Laggies Page #6

But if you had stayed home that night,

then the stories wouldn't

have made sense to you.

You wouldn't have been a part

of everything that night meant.

And I just think now that we're

adults, our lives are that times 10.

What are you saying?

I'm saying that I'm not going to

mess things up for you. Just...

Don't mess them up for yourself.

All right. What was that all about?

Oh, she just had a message to give me.

Um, I need to get a baby gift.

Hey.

Where you two been?

Um...

Megan took me to get some new bras.

Oh.

How was that? Was that fun?

Fun?

I'm gonna go and lie down

for a while. All right.

Um, Misty is gonna come

over and have a sleepover

'cause we have no school tomorrow.

No school, why is that?

Yeah, it's a staff development day.

Okay, well, keep Misty

away from our valuables.

I was joking. That was a joke.

Yeah. I know.

- Goodbye.

- Want some poppy snaps?

I totally forgot about this guy.

Oh, my God. Herschel

Thrasher. What was his mom on?

You really don't have a chance in

life if your mom wears a belly chain.

Look at Tiffany

Wilmington with her real teeth.

on, my God.

Who is she dating now?

Uh, Kyle Stempano, I

think. Is that right?

I really wouldn't know.

- I'm gonna go get some snacks, okay?

- Okay.

- Bye.

- Later.

- Peace!

- Peace!

- Hey.

- Hey.

- Come in.

- Yeah?

Thanks for knocking.

It's okay. Thought I'd be polite.

- Them's the rules.

- Mmm.

Can I complain to you?

Sure, go ahead.

I'm so f***ing stressed out

right now, all I want is a drink.

I went for the box wine in the fridge,

and it's funny how much that

vintage tastes like tap water.

Yeah, you know, I'm, yeah. The box

stuff really is never very good.

Ah.

So, what are you working on?

A letter to opposing counsel.

During mediation my client agreed

to give back two of her

handguns to her husband,

and now she's decided they

were anniversary gifts to her.

Wow. That's romantic.

Are you gonna win?

I hope so because

it would kill me to see a

mother separated from her guns.

Hey, um...

- No, never mind.

- What?

You want to come get a drink with me?

- Now?

- Yeah.

Well, I'm supposed to be in

the middle of a sleepover.

Oh, they're like little

animals. They're like gerbils.

They have next to no sense of time.

Aren't you leaving soon?

- Yeah.

- One pop.

Careful.

Okay, we gotta hurry.

Don't slip.

Thank you.

- Hey.

- Hey.

Anybody here? All right.

- Waitress won't give it to 'em.

- Right.

So he says, um...

- Hey.

- Hey, how you doing?

Just about closing.

Oh, well, that's perfect for our

needs. We just want a round of shots.

Bourbon.

Bourbon. Hey.

- Wow. Like your style.

- Thank you.

Bourbon in a Mexican restaurant.

- Can I get a Pacifico?

- Of course.

Uh, I think doing cheers is cheesy,

so if you need to touch

glass to glass, use my watch.

So do I.

Mmm.

You have time for another?

- Yes.

- Yeah.

Thank you.

Twist my arm.

So, uh, what's up with that Junior kid?

Is my daughter in love

with that Rico Suave kid?

Whoa, that's friend-friend privilege.

Can't talk about that.

Not much going on between the

ears on that one, is there?

Oh, you know, at the moment,

she doesn't need him to be smart.

Thank you.

Yeah, I guess it's

easier when you're young.

All you need from someone is

to feel stupid around them.

What do you need when you're older?

You need to feel like you're on

the same side of what seems stupid.

Oh.

- You really like hanging outwith her, huh?

- Yeah.

You genuinely like hanging out with her?

I genuinely think she's really cool.

Huh.

You know, good for her. I like that kid.

I do, I do. I love her.

Good.

I'm a little hard on her. Maybe I

haven't been giving her enough credit.

She's a good kid.

At least she didn't end

up paying attention to me.

You know. Could be worse.

I can't go back and fix my

own f***ed up head but...

She doesn't have to

- get bitter in the first place, does she?

- No.

I think we need another drink.

- Let's have a drink.

- Let's have a drink.

- No cheers.

- No cheers.

Right?

You know, so, monks and priests, right?

They say they get

their calling from God.

But that means that it

was from something outside.

It wasn't from something inside, right?

And everybody thinks

that that's just great.

- Yeah.

- Right?

What the f***, right?

Sorry, guys.

You're gonna have to close your tab out.

- Going home.

Aw, man.

I... I...

This is your coat. So

I don't have any money.

No, no, no. My responsibility.

- Okay, good.

- I dragged you out.

Put your money away.

- Here, it's on me.

- It's on... It's on you.

It's on Blockbuster. Gosh darn it.

- That was fun.

- Yeah.

Yeah, I just... I just wanna...

I just wanna say thank you for...

- For what?

- For letting me stay.

Well, I loved having you, you know.

You're good people.

And uh...

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait,

wait... Wait, wait, wait.

I just... I just, uh...

I don't think we should

finger-bang in the street.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- You know?

- Of course.

No, no, no, no, no. We should

go to my... The house.

House, yeah, yeah, the house.

Well, maybe we take

Annika's tee-shirt off.

- Yeah.

- Maybe that's a little creepy.

Yeah.

Yeah. That's hot.

Yeah, I'm just wearing, like, a little

tee shirt with, like, crotchless panties.

Who's she talking to?

Our math teacher.

Does he know it's her?

- No.

- Okay, good.

I'm just gonna... I'm just

gonna brush my teeth, okay?

Yeah, yeah, you're good.

- Hey.

- Hey.

Hey.

Got a headache?

Yeah.

This is an old hangover cure

from college. You want one?

Yeah.

It's very scientific.

I'm not messing around.

No.

You know...

You can stay here a little

longer if you need to.

Yeah, you know, I've gotta

get back into my new place.

So...

Okay.

All right. I'm calling

Patrick and Junior again.

Laggies.

Do I have something on my face?

Yeah. My dad's saliva.

- Oh, sh*t.

- Yeah.

How about that?

I think you're pretty but...

That's my dad.

I... Oh, God, I... Annika, I...

I don't know what happened,

you know. I mean...

I was thinking the whole time

like, "What are you doing, Megan?"

No, no, no, no. I really

don't need details.

Look, I've had a couple

of hours to think about it.

And I just keep thinking

about how lonely he's been.

You know, and how hard he's

been trying with me lately.

And as much sh*t I talk about him...

I love him.

You know, and I want him to be happy.

And I want you to be happy.

You know, so if you two

are happy together, then...

It might be kind of cool.

And obviously, he can't come

with us when we go out. But...

You know, if he wanted to take

you to the movies, or whatever,

I've decided not to

lose my sh*t over it.

Annika, I don't think that dating

is in the future for your dad and me.

Did I just hear you're

boning Mr. Hunter?

No, it's not like that.

Ew. Gross.

Yo, finally.

F***ing drop it already, I'm here, okay?

Oh, bad mood.

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