L.A. Story Page #2

About what you said...

- What?

About sleep, and having a boff.

- Listen, if I say that

sort of thing again,

tie me up and gag me.

We tried that once,

but you started laughing.

Leave off alone, there's a dicker.

You've come all this way.

We really should give it another try.

But I'm happy the way things are.

I'm getting my life sorted out.

I'm so passionate about you. Let me

take you for a hot dog on Sunday.

Your ticket, please.

- It's the cream thingy, there.

It's late. I've got to go.

And she kept her hat on all through

brunch. I'm sure she has bad hair.

You don't know how unattractive

hate is. - Excuse me!

Hello!

Can I ask you a question?

- Sure.

When do people here get up?

It depends. Why?

When can a person start making noise?

- What kind of noise?

Like construction?

- No, like deep sustained booms.

Deep sustained booms...

Around 9 or 9:
15.

Great. Thanks. Bye.

She's used to driving on the left.

I'm sorry. I was... I was just

concentrating on... - I know what.

Do you like those?

- Yes...

Sorry, what?

- Your pants.

Shall I mark them for you?

- I don't know. Are these

the same price as these others?

- A little more.

How do I look in these?

You look... fabulous!

Okay, mark them.

You have to stand up straight,

or they won't be right. - Ok.

Do you like a break in them?

- A little.

Like that?

That's fine.

When's pick-up?

Just about anytime you want.

Wednesday all right?

Yeah, fine.

I'll just slip out of these.

There are two events in my life

that I consider magical,

that couldn't

be explained scientifically.

The first of them was about to happen.

Hi.

Ruok?

Are you okay?

Oh, "Are you okay?" Yeah, I'm fine.

- What?

Who are you?

I can see that.

I'm being filmed, I know.

I'm being filmed.

All right.

- Is this a joke or something?

How am I in trouble?

So, what do I do?

What?

- Oh, do it again!

Well, I'll work on it.

Bye, bye.

The sign spoke to me.

It said I was in trouble.

- If you talked to a sign, you are.

So I'll see you Sunday?

- I got a shower Sunday.

Yeah, I should take a bath. Monday?

Pick me up at 8:
30.

- 8:
30? No one eats at six anymore?

Quiet! Quiet! It's me, quiet!

Will you be quiet!

I don't need a key.

Who's daddy?

An entire block in North Hollywood

had to be evacuated today,

cause of a shower of tennis balls.

It seems the cargo...

Ready.

Mom!

- Say name again.

What a surprise this weekend when

the weather turned unseasonably low.

Here's our wacky weatherman

with a report.

When the weather

dropped down to 58 this weekend,

how did you cope?

We just shut all the windows.

And what about your pets?

The cats were out until around 10:00

but it got too cold and they came in.

The cats were out until 10:00 but

it got too cold and they came in.

That's how L.A. Coped with

that low of 58 that made

the weekend a real weenie shrinker.

Thank you.

And now, the toupee report.

Winds 5 to 10 miles an hour,

gusting to 15 in the late afternoon.

So stay indoors, or wear a hat!

This is Harris K. Telemacher

with the wiggy weekend weather.

Hello, this is Harris.

Please start talking at the beep.

Hello?

- Hello.

Is this a person?

- Yes.

Harris Telemacher?

- Yes.

This is Sara McDowel. We met at lunch?

Yeah, you're the reporter.

- Journalist.

And you're the weatherman.

Meteorologist.

- I just got

your number from Trudi Cowles.

I want to interview you for my piece.

English, French, or Italian?

You speak all those languages?

- No, just English.

Bugger!

Ready.

Dial Mom.

Domino's Pizza, this is Julian...

- Sorry, sorry...

Want some trail mix? Fruit? Cookies?

How do you stay so thin?

Maybe women burn fat faster than men.

That's disguisting.

That's my friend,

smart, pretty, and quite a fat burner.

You're just jealous.

- I don't know.

I couldn't be a woman because

I'd play with my breasts all day.

Where's June? - Upstairs,

recovering from the alcohol.

Want some juice?

- Sure.

Be my taster, it's a new mixture.

This is Ariel.

Hey, what's up?

That's a job for Supergirl.

It's like licking a shag carpet!

I'll bring it down in an hour.

Can we take your car

so I can leave mine for June. - Sure.

Today will be rough. There's coffee.

Hey, Harris. God, was I stupid...

- Have some juice.

I'll make you some eggs.

Can you hold on a sec?

- The Museum is open till five.

I keep busy this way.

I call it performance art,

but Ariel calls it wasting time.

History will decide.

You're on time.

- I'm late. - You're right on time.

But I had planned on being early.

Don't! Stop! Let me pose at least.

Listen, I had this idea,

rather than an...

- Hang on.

Rather than do an interview, which

would be fascinating because of the

interesting words I use,

I'd rather show you around town.

You know,

a kind of cultural tour of L.A.

That's the

first fifteen minutes, then what?

A cynic.

First stop is six blocks.

- Why don't we walk?

Walk?

A walk in L.A.?

Architecture. Some of these buildings

are over 20 years old!

This house is Greek revival. The

Greek owner must be revived every day.

Here's a Tudor mansion.

And a four door mansion.

You're nobody in L.A. Unless

you live in a house with a big door.

Let's go the Museum of Musicology.

Verdi's baton.

Mozart's quill.

Beethoven's balls.

I'll take you to the graveyard.

Lots of famous people

are buried here.

Rocky Marciano, Benny Goodman, and

William Shakespeare.

I think he wrote "Hamlet" Part 8

"The Revenge," here.

Whose grave is this?

Mine.

- No,

who'll be buried here? His name?

It's not a he.

- Ok, she.

Not a woman either.

Used to be a woman, now she's dead.

A funny gravedigger.

Wanna know how long it takes

a body to rot? - Boy, do we!

Well, if they're not already

rotten, 8 or 9 years.

The Beverly Hills women can last 12.

How come? - Their skin is so tanned.

It's all stretched and polished up.

That'll keep the water out,

and water's what ruins a dead body.

And they have them extra parts.

That stuff's not biodegradable.

This bloke's been here 35 years.

Who was he?

The magician, Blunderman.

Not so great now, is he?

I knew him.

He was funny. He taught me magic.

A fellow of infinite jest...

- Yeah. - That's it.

He hath borne me

on his back a thousand times.

She knows, she's got it.

Where be your gibes now?

Your merriment

that would set the table on a roar?

Interesting people usually make me

feel like I have to be interesting.

Am I interesting?

When I'm around you,

I find myself showing off,

which is the

idiot's version of being interesting.

Are you seeing anyone now?

Yeah.

- Me, too. So that's sort of out.

Can I have your friend's head back?

Sure. Sorry.

I should get to work.

- Me, too.

Come back, they all do! Don't they?

What a weekend! We have sun, earth,

and atmosphere, so we have weather!

Not weather, sun, sun, sun, sun, sun!

It will...

My watch! Turn off the magnet!

I've got it!

Okay... Turn off the magnet!

Now, the financial report.

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