Knots Page #7

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l know what you're

going to say, Dave...

that l'm the boy

who always cried wolf...

but this time,

it's the real thing...

and this real thing is going

to marry someone else, so...

l thought it was worth...

throwing two years

of clean lungs out the window.

You OK with that?

As long as l can get one.

Do you mind?

Not at all.

You OK?

lt's good.

lt's time to grow up.

l'm doing the right thing here.

The thought of her

and Jake together...

just makes my stomach...

What is that,

that noise you make?

What?

''Mmm.'' You always go ''mmm.''

lf you don't agree with

someone, you go ''mmm.''

lt's very passive-aggressive.

That.

Dave, right?

There's someone out front to

see you.

Who?

She wouldn't say.

She?

Go get it, dog.

Where?

There.

Thank you.

What are you doing here?

Are you kidding?

l wouldn't miss this

for the world.

Why?

What is this?

Have a look.

This is you and Cal?

Nice butt, huh?

Why are you giving this to me?

What am l supposed

to do with this?

That, my dear, is

entirely up to you.

We're ready.

Dearly beloved,

we are gathered here today...

to celebrate the love

of two people, Calvin and Emily.

Marriage is

a sacred institution...

and one which should not

be entered into lightly...

but rather consciously,

thoughtfully, and soberly.

lf anyone has reason

why these two...

should not be joined together

in Holy matrimony...

speak now

or forever hold your peace.

Calvin Scoppa,

do you take Emily Davis...

to be your lawfully

wedded wife...

to have and to hold...

for richer, for poorer...

so long as you both

shall live?

Hold on.

Oh, thank God.

-l have to say this.

-Say what?

You both are

really, really great...

and l love you,

but you can't do this.

You're getting married

because you think...

you're supposed to,

not because you want to.

And believe me,

l know what l'm talking about...

because l've

been playing fiddle...

while the ''Titanic''

is sinking...

and l've made a lot of mistakes.

l haven't been

honest with myself...

or any of you

for a long, long time.

l knew our marriage was a mess,

but you admitted it first...

and made me so upset,

l acted like a jerk...

and l'm sorry for that.

l can't stand here

and let you two...

make the same kind

of mistake we did.

Cal, this is the hardest

thing l've ever had to do...

and l'm pretty sure--no.

What's he doing?

l'm positive...that it's

the right thing to do.

Don't get married.

At least...

not to each other.

That's it.

You're completely out

of your mind, man.

Because l've changed.

l love this woman.

l love this woman!

And l'm going to

marry her today.

Tell them, Emily.

Wait.

You're buying into this crap?

Cal, Dave's right.

You're going to take

marital advice...

from a guy who

married a lesbian?

That wasn't entirely his fault.

lt wasn't.

lt wasn't his fault.

l'm sorry.

Honey.

l'm sorry, Cal.

You son of a b*tch.

How could you do this to me?

You no-good piece of sh*t!

Let go of me!

l have to get married today!

l'm getting married today!

l have to get

married today!

Are you OK?

l was hoping

he'd take that...

a little bit better

than he did.

Natives are getting

restless, kids.

Ladies and gentlemen...

it seems as though there's been

a slight change of plans.

On behalf of Cal and Emily, we'd

like to thank you for coming...

and we'll keep you posted.

Feel free to sign the guest book

on your way out.

So, this guy's name was Job?

Yes...my son.

Poor bastard.

Padre...

leave us a minute.

Why'd you do it?

Where'd you get these?

Lily.

Her name is Lil--

This is your Lily?

You put her up to this?

She did it all on her own.

Why?

Because she's

a sick, twisted woman.

You can say that again.

Cal, l'm sorry.

l couldn't let you...

make the biggest

mistake of your life.

You were right, Dave.

l was?

l'm not ready for this.

l couldn't give Emily

what she needs.

She deserves a good guy...

like that prick Jake.

What's going on?

What happened?

l didn't get married.

Yeah, l can see that.

No...l'm not

getting married.

Do you want to go

grab a fudgsicle?

l do.

Emily, sweetheart,

what the hell is going on?

lt's OK. l'm fine.

This is my friend

Jake Elowitch.

That's my mom and my dad.

Nice to meet you,

Mr. and Mrs. Davis.

You raised a lovely daughter.

Thank you.

Where are you going?

We're going to

go get a fudgsicle.

A fudgsicle?

How did it go?

All right, l guess.

How's Emily?

She seemed fine when she

walked out with Jake.

Where did he come from?

l called him.

You called him?

Emily and Jake

are nice people...

and they deserve exactly

what's coming to them.

Where's she going?

l think she's about to have sex

with Cal in the rectory.

How did we not

see that coming?

Thank you for what

you said about us.

l could have picked

a better forum.

What you did took

a lot of courage.

l'm really proud of you.

l brought you something.

The divorce papers.

All signed and ready

for your approval.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

How are you, Dave?

How am l?

Aside from my jaw...

l'm pretty good...

for the first time

in a long time.

Pretty good.

l'm so glad.

Honestly, Dave, l'm glad.

Thanks.

Friends?

Friends.

l'm really glad

to hear you say that.

Why?

Because it makes what

l'm about to tell you...

a lot easier to say.

What's that?

l'm pregnant.

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