Land Ho! Page #7

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And then she found love.

That's what it's all about.

- Yeah, that's Hollywood.

- Hollywood.

My Aunt Jenny used to make

lists of everything like that.

Her recipes, her favorite

movies, her movie stars...

all those kind of things, you know?

Did she make a

"favorite nephews" list?

Oh, come on, you horse's ass.

I know she loved me.

Because, you know, we played

tennis two or three times a week.

- Do you ever watch any tennis?

- No, not much.

Well, there was this guy named Nadal.

He's a professional player.

Spanish guy.

Good-looking guy,

that's why the broads like him.

I like him because he's

a good tennis player.

But he's got this damn bad habit,

which has become a trademark...

where he's all the time

digging in his ass...

like he's got goats in his garden.

Picking his wedgie.

Picking his wedgie.

Picking his wedgie.

Damn, that looks like the

Mississippi River, buddy.

- Oh, boy.

- Can't really see how deep it is...

- ...out there in the middle.

- Yeah.

- What do you think?

- I don't know.

You think this thing will make it

through that deep water or not?

Well, it's built for it, man.

- I think.

- Yeah.

How about if we wade out in the

middle and see how deep it is?

You think?

I'll do it. All right?

You get the car nice and

toasty, and I will do it.

- All right, boy, you got it.

- All right.

Oh, my. Oh, my goodness.

I thought you was gonna

get a shower out there.

Shut up.

That solves that problem.

Yeah.

Right-o.

Oh, here we go again.

- Yeah, it's just water.

- Hey!

Oh, yeah.

- Just like the old days, buddy.

- Yeah, yeah.

Hey, there.

- Hey, there, neighbor.

- Howdy, neighbor.

- Mitch.

- Nadine.

Nice meeting you, Nadine.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Colin. Good to meet you.

- Hi, Colin.

- Yeah, nice meeting you too.

- You're American?

No, I'm Canadian, thank you.

Hey, John Candy,

my favorite Canadian.

- What province?

- That's... Good actor.

I'm from Ontario.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.

- Nice.

- Yeah. Beautiful.

- You hiking?

- Yeah.

I'm hiking. Came on

vacation to just do...

You know, take pictures

and just check things out.

- Yeah.

- Cool.

Okay. Well, I'm gonna head off.

And I will see you guys later.

We'll catch you later.

Maybe have a drink...

- ...or a smoke.

- Okay.

- Sounds like a good plan.

- Be safe.

Wonder if she knows what

you mean by "smoke."

I got a big surprise for you, buddy.

- I got a big surprise for you, buddy.

- You got a surprise for me?

- I have a surprise for you.

- What's your surprise?

- I'm not telling you. You tell me yours.

- No, you tell me yours first.

- Where are we?

- Iceland.

What can you buy in Iceland

you can't buy in the U.S.?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Cuban cigars.

- Cuban cigars.

- Yes.

What's your surprise?

Way to go.

- Pretty good.

- Oh, yeah.

- Oh, look at that.

- That'll do.

- Your favorite, baby.

- I'm gonna grab these.

- Careful. Don't burn yourself.

- No, I'll be fine.

I got something I need to tell you...

and I hope you won't

hold it against me.

Hope you don't think any less of me.

But I gotta get it off my chest.

Truth is, I been retired

for six months.

Really?

Yeah. Six months.

What happened, man?

Well...

the short version...

is I actually had two choices.

I could get fired...

or take the retirement plan...

which is being put out to pasture.

And I chose put out to pasture,

so they gave me a good retirement deal.

But you know how I am.

I worked my whole life, you know.

Always had something to do.

Now I don't have a

shitting thing to do.

And I realized...

that, hell, this damn trip is for me.

And I hope you'll forgive

me for lying to you...

and keeping these things from you...

and actually tricking you into

coming on this trip, you know?

It's a pretty lousy thing to do.

Really, Mitch.

- I know.

- Buy tickets to Iceland...

drive through the country,

stay at hotels...

eat good food, I mean,

that is really low.

Man. We're still alive, eh?

I'm not dead yet.

Not dead yet.

Steve McQueen.

That's a Steve McQueen movie.

Yeah, that's what it was.

Nadine, you sure this wouldn't be

better with, like, us not here...

and just the mountain

and the stream, and...?

Believe me, you guys make the shot.

Just don't pay attention to me.

Just keep relaxing.

Speaking of shot, it'd be nice to

have a couple of shots right now.

- She's worked us out.

- Yeah, I know.

Okay, look at me.

- I got you.

- Oh, come on. That was perfect.

- All right, you like that, huh?

- You're not getting it.

- Great.

- Hey, you think this picture's gonna...

When we go to Paris, this picture's gonna

be in a prominent place in the Louvre?

Okay? Or you think it's gonna be in a

fold-out on Playgirl magazine, baby?

You're gonna be right next

to the Mona Lisa, baby.

We look at you,

or look at the camera?

- Okay, look at me.

- Under Mona Lisa or over Mona Lisa?

Okay, come on. Behave.

No, can't do that.

- Okay.

- Thank you.

It's a pleasure.

Okay.

How about the Caddyshack?

Here comes the... The Baby

Ruth candy bar, baby.

Don't eat it, okay?

Just remember, okay?

Again?

- Look at me.

- Look at you.

We can look at you, honey. Anytime.

It's absolutely amazing in here.

Not bad at all.

Invigorating.

Have you always been a photographer?

On and off since college.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- Is that it? Anything else?

- Well, actually, I work in a bank.

I studied photography

in school, but I mean...

- ...I've gotta make a living.

- I used to be a branch manager.

- You're kidding?

- Yeah.

- That's what I am.

- Deadly serious.

- Okay.

- Welcome to Iceland.

Oh, well, thank you.

This must be where all

the bank managers come.

Exactly.

Yeah, but he was a great

French horn player.

He was the Al Hirt of French

horns, if you like jazz...

and he's the Beethoven of the

French horn, if you like classical.

I can see that. You have that

musician's air about you.

- It's... Really?

- Yeah.

Must be what I'm wearing.

- So you do play something?

- No.

- No?

- No, nothing at all.

- You sing?

- No.

Terrible.

- Okay.

- Absolutely terrible.

I... Yeah, I went to karaoke

a few months ago...

and I slaughtered the song

"Gypsy" by Fleetwood Mac.

- It's a good song.

- Not the way I sing it.

That's a shame.

It is.

- Dear.

- I do a great Bonnie Raitt karaoke.

I always forget the words.

That's why they have

them on the screen.

Yeah, but if you're too

loaded to read them...

Yeah, well, I forgot about that.

Think I'm gonna cut out on you guys.

I think I need a little doob-ification,

if you know what I mean.

- Okay.

- Okay.

Little doob-ification.

Are both of you going?

No. No, I'll stay.

- Oh, okay.

- Yeah.

Why not?

Yeah, sounds good.

I look like a wrinkled prune.

I'd hate you to see that.

I'm gonna wait till

it gets dark, okay.

Peter O'Toole, Steve Guttenberg,

and Jennifer Tilly.

- You don't have a clue, do you?

- No I haven't... I have no idea.

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