Laerte-se Page #2

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I still haven't decided what I want there.

Everything is still temporary.

It is an eternal temporary.

Sort of exposed.

Exposed wires, the baseboard...

The baseboard is falling to pieces

and I still haven't sorted it out.

I will end up doing it at some point.

We don't always

do things logically, do we?

From my son's death to 2009,

when I decided, "Enough, I will become

a woman. I will start this journey",

different things happened.

WE DON'T NEED TO FORGE THE FACE WE ONCE HAD (HERE IN 2016)

Growing my beard, radically changing

my work, abandoning the characters.

I say abandoning

because it is just a way of saying it.

I left aside making use of characters.

I left aside using

the construction of comical discourse

the way I used to.

I went through all of these things.

But I had already started investigating

myself as a transgender person.

And I stopped.

And at this point,

some sort of bell rang inside of me,

when Diogo died.

And I thought it was... I don't know.

I asked myself several times,

why did this sound inadequate to me?

Why wasn't messing with my work

in a way that was absolutely shameless

considered inadequate

but this thing was?

This was...

I keep thinking about these things.

I REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE A KID,

PLAYING VIDEOGAMES

AND EXPLAINING ALL THE GAMES,

THE LEVELS, THE OBJECTIVES...

I ASKED YOU - WHAT IF A GAME

DOES NOT HAVE AN OBJECTIVE?

YOU SAID:

EVERY GAME HAS AN OBJECTIVE!

TRUE.

BUT, MAYBE,

NOT EVERYTHING IS A GAME.

Diogo's death was a trigger for this.

It is kind of horrible to say this,

death as a trigger.

But what does death leave us, really?

For Diogo, it means everything.

For Diogo, it meant everything.

It is a sort of self-fulfilling subject.

What about those who stay here?

IF IT IS, I THINK THIS IS THE END OF ONE.

-IS THIS REALLY WHAT YOU THINK?

-YES.

BUT IT'S WEIRD THAT WE'RE HERE,

TALKING AS USUAL,

-AND NOT HUGGING, FOR EXAMPLE.

-DAD...

IT IS NOT LIKE A SPIRITIST FILM.

DEATH DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING.

EVERYTHING IS EXACTLY THE SAME.

I CHANGED A BIT WHEN YOU DIED.

THAT'S GOOD...

We are no longer

negotiating only with him.

We are negotiating with ourselves.

What makes sense,

what doesn't make sense anymore...

I see this moment

as a lifting the veils moment.

Hugo is now Muriel.

YEAH, FOLKS...

UNDER THIS DRESS THERE IS

A PROSTATE PULSING, JUST LIKE YOURS...

As a tribute to the fact

that this character was my forerunner

because he showed up dressed as Muriel.

He was not Muriel yet.

And I got an email from a friend, saying:

WHAT?

SOMETIMES A GUY NEEDS TO DRESS UP!

"Listen, this is too obvious."

"Your petticoat is showing", you know?

"Your desire is showing."

A... A... A...

ATCHOO!

MURIEL FLU:

ONE SNEEZE AND IT DRESSES YOU UP!

He rarely comes out as Hugo now.

-But was it jointly with your...

-It was jointly with me.

When I also became the female Laerte,

he also became Muriel.

TIME TO TRAVEL.

IS MURIEL STAYING OR GOING?

GOING.

I decided to completely change

the things I was doing in 2004.

The paths I was trying out,

they were sort of

in the "obedient boy" arena.

I tried it, because I was a talented kid,

but I didn't go beyond trying,

because I was obedient.

I left it in the trial field.

In a way, I started becoming this

autonomous woman at that moment too,

regarding my work.

I decided to stop

tapping and digging and did it at once.

DO YOU WANT TO BUY AN ENCYCLOPAEDIA?

Where did I end up?

GREAT PRIZE IN THE RECYCLED IDEAS

INTERNATIONAL FAIR

I ended up in creative processes

before I was a professional.

Before I entered the professional field.

And then,

while doing this type of production,

I started to understand

something that I already understood.

I understood it in my flesh.

That professionalization

in creation works, expression works,

in the construction

of small cages and limits.

Also...

It is possible that this movement

in itself has taken so much of my energy

that I wouldn't stand doing anything else.

That is possible. I think about this too.

So much so that, after a while...

okay, it had been four years, but...

But that's a while.

After a while, I could not stand myself.

I said:
"I will go now. I need to go now."

WELL, GOODBYE, THEN.

I AM GOING OUT!

DRESSED UP?

NO, I'M GOING AS HUGO...

I'M GIVING MURIEL A REST.

-OR SHE'LL COME TO LIFE!

-HA! HA! HA!

I'LL PRETEND I DIDN'T SEE THIS...

The first outfit

that I wore was something

I actually got rid of.

It was the fact

that I removed my body hair.

The first impact of this change,

more than wearing female underwear

and seeing it in the mirror,

because I had already done that.

But when I was lying there

being waxed,

I saw parts of me appearing.

"Wow, my leg!"

Wow! You know? That was the prelude.

What did you see in this mirror?

It was a different person.

And I wanted to see me as a whole.

And then, when I saw myself,

I couldn't believe it.

-I was jumping, like this.

-Were you?

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE MOS ABOUT DRESSING UP?

FEELING THE LIGHTNESS

AND JOY OF BEING A WOMAN!

WHAT ABOUT YOU, HUGO?

I LOVE THE MASCARA MARK

THE TEAR LEAVES BEHIND!

YEAH, THAT'S AWESOME!

This is something

that I think is tightly linked

to my phase

of invading the feminine world.

And it brought me freshness,

it is clearly a novelty to me.

And it became a means of expression.

I am no longer dressing myself

simply to not be naked.

This "masculine mode" of presenting

oneself is falsely unpretentious.

It is pretentious. Of course it is.

All of the modes are.

But it's unconscious,

maybe it is typical of a human category

who thinks, who is always in power?

Men.

"The world is mine,

I will go out however I like."

There is something about this point.

Women don't feel that.

They are not in their own world,

they are in men's world,

so they need to be careful,

they need to be conscious.

"How do I look?"

Hang in there, buddy.

You will see Mr Larcio screaming.

-Here, son...

-Oh, dear.

Hang in there.

He suffers a lot in my hands, you see.

-Do you think I give him a break?

-But don't do it just to show off.

No... Here, look.

Do you think this is me showing off?

Can I leave something like this

inside you?

I am protecting you.

I am protecting you, dear.

-Don't poke me just to make me scream.

-No.

- Do you want to see him scream?

-Yeah.

I know...

No, my friend,

I will never do that to you.

You are my friend, my brother, I told you.

She does not call me a woman,

there is no way.

-I have tried explaining it to her.

-My friend Lartia. There you go.

-She introduces me as her "big bro".

- My "big bro".

So I started thinking,

do I really want to change my name?

And I came to the conclusion that I don't.

I really like my name, Laerte.

Then I found out

there is a Mrs Laerte Soares,

who was first lady of So Bernardo.

That was, to me...

It was decisive.

There is a woman named Laerte.

-DON'T CALL ME HUGO, OKAY? I AM MURIEL.

-SINCE WHEN?

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