your quest

for authenticity.

Oh, come...

Real weapons.

In-game bullshit.

Archaic books.

Ugh, the evil book again, huh?

It would surprise me not, "vizard,"

if thou hath brought forth

something vile and unholy,

a pox upon mankind.

Gunther!

We're out of game here, man.

Somebody tell me what

the hell's going on here.

Hell, indeed, is going on.

The "vizard" has summoned evil.

And most likely while thy apprentice was

in the circle, he has been made unholy.

Gunther.

I cannot tell you whether

'twas man or beast,

but I can tell you surely

it was not Jobryeth.

We need to get out of here.

What we need to do is avenge the

poor souls taken here this eve.

With what?

Foam sticks?

Jobryeth is right.

We need weapons from my

private reserve of steel.

Thou speakests Sense.

Let us return to camp.

And arm ourselves.

While they call for help...

reinforcements.

Very well.

I am watching you.

We all feel safer for that.

Oh fuckity f***.

Oh my... God!

Get a hold of yourself, man.

Get a hold of yourself, man!

What the f*** was that, man?

Oh my God, she was not normal!

She was like some kind

of she-beast from the...

Oh, my sweet sh*t.

Oh my sweet, sweet sh*t.

Eric, you f***ing a**hole.

I have to warn him.

Where the f*** am I?

They suck at making maps!

Where the hell am I!

Why is there no one here?

Shouldn't someone be here?

Come on, the best way for us to help

is to drive somewhere and get some.

That's not what was agreed upon.

We were to seek vengeance.

Where are the weapons?

Weapons are in here, okay?

Now come on, let's go.

Where the f*** is my phone?

Anyone?

Sweet Jesus, Man.

Sorry, dude.

There's some weird sh*t

going on out there, man.

Oh... kay.

We gotta call 9-1-1.

Do you have a cell phone?

9-1-1 is just gonna

route a cell call.

What you ought to do is call the

Sky Valley Sheriff directly.

I can get the number.

Call Sky Valley Sheriff.

Sky Valley Sheriff.

There's been an accident at

the state park campgrounds.

You gotta get here

as soon as you can.

Hold up now...

What kind of accident?

Well, there's this

LARP event going on...

Wait a minute, LARP like,

like dressed up

- like wizards and sh*t?

- Yeah, like that.

But this is serious.

It wasn't just one of those paintballer

pranks, people are in danger.

You stay put...

We'll be right there.

Oh, thank god.

Tommy!

Tommy, get your ass up.

We gotta get going.

Hey, Randy.

Rise and shine, buddy.

We got a cold dish of get

back that needs serving.

Get your cousin and get your gear.

Imma pick you up in 10.

Whoa, this does not look

like regulation game play.

Are you guys out of game or not?

We're so far outta game,

we're somehow back in it.

I thought you said

there were bodies.

What are you guys up to?

Where be the game master?

Where be our hordes

for glorious combat?

Everyone else completed their

mission and camped out

on the battlefield.

Are you guys gonna camp

- or just stay up all night?

- Right.

I must fight the

evil at its source!

Gunther!

You guys are on another planet.

You know drugs are

off-limit out here.

How far's the battlefield?

Ronnie Kwok's gonna hear about this.

How far!

Take it easy.

That way through the forest.

I'm out.

Great.

Now can we get the hell out of here?

You kidding?

We can't leave Gunther.

No.

Joe.

Goddamn it, Joe!

Hey, what is that?

Are they... I think they're...

...is that Eddie?

Beth?

Beth!

Holy sh*t, that's your

psychotic girlfriend?

Ex-girlfriend.

This is so f***ed up.

Guys.

Dude, what...

Hey.

I'll tell you what I see.

Tell you what I see.

- A warrior.

- Warrior.

Who can't let go of his past.

Oh sh*t.

This has something to do with the

photo of me and Beth at Prom.

What?

Yeah, in the book, the

f***ing eBay book, man.

What... Get the f*** out, man.

No, I had the photo with me

when you summoned this...

whatever this is with the book.

Eric, use the book to send that

b*tch back wherever she came from!

I don't know how?

I just picked a page

at random earlier.

Well then, just pick another...

pick another page and

hurry the f*** up.

Sing it.

Sing it, wizard.

That was for Hung!

Take that, b*tch!

That was sung by

Eric the Enchanter.

What?

You just let her get away.

Excuse me?

She just went off into the woods

to die like a wounded animal.

Gimme the book.

- F***!

- God.

This is the "Sigillum Aemeth. "

Where did you get this book?

Uh, why?

Shut up, never mind.

Did you read this page?

Um.

- Why?

- Did you read it?

Yes, yes... Holy f***, yes.

We read it and it scared that

crazy chick back to hell

or wherever the f*** she came from.

If that doesn't get me to level

27, I don't know what will

Kwok, so why don't you pony up.

No, no, no, no, no, okay.

Now it makes sense.

It makes no sense.

It's gibberish...

It makes sense!

It makes sense that

you speak Enochian.

Enochian, what?

You made that up.

This is the "Sigillum Aemeth. "

It is the only one of its kind.

It was handwritten in the 16th

Century by the mystic John Dee

and it has been lost

for generations.

Uh, bullshit.

It came from the internets,

not the 16th Century.

If you're tying to get out of

admitting how awesome I am...

John Dee was tying to summon

angels, but evil travels under

its own power and he

actually summoned demons

and the demons forged this book.

What are you saying, Kwok?

Dee tried to destroy,

but he couldn't.

So he sealed it and he hid it

deep underneath his manor estate

and it has been lost

for generations.

But here it is in your incapable hands

and you summoned a succubus from hell!

And then this last passage that

you read, the herald of Abominog.

And in the language lay the

name of the hell lord Abominog

and I hath spoken the name

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes