Kummeli Stories Page #3

---

-Codger

Hey codger,

you think you're getting fish?

This runs pretty sweet.

-This is the best

Sure is

Manu.

-Yes?

We could do some spinning here

Could you drop the anchor?

Well of course we

can do trolling too

Did these cost a lot?

-Sure did

Doesn't matter

Oh damn.

-What?

That Mao Zedung is

catching fish like crazy

Sure is

Oh goddamnit.

-What now?

That's the boat seller.

-Show me

Lumumbas.

-Looks like

How about we will just troll

Last Catch-a-fish

We won't get anything

Hey

What? -It's a fish

Take the net.

-I will, I will

That's it

Pull, pull

Start pulling.

Reel in, reel in

It's a fish. It is big.

-What is it?

Use the net now.

-What is it?

Ui-jui.

-Good, good

Nice.

-Is it roach?

No it's whitefish.

-Whitefish, okay, okay

Drop it there.

-Handsome fish

Hey shall we take glasses of

sherry in the honor of this?

Oh my

Should we kill it?

-No, let it live

It's fun to breathalyze drunkards

we are hepaticas of the roads

We may loosen your plates,

it refreshes us -

if can dry up the licence

Fines, fines,

great fines,

We don't skimp,

we gladly give -

Fines, fines,

fines to everybody,

come and get yours

You seem to have

all kinds of gadgets -

but, I don't see

the most important -

there're no life jackets,

no anchor, no paddle

But soon you got fines. -Ask

do they have fishing licence

Do they have fishing licence?

-No

I guessed that.

-You go and breathalyze them

Sure, I go and breathalyze them

Yes, you got 2.6 per mills together -

so 1.7 per man

So there are quite

generous fines upcoming -

that we will go to count them

while we have a coffee break

Would you give that sherry

bottle from the cooler?

You don't move anywhere

and wait right here

Well then Osku, look at

what came out from oven

Hasn't it gotten a bit smaller?

Things always shrivel a bit

in hot. -My dear

Take gadgets away

This is good looking

Have you thought about

becoming fighter jet pilot?

Look. -By buying this

for 60 billion per piece -

you'll be part of project,

that makes you fighter jet ace

And that's not all -

pilots are traditionally

firm ladies' men

Should we ring?

One.

-Two...

Five.

-Six

Sorry about interrupting the movie -

but our sponsor

has something to say

Och samma p svenska, urskta -

(And same in Swedish, excuse me -)

sponsoren har ngonting att sga

(sponsors have nothing to say)

This is Pastirol-day.

A day that will be remembered

With the income from

that commercial we are able to -

finance the next scene.

Please, var so god (please in Swedish)

Dear viewers -

in every ambitious Finnish movie -

b*obs are shown.

Please

After the end credits

there will be some more b*obs

In hopes that the movie producers

wouldn't be seen as chauvinists -

here's some eye candy for womenfolk

4000 years ago at Hellaa -

young men gathered to compete -

in following sports:

wrestling, discus throwing

and javeling

Women weren't let in to the stadion,

because the athletes were -

naked

No doubt that being at war

is the best action -

that a man can do with

his pants on. -That's true

And ice hockey is another

Our town has a team

called Kangasalan Voitto

It was used to be coached by

rather pricey codger, Esko

I recall when they

went to one memorable game

Dear gentlemen, it's

a new season ahead -

and new gimmicks

We can't let the relegation

to the 6th division -

discourage our minds

Instead for tonight's match -

we go to chest in arc

and victory in mind

Our team has gotten

some foreign reinforcement

From Alaska's farm league

an actual "pencil man" -

mister Begining.

-Hello everybody

Tonight's tactics -

is based on Napoleon's

and Hitler's gambits -

as well as Raattentie battles

We are not going to

attack for nothing -

to the enemy's territory -

but we give the puck for

the enemy at the faceoff

We switch to turtle defence

And when the enemy

approaches our blue line -

the attackers

skate via the wing -

and strike enemy's back

Preferably by cross-checking.

-Listen to coach

In the meanwhile the defenders

hide behind the net -

and reveal themselves to

the enemy when they reach -

our goalie area

If they nevertheless score -

fat-Salonen will be exchanged.

Any questions?

Esko, shall I give you

your own sports drink?

No need to

Hey listen Kalle, don't put more

It's the last tape of the firm

Alright then let's do it

Good luck. Close the wings

Put helmet on, boy

Good spirits

Try to try even

"Raipe" is iron.

No penalties, Summanen

Good ice hockey.

Thank you very much

Let's f***.

-Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey....

Good job dudes,

just catch them

Go to the barbershop tomorrow.

This is our game

Catch him!

You, do something,

I don't pay for nothing

Let's f***.

-Thank you very much

I kill you

Go, go, go

Oh well here we go again

What?

Hey, mister referee

Mister referee! It wasn't my

fault, it was the other guy

You, back.

-Thank you very much

Raipe, do you think should we

put more blade to the lubricant?

Give me the drink.

-Here you go

They have a phone call for me.

-Alright

Is everything alright

with your equipments?

I mean in equipments?

-Yeah, sh*t man

Perfect

Game, game

Sh*t, man

Zero five, who cares.

Finnish boy will still rise

Remember Syvri, Raatteentie

(Winter war battle location)

land Islands war was terrible

Sumppi, you had

your screws loose again

This is now

at it's biggest, try

It's good.

-It is?

Yes.

-Well I guessed that

Raipe, look I rockered

really proper curves for you

You could even shave your beard

F*** the sh*t,

f*** the sh*t, f*** the sh*t

Hey, Alaska, Alaska

No penalties anymore.

-No penaltys, yes

No penalty.

-"Ei jehuje?"

Yes, yes.

-Couch, thank you very much

Be good, good spirits

Mister referee, it was...

Mister referee.

-So calm down then

Don't you see it was a kick goal?

He scored,

I'm going to beat that bloke

Stoneblind owl-referee

It was a kick goal, get it?

Score. -You see anything?

What sign is this?

Spirits are good

Good spirits end now,

get down from there

No tearing.

-Let go

Let go

Here's little bit...

Hey Begining,

that 99 there, kill him

Don't take that now.

-Sure, coach

Let's see how Alaska boy shines

Hey, coach, what you doing, man?

Good looking b*tch you got.

-Yeah. That's my wife

Then what?

-That's my wife

Monkey, you just got beaten up

That's not fair.

-Shut up!

That's not fair.

-Shut up!

You are fired, you're fired

Summanen doesn't go anywhere

You're fired,

you are over-aged anyways

Helminen also

Esko is running so hot -

that it's better

that you go to that direction

Jonna, take a snap?

You can pull until that mark there

Okay then, I take myself

I'm able to do a handstand

Do you want to see? Take a look

Oh honey, please, help me.

-Joanna

Let's go home, back to Arkansas.

-Yeah

Hey, take your b*tch monkey,

and go back to Alaska

Damn. This is starting

to be done for tonight

I'm moving to Pori next year,

to coach Porin Karhut

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes