L.A. Story Page #3

'89 Mercedes

up 400 dollars at 28,640...

used '88 Mercedes,

unchanged at 26, 100 dollars.

And... cut.

Ok, let's see what we've got.

You'll run that on Saturday?

- Pretaping the weather?

Coming in on weekends is tough.

My busy weekend schedule.

It's L. A, what's gonna change?

There are two reasons

for the detour I was embarking on.

See you tomorrow!

Are you closed?

- Yeah, sorry.

First, I believed the relationship

with Sara was impossible.

The second reason was,

I was a big dumb male.

I came to pick up pants.

You sold me some pants and a tie.

I remember. You wanna pick them up?

- Yeah.

I can get them. - I wouldn't have to

come back. - That wouldn't be so bad.

I don't have my ticket.

I remember what they look like.

I'll be right back.

I'm getting all wet.

I'll be right back.

They're not ready yet.

We'll call you. What's the number?

I'll write it.

You got paper?

Ok, we'll call you when they're ready.

Expecting a call?

Were you shocked?

- Shocked but glad.

I could tell you wanted my number,

so I just asked for yours.

I didn't know, until it was too late.

I went to this psychic once,

and he told me I had

this special fifth sense about things.

About guys?

Any guy would want your number.

- That's sweet.

Weather guy!

How you doing?

I'm nervous here.

You're not doing anything wrong.

You must have a boyfriend?

- He doesn't care. He can't care.

He gave me this big speech,

how even though we live together,

we should be able

to see other people. I said ok, but

it backfires on him sometimes.

Where is he now?

He's at the bar.

What?

This was his idea.

This is him!

Do you want my number?

No, no! That would be a disaster.

Then I might call you.

It's 5-5-5-2-3-1-2. Say it back!

- No, I don't want to know it.

5-5-5-2...

- Stop it! You'll make me memorize it!

5-5-5...

2-3-1-2.

- Geez, now I know it. 5-5-5...

2-3-1-2.

Your name again?

It's nice

but everybody has weird names now,

like Tiffany with p-h-i,

and instead of Nancy it's Nanceen.

Big S and D, two E's, second one big.

- What?

S-a-n-D-e-E. And a star at the end.

I called you when I got out of class.

What class are you taking?

- For spokesmodeling.

What is a spokesmodel?

- Just a model

who speaks, and she

points at things like merchandise,

like a car or washer and dryer,

or a book or fine art prints.

They have classes for that?

- It's harder than it looks.

I'll be your robber today.

- How are you? - How long is class?

About three hours.

- What made you want to do that?

Well, I always like pointing.

So, why won't you sleep with me?

- With my ex-husband?

It happens all the time.

It might be just like it was.

- That would be terrible.

Come on, we're a perfect match.

- Because our mothers hunt together?

For God's sake,

your mother shot my mother!

Someone fell, it was an accident.

You're the only normal one,

and you're barely hanging on.

Remember when your mom found out

whose dog was crapping in front of

your house and she put their name

on paper in the center of the pile?

These are not things grown-ups do!

I'm the only sane thing in your life.

Yes, possibly.

- I want you back.

I'll cook and sew for you.

Just give me one weekend.

We can see how it is.

Will you come?

I went roller skating once

at the Brooklyn Rollerdome.

It was awful.

I was completely out of control.

I went slamming into this 8-foot tall

black guy in a green satin jump suit.

I said, "I'm sorry, could you

help me?" And he looked at me

with stoned eyes and said: "Let your

mind go and your body will follow."

Well, how was that?

It was very nice, thanks.

I hope I wasn't too young in my

thinking for you. - What? - Joke.

I don't pressure you, do I?

- No. I don't pressure you, do I?

No, there shouldn't be any.

- Tell me if I do.

Ok, and you tell me if I do.

You ever had a high colonic?

Pardon me?

- A high colonic.

You mean an enema?

- Yeah.

Is this a joke?

They're great. They purify you.

They do it in a place in Santa Monica.

They're great.

Is this where you live?

- Yeah, here.

It's really groovy.

Well...

Good night.

Good night.

Take me off that speakerphone!

- Relax.

It's just a modern day device.

- I have to see you.

You were out last night?

- Yeah.

There was no shower?

- I didn't go at the last minute.

Having sex with my agent. I told you

a thousand... - How did you know?

I was right? I was right?

I was making a bad joke.

My agent, Frank?

And this is how I find out?

You tell me?

- We just decided I should tell you.

I thought he only took ten percent.

- We were here.

Then...

- After he made love to you, what?

We went to the Hard Rock Cafe.

What time?

I don't know... 11:00 or 11:30.

I felt I had to tell you

in case anyone saw us there.

It was a dumb thing to do.

How long has this gone on?

Three years.

- Three years! - I'm sorry.

This has gone on since the 80's?

I'm sorry.

I just can't be here right now.

I'm out of my relationship,

I'm out of the agency!

And I only looked

like a fool for 3 years!

Now, if I could get out of weather.

Will you stop predicting things!

Have you always been a freeway sign?

Or did you start as a stop sign

and work your way up from there?

I BELI EVE I USED TO BE A BAGPI PE

Oh, alright.

- Would you stop predicting then?

- Yes.

So I pretape the weather

and some sailors lost their boats.

Big deal! Besides, what kind of

a**hole sailor would trust the

wacky weatherman anyway? - This one.

You lost your boat?

- Yes.

You're fired.

I never want to see you.

I said I never want to see you.

You're fired.

The weather

will change your life, twice.

That's once.

You and Trudy broke up?

I knew your relationship was a "two."

If love is ruining your day,

it's always good to

ruin your best friend's day, too.

Trudi wasn't for me. The only fun

we had was sex and watching TV.

Good turn.

- I hate to say this,

but if sex and watching

TV are fun, you really got something.

- What happened to my plant?

Is anybody else out there?

There is, but it's impossible.

- Does she like you?

I don't know.

Just call this Sandy girl.

At least you could take her out.

Thanks a lot, it was great!

What do you think?

I think it was a total washout.

- It really clears out your head.

Head? You should go back in there

and tell them they're doing it wrong.

It was a great lunch and enema.

You gonna see me again?

- Sure, if you want to.

When?

- Friday. Friday okay?

Yeah.

- Where do you wanna go?

There's this new restaurant...

..."L'ldiot." - I've heard of that.

"L'ldiot," you and me on Friday.

Hello, "L'ldiot..."

Reservation for two for Friday.

Saturday?

Sunday? Good... 8:30?

5:
30 or 10:30?

Um, 5:
30.

Visa.

I'm a weatherman.

Yes, I'm on TV.

Renting.

I just sold a condo!

Yes, in this soft market!

That's none of your business.

In the low fifties.

I can meet you at 3:00.

I have Visa and Mastercard.

They all have both.

Mr. Pardeau is looking for

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