Krampus Unleashed Page #4

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Your father needs your

help with his laptop.

- [Troy] Later.

- Now!

- Damn.

(sighs) Fine.

(ominous instrumental music)

(crickets chirp)

- Sh*t.

(gun c*cks)

Wow.

I, I wasn't--

- Shut up!

- Easy.

- Hands up.

What you doin'

outside my window?

- I was just trying to--

- Save it!

- Look, if you just

let me explain.

- Ooh, what's that little thing?

- Well, that would be my--

- Turn around.

So this is how you surprise me?

- I told ya I was coming

home for Christmas.

- Mm hmm.

I should kick your ass

for sneaking up on me.

- What?

Thought you liked

games like that.

And besides, I had to make sure

I wasn't being followed.

It was kinda risky considering

your ex carries a gun.

- F*** that.

(beeping)

Wait.

- What?

- You hear that?

It's the oven timer.

- Okay.

- Dinner's ready.

- And?

- You don't feel like eating?

- My mind's kind of on

other things right now.

- First rule of survival?

You gotta eat.

- [Boyfriend] Well sh*t.

(coyotes howling)

(crickets chirp)

(roaring)

(crickets chirp)

- Oh.

Oh, it's on.

You hear that, Roger?

- Oh yeah.

- Got the night vision camera?

- Right here, man.

- What about that

heat-sensin' thingamajig?

- That's a big

ten-four, ole buddy.

(laughs)

Isn't that a .50 cal?

- Yes it is, man.

- That's a lot of firin' power.

- Should be enough, man.

- Enough for what?

- Man, what do you

mean "for what?"

We gotta take that

son of a b*tch down.

- Well, wait, wait,

you mean kill him?

That's the plan?

- Yeah, that's

always been the plan.

Don't tell me you have

a problem with that now.

- Well,

sh*t, I'don't know, maybe.

- Come on.

- He could be the

last of his kind

in the whole dang

world for all we know.

- Come on, man.

What are you, f***in'

Greenpeace now?

- No, I just,

shootin' somethin'

that's one of a kind

just don't seem right.

- It don't seem right?

Well obviously you ain't

never heard of Darwin,

you know, natural

selection and sh*t.

- Did he used to

drive that blue Chevy?

- What, man?

No!

Darwin was like 1,000 years ago

or somethin', man.

Talked about survival

of the fittest.

Okay?

So the way I see

it is if this thing

really is just runnin'

around out there,

last of its kind,

sh*t, man,

we're just takin' our part

in the natural

selection of things.

- I don't know.

- Look at it like

this then, okay?

What if he is out

there and, you know,

we find him,

what are we gonna do then, man?

- Well, I,

we'll be the famous as sh*t boys

who found Bigfoot.

- Man, not if we

can't prove it, man.

We'll end up just goin' home,

same laughingstock

we are right now.

- We're a laughingstock?

- Come on, Terry, what?

How can you be so

disconnected, man?

- Well, I, I--

- You don't hear

all that laughter?

All them murmurin' people

do underneath their breath

when you walk by?

Sh*t.

- Guess I never noticed.

- Yeah, well I do.

And everybody thinks it, man.

- Thinks what?

- Man, they think, "Here

come Roger and Terry, man.

"Two guys who are

gonna find Bigfoot.

"Couple of f***in' screws

loose in their head," they say.

- I never knew.

But, hey, we got a camera.

We got a heat-sensin'

thingamajig.

They're gonna have

to believe us.

- Man, nobody's gonna have

to believe anything, man.

That's not gonna be good enough.

Not even close.

All right?

We got no options.

No matter which way

you look at it, man,

this boy's goin' down.

- All right, so

what you're sayin'

is it's him or us.

- Yeah.

- Well, f*** it.

Guess you're right.

- No, man, I am right.

Now let's go.

(engine rumbles)

(crickets chirp)

(owl hoots)

- Merry Christmas, baby.

