Larry Gaye: Renegade Male Flight Attendant Page #2

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that stuff at the training academy.

Yeah, that's why I never

listen to what they teach.

I make my own rules,

then I break 'em.

But if they're your own rules,

why do you have to break 'em?

- Well, I...

- Wouldn't it be easier

to make up different rules

that you didn't have to break?

- Not necessarily. -Or to not

make up any rules at all.

The point is, I'm a renegade.

Wait a minute.

You're Larry Gaye!

My first day and I get to fly

- with Larry Gaye?

- So cool.

My God, the stories, the women.

- Six Golden Coffee Pots!

You're a legend.

Relax. Look.

I know this may come as a shock,

but I'm just a human being.

I mean, if you cut me, I bleed.

If you pinch me, I cry.

If you pull my hair,

I scream like a little girl.

If you back an SUV

over my bare feet,

I'd likely go into shock.

The pain is so intense.

If you eliminate vitamins

B and D from my diet,

my skin turns a shade of taupe

you've never seen.

I can't breathe.

Hello.

Carry on, please.

You're looking at

the new Flightpal 200

made by Techtronics Industries.

Now, for a fraction of the

cost of a flight attendant,

we can have

every one of our planes

fully manned by Flightpals

within one year.

Excuse me, Miss McCoy.

The reputation of this airline

is built on service.

How do you know

that the Flightpal 200

is better

than our flight attendants?

That's a great question.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the President and Founder

of Techtronics Industries,

Bob Techtronics.

Folks, I wouldn't expect you to

just sign on the dotted line.

I only ask for the opportunity

to prove to you

that the Flightpal can

outperform an error-prone human.

And how do you plan

on doing that?

By letting Sally here

go up against your best

in a challenge

of flight attendant skills.

- That sounds fair, doesn't it?

- Absolutely. Let's set it up.

If it works, it could be a financial

lifesaver for the entire company.

Thank you so much, Mr. T.

Sally, we'll talk.

If you remove

the vestibular system from my inner

ear, I have difficulty balancing.

If you take a croquet mallet,

coat it with shards of glass

- and swing it directly at my testes...

- Okay, you're human!

- You made your point.

- I think I've made my point.

Well, look who it is.

Bryce. Felder.

That's "Captain" to you.

Sorry, Crapton Bryce.

How you feeling today, Gaye?

Are you getting sleepier?

Oh, snap!

It's ancient history, Nathan,

like the Romanian Empire.

- But...

- I said,

ancient history.

- Okay. Got it.

Uh...

Ladies and gentlemen,

Captain Bryce here.

Just wanted to speak

as your pilot

and not

a lowly flight attendant,

and say it's great

to be piloting this plane

because I'm a pilot

who passed through

the pilot training academy

and became a pilot.

These big union meetings

tend to drag

like a turtle's nut sack,

am I right?

Excuse me?

Show some respect.

What's that?

Actually, I find them

interesting and informative.

Uh, surely

you can't be serious.

I am serious.

- Then should I stop

calling you Shirley?

Ladies and gentlemen,

and members

of the Fraternal Association

of Federated Airlines

Flight Attendants, welcome.

Management has

asked us to select

our top flight attendant

to go up against the Flightpal

in a performance test.

And the Research Committee

has given me one name.

Which one of you is Gaye?

Larry Gaye.

- That'd be me.

- Ah!

Mr. Gaye,

just how good are you?

On a scale from one to 10,

it can't be quantified.

Perhaps you would

try to quantify.

Well...

I have won

an unprecedented six,

count them, six, consecutive

Golden Coffee Pots.

Roll the clip!

- -Uh, guys, I...

I don't know what to say,

except maybe,

suck it,

other flight attendants!

Suck it dry!

Hey, hey, hey! You cut it off

before my dance. Not cool.

Mr. Gaye,

I want to ask you,

will you help spare the jobs

of everyone in this room

and thousands of others

nationwide?

Seems like a hassle. Pass!

I'm gonna pass!

No. Mr. Gaye!

- Larry.

What? What? What?

We need you.

Our livelihood depends on it.

Fine, I'll do it.

- I'll do it!

Ladies and gentlemen

of the FAFAFA, worry not!

I will take on this scourge

and I will win.

Nothing on God's green Earth

will stop me!

- -Thank you, Mr. Gaye.

Thank you.

As long as it's not on a Tuesday morning.

I have a Zumba class.

Okay.

Or Saturdays at 3:00. I have a

standing body wax. Gotta do that.

Wednesdays aren't great.

Hump day.

And I take

that quite literally.

- You know what I'm talking about.

- Thank you, Mr. Gaye.

Larry Gaye,

ladies and gentlemen.

- Larry Gaye, thank you.

- You got it.

Larry!

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome

aboard Federated Airlines Flight 75

with non-stop service

to Los Angeles.

We'll be taxiing

in just a few moments.

But first, allow me

to demonstrate

the safety features

of our Boeing 737.

Nathan. Thank you.

You fasten the seatbelt

by inserting the metal end

into the expectant buckle.

A little at first, you know,

just enough to

tease the buckle.

You want some of that?

Hmm, yeah.

Ohh!

Take that buckle.

Take it! Yeah.

- Mmm, yeah.

-

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

And finally, when that buckle

just can't take any more,

you pull on this thing

to release it.

We don't anticipate it, but should

there be a change in cabin pressure,

your oxygen mask

will drop down.

You place the mask

over your mouth, like so.

Mmm, yeah.

Okay.

For those of you seated

in an emergency exit row,

like, uh, I don't know,

say you.

If called upon to open

the emergency door, well,

you're gonna pull

on that big lever.

Yeah, yeah, you're gonna

pull on it real nice

Ooh, I bet you know how to

pull that thing just right.

Yeah, you know

what I'm talking about.

You know

what I'm talking about,

-you naughty little tart.

Flight attendants,

please be seated for take-off.

Okay. Power down

all electronic devices.

We'll be up in the air shortly.

Thank you, everybody.

We have got a live one in 10b.

I think those instructions

could have been clearer.

Uh, folks, we're about

to start our in-flight movie,

License to Chill.

Audio can be found

on Channel 10.

- Hey, Nate, can you grab the

disk out of my bag? -Yeah.

Gaye, I asked for a Fresca

five minutes ago.

What happened?

Did you trip over your skirt?

So sorry, I was, uh...

I was about to bring it in.

Well, maybe if you spent less time flirting

with your little gal pal over there,

you'd be able

to focus on your job.

I already do focus on my job

as six, count them, six,

Golden Coffee Pots can attest.

Oh, that's right. I forgot.

How does it feel working with the

biggest wussy in the business?

- Well...

- Don't talk!

I gotta go fly this bird.

Are you gonna tell me

what's that all about?

Sorry, Nathan.

I'm an intensely

private person.

You made a deal to publish your

autobiography so you could,

and I quote, "Share your

story with the world."

It's unauthorized.

Fine. I guess

you'll read it anyway.

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