Kummeli Stories Page #2

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-Yeah

Did we come here to

win or lose? -We did

Lampinen, hey?

-Yeah

Go to reserve those

hotel rooms now -

so we can get some sleep.

-Okay. Give money

What money? -Give cash

Take from the sponsor funds.

-Which sponsor fund?

This car is full of stickers.

You have sold advertizing space...

Lampinen, tell me what is sponsoring?

Sponsoring?

-Yes?

It's a kind of modern marketing -

where athlete or someone such -

obtains stickers or fabric brands

Right. I see

Don't say that you have

let the stickers to be -

glued on the car for free!

-No, I sure paid for them

Hey, the main thing is,

that the team works, yes?

I'm going to pee now

After that we'll take

one more tier

Then we all go to

a restaurant to eat lamb

So those boys slept

their night in the car

They didn't mind

That's how they

had done it before

Look at that, I guess

we are last right in the morning

They trusted their

mechanic like stone wall

Because he knew his red Saab

like his own mother

I have had -99 model

But that's different.

-I know that

That mechanic didn't

run out of tricks

I left the keys inside by the way

Wouldn't have needed the second one

If Stefa takes care, it's precise

Let it be

With this the competition

will get fiercer -

because I'm pouring nitro

into the fuel tank, Moisio

Thank you

Yes, this kind of lighter bodywork -

needs a little bit wider tires

50 full speed up

(unclear driving instructions)

50 over hillock

Right fast, 100 down

What? What you said?

(gibberish)

Well this is clear advantage to us

Spare weight away, Stefa leaves

F***, I think

they won't come anymore

No they won't come,

let's take the rag down -

and let's go home

I wonder what yummy my wife

has made from potatoes today?

Oh f***, surely we have

f***ing dill meat again

Wait now, we'll make it

together to the finish line

It's quite a bit the same, are

we doing it together or separate

Stefa takes care, it'll be precise.

-Right

Yea, that is precise

Like that

Oh, hey, coming

So they do

Let's go to watch Cindy Crawford

video at my trailer

I keep myself fit with that

No, no, need no,

we need no team, nor group

No, no, we don't follow Vatanen

Leather suit doesn't squeeze balls,

this is heavenly rally

Now the end is spark plug changing

and messing with the oil

Map reading was shitty job,

never learnt it

Couldn't care less, whole

stepping on the gas pisses me off

Now past is cruising,

devil's gnashing has come to an end

No, no, we need no team, nor group

No, no, we don't follow Vatanen

Leather suit doesn't squeeze balls,

this is heavenly rally

No, no, we need no team, nor group

No, no, we don't follow Vatanen

Leather suit doesn't squeeze balls,

this is heavenly rally

Try and hit the right once in awhile

I guess I have eyes on my head

Yes, two and third in the ass

Boys, come to eat

They are seriously

trying to rush through

We'll make them

quiet down eventually

Alright then, welcome to the

inauguration of the dugout

There's like wedding here or what?

Here's ammo and supplies storage.

-Yea-a

On the left,

naturally next to the door -

gun rack

I laid 1.5 meters of

concrete above -

so it's nice to loll here

I was thinking if

Kari would sleep here

This is stove, don't

burn your ass, it's hot

Whose rario is that?

It is radio.

-So

Alright, here's the holiest

of the holies, the dining area

Ilmo, if you could sleep there -

then I could sleep there

in the corner

This is rather practical -

but quite conventional

This sort of shitty outhouses

these have been for 50 years

But this isn't even ready yet

Or what Esa?

-No

I cooked some whitefish for you

I don't like fish at all

Wife ordered me to say that

I'm allergic to fish

Nevertheless I did it according

to couple city boys' recipe

Naked, naked,

soon everyone are naked,

Naked, naked...

-Very good evening to everyone

And welcome to watch

entertainment show: Naked

For fifth week in a row

in the studio -

brothers Kulkerson Kille and Kalle

And their opponent today -

gentleman who doesn't

pee to his socks: -

mister Jortikka

What made you decide to

take part in this?

I didn't have any idea to come -

but our neighbor Pete Mulkvisti

registered us here

Very nicely done by Pete.

What hobbies you have?

Well, mainly graphics.

-What sort of graphics?

Pornographics

Lovely hobby and now to

the business, a question:

Who was the first person -

who performed naked on screen?

Mister Jortikka has an answer.

-Buster Keaton

Wrong answer, sock off!

I'm embarrassed for them.

-So am I

Noble fish swims drowsily to my net,

fresh salted salmon in my thoughts

Blazed salmon, smoked salmon, salmon,

broiled salmon fins -

and of course, salmon soup

This Pentti Ahvanainen's poem is

certainly about experienced life -

but could it be reality -

also to us ordinary fishermen?

-Surely it can, Timo

Already thousands of fishermen

all over the world trust -

this new invention and now

we got it here in Finland

Catch-a-fish, unbelievable lure,

all fish grasp to it -

in salty as well as in freshwater

He gutting the fish...

-How much is whitefish per kilo?

In blink of an eye Catch-a-fish

prepares a fish meal

Shall we ring?

-Chops wood, fills tax return

My life was changed by Catch-a-fish

Night-frosts

in the bedroom are history

New wife fishes

with Catch-a-fish also

Sure thing. -Can I

order Catch-a-fish from you?

Yes.

-Frankly

Generously. Sixteen

-Twenty

Twenty it is

Here's great sports car

for the boys

We need a car -

that manages a more

challenging circumstances

So, a jeep?

-Yeah

Here we actually have a

unbeatable model

But unfortunately it costs.

-It doesn't matter

This kind of tire spins easily

Not necessarily,

because this has 4-wheel drive

What does it mean?

It means that

all wheels are tensile

Four wheels.

-But is this good?

Not just good,

but this is the best

We take this

And final sum

including accessories -

in cash is 499,499 marks

Thank you

Well then

it's still missing 1000 marks

Thank you

Boys are looking for boat right?

-Yes, for trolling

This is unbeatable,

but surely not the cheapest

Well, it doesn't matter

but is it good?

This is the best.

-We take this

Let's go and find

a proper engine for it

Stop, stop, stop, stop

This here's The engine

Isn't there normally

2 engines on a trolling boat?

Not necessarily. 4-stroke engine

doesn't choke even on low speeds

It's probably cheaper?

-Not necessarily

Well it doesn't matter anything.

Is it good?

This is the best.

-We take this

So then let's go to

look at accessories

499,070

How we get the boat to the shore?

-With a trailer

We take such.

-Okay then

This is missing 1000

It's going to be warm day

I think I'll sunbathe

without shirt

May I wax your back?

-Yes that would be nice

What's that rock pile?

-I don't know

(background song lyrics:)

"I met you on the beach then"

"and soon we were holding hands"

This is how it goes.

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