- Merry Christmas to you.

(crickets chirp)

- [Dale] You know, you

don't have to do that, Will.

- [Will] It's no problem.

- You're a good man.

Drink?

- [Will] What is that stuff?

- Well now, this

is Mr. Dale Henderson's

personal reserve.

- Moonshine?

(Dale chuckles)

Why not?

- Good answer.

(glasses clink)

(coughing)

- Oh God.

- Makes the hair on your

balls stand up, doesn't it?

- I'll say.

Wow. (coughs)

- Want another one?

- Absolutely.

- Still can't get

signal out here.

- Honey, give that thing a rest.

(Troy sighs)

- Oh, oh, oh sh*t.

- What the hell?

(Troy giggles)

- Troy, what are you doing?

- He was filming me again.

- Go to bed, Troy.

(Troy chuckles)

(Troy sighs)

- You're kidding, right?

The pet rock.

You're sleepin' with it now?

- Leave me alone.

(Troy chuckles)

- Whatever.

You know, your

sister's pretty hot.

- She's your cousin.

- So?

It's legal in some places.

Got a signal, finally!

- Now if you only

had someone to call.

- Shut up.

(crickets chirp)

- [Roger] Wow, man.

- [Terry] What?

- Keep it down.

- You talked first!

- [Roger] Shh, Terry,

keep it down, man.

- Dagnabbit, what?

- He's out here, man.

I can feel it.

- I don't feel nothin',

I don't feel sh*t.

- No, man.

He's definitely been out here.

Matter of fact,

he's still here.

You can bet on it.

Oh, man, do you see that?

(dramatic instrumental music)

- No!

- [Roger] Right there

in them bushes, man.

A dead man coulda seen that.

- God damn it, wait for me!

(gun fires)

- Damn, man.

(laughing)

It's a rabbit, man.

(laughing)

- That's you, Rog,

that's Peter Cottontail.

- F***, man.

(laughing)

- Oh God, oh you should,

you shoulda seen your face.

Oh goddamn, your

brow all gruesome,

lookin' mean as a rattlesnake.

"He, he's here, Terry.

"I, I got him."

Oh goddamn, what

a hoot. (laughs)

- Ha, ha, Terry, man.

Funny as always.

- Oh my God!

Oh, oh, wait, wait

until I tell people.

No, no, there he was, ole Rog,

facin' down the

creature, fearless,

regular f***in' Sylvester

Stallone he was.

Put Grizzly Adams

to shame with that.

- Have your laugh, Terry.

(distant roaring)

Swear to God, man.

(roaring)

You hear that, man?

- What was that?

- I don't know, man.

It sounds like it's

gettin' closer.

- Sounds like a stampede.

- Wait.

Is it gone?

(eerie instrumental music)

- I'm not likin' this.

- Me neither, man.

- I think we should

head back to the truck.

- Yeah, I'm all right with that.

(pulsing heartbeat)

- Rog?

(thudding)

(sighing)

- That was.

- Yeah it was.

- [Boyfriend] Yeah.

- I'll be right back.

(sighs)

(growling)

- Okay, what the hell?

(suspenseful instrumental music)

Is someone there?

(suspenseful instrumental music)

(muffled roaring)

(dark instrumental music)

(crickets chirp)

- James?

James.

(eerie, suspenseful

instrumental music)

Babe, where'd you go?

(chomping and slurping)

(screaming)

(roaring)

(dramatic instrumental music)

(gun c*cks)

(gun fires)

(gun fires)

(gun fires)

(growling)

(screaming)

(roaring)

(eerie instrumental music)

- Whoa.

(eerie instrumental music)

This is too weird.

(growling)

- I, uh, I gotta tell

you somethin', Dale.

This, this is some

really good stuff.

- (chuckles) You

might wanna sit down

before you fall down.

- I'm okay.

(banging)

- [Bonnie] Mr. Henderson!

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