Lake Placid vs. Anaconda Page #2

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- What do you mean?

- They got out.

What do you mean, "They got out"?

They're loose.

- Get to my office immediately.

- Roger that.

Whose fault is that?

I ain't taking the fall

for what went on out there.

I'm not asking you

to take the fall, Mr. Beach.

But you will help me get them back.

Wait, I'm gonna what?

Those snakes are a very rare,

very endangered species.

They are monsters, is what they are.

Yes. Well, they also represent

billions of dollars to this company.

Have you ever heard of the Blood Orchid?

Can't say I have.

It's a tropical species.

Very rare.

My father discovered

that the orchid extract,

when mixed with the particular secretions

of a molting giant anaconda

created a compound

capable of regenerating cells.

Cell regeneration?

I'm talking about biological immortality,

Mr. Beach.

Imagine what people would be

willing to pay to live forever.

Anything.

But there was a problem.

A protein bond triggers

cell regeneration in reptiles.

Unfortunately, it doesn't work

the same way in humans.

So, how does it work?

It becomes lethally toxic.

Do I still have your attention?

Absolutely.

Before he died,

my father found a solution

but it required creating a hybrid.

And with that

you get your fountain of youth?

Unfortunately,

the only compatible reptile on Earth

is as rare as the orchid itself.

A species of crocodile.

Enormous, aggressive.

And they can only be found

one place on Earth.

Yeah, I know. I fought with one.

Gather your men, Mr. Beach.

We're going back there.

We're gonna find that snake

before she lays her eggs

or someone or something

gets to her first.

I need those baby crocacondas alive.

You're listening to Monster Rock on Q95.

You're listening to Monster Rock on Q95.

There's no way you got 2,200

on your SATs.

I did. I swear. I'm, like, a genius.

No. Actually, you're like, terrifying.

- It's so wrong.

- Whatever.

I only got, like, 1,900.

And somehow they still let you

into vocational school.

What about you?

What'd you get on your SATs?

Right around 2,350.

- What?

- What? You're full of it.

Hey, hey, hey. Don't hate.

Yeah.

Goody, it's Tiff!

Hey, big sister.

Put me on speaker.

Everybody needs to hear this.

Okay, b*tches,

it's time to put down your phones

and that copy of Girl Mag

and listen the hell up.

My phone.

The b*tch can't talk right now.

Are you slow?

Slow?

No, no, I'm seriously asking

if you're stupid.

Like, mentally challenged?

Because I need to know

what I'm dealing with.

I mean, seriously,

what the hell do you think this is?

What I see in front of me

are a bunch of stupid little girls

who think they have what it takes

to become Delta Phi Beta sisters.

And I can tell you right now, they...

- Are wrong!

- Are wrong!

You are some sorry-ass losers.

If you want to get in,

you're gonna have to prove yourselves.

I thought I had lost you,

my little friend.

Are you calling your boyfriend?

What's his name? Maybe I know him.

Since when did you ever need to know

a guy's name before you do him?

Whatever.

This is Tully.

Hey, Dad.

Hey, sweetie, how are you doing?

What ya doing?

I just stopped by the house real quick

to try and grab a quick snack.

You miss me yet?

Of course I miss you, honey.

I mean, you're off at college

and then I'm here all alone.

I think they call it

empty nest syndrome.

Shut up, you probably

already turned my room

into a man cave or something.

Yes, indeed,

I just hung a flat screen up in there.

Got it all cleaned up.

Put a La-Z-Boy in there.

I got a little mini fridge.

I am set for football season.

You have no idea.

That sounds great. All you need now

is a dog to lay by your feet.

I would love that.

So, what's up, babe?

Just keeping to our agreement.

Checking in.

Thought I'd let you know

that I'm going to

rush weekend with the sorority girls.

Right, I completely forgot about that.

Where you guys going?

We're going up to Clear Lake.

You don't have to worry.

Just do me a favor and just let me know

when you're heading

back to the dorms, okay?

Okay.

All right. I love you.

I love you, too.

- Goodbye.

- Bye.

I'm hungry.

I'm gonna go back to the truck

and get a snack.

Hey. Bring me some Cheez Doodles.

Okay, Dad.

Anything but crocodiles.

Please let it be anything but crocodiles.

What the hell is going on here?

Well,

yeah, the forensics

are still going over it.

But it could be arson.

Arson?

Does this look like arson

to you, Ferguson?

Maybe not.

Find any bodies? Daphne Mailer, maybe?

Well, we have one...

- Ferguson, just a little personal space here.

- Sorry.

We have one partial set

of human remains.

What isn't still attached

is probably inside the...

- You know...

- The crocodile?

You can say it, Ferguson,

just not too loudly.

Well, while we're here,

we might as well be sure.

Cut him open.

I'm not really good with,

with sharp things.

But I can get you a set of gloves.

No, no, that's okay.

My hands have been in

some pretty nasty places.

Okay, bag those up. Get me some DNA.

I want to make sure that

they don't match our missing person.

Yes, ma'am.

Hello, everyone.

- Hey, Mayor.

- Nice to see you, Bob.

- How's the game going?

- Good, sir.

Working on the handicap?

- You got it.

- Good boy.

What the hell is going on here?

I heard the call on the scanner

in my office.

Okay, I have it under control.

You call that under control?

I don't call this under control.

And you're gonna call Fish and Wildlife

before anybody gets

what's going on around here.

I don't have to tell you that

November's just around the corner

and my ass is on the line.

Just take care of it.

All right, everybody,

the mayor is leaving. See you later!

- Bob, take care. Remember, Sunday picnic.

- Yep.

- Bring the kids.

- You have a good day, too.

- I'll be there, sir.

- Keep up the good work, everyone.

All right.

Sweetie, two times in one day?

I do have unlimited minutes.

Sweetie? Do I know you?

I am really sorry.

You know what?

I thought you were my daughter.

Could be. My mom dated a lot of guys.

What?

This is the Aroostook County sheriff.

Am I speaking with

Will Tull, Fish and Wildlife?

Yes, this is Will Tull.

My friends call me Tully.

Well, Tully, I'm Reba

and I don't have any friends,

so you can call me Reba.

Yes, I'm familiar with who you are.

I think I'll stick with Sheriff for now.

How much do you know about crocodiles?

- Did you get another tattoo?

- I totally did.

- Let me see.

- I had to.

- Oh, my gosh.

- It's just small.

- I didn't want anything really big.

- This is really good.

What do you think this is? A vacation?

You are all useless.

All right, b*tches, on the line!

Get on the line right now!

That's better.

I happen to know

that none of my DPB sisters

or brothers at Kappa Tau Pi

are gonna want anything to do

with any of you

if you all suck.

And right now, you do.

That's it, you're out.

You didn't make it. Come on. Leave!

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