Larry Gaye: Renegade Male Flight Attendant Page #8

---

with the only bathtub

in this whole facility.

Larry? Do you read me?

-Okay. Roger, Russ.

This is Federated 37 heavy,

coming in on

uncleared course 45, vector

16, bearing two-niner-zero.

Urban landing.

I repeat, urban landing.

Roger that, Captain Gaye.

Ladies and gentlemen,

this is your pilot speaking.

Prepare for arrival.

Oh, and if we survive, baggage

can be found on carousel 3.

Uh, do I have space?

Wait, wait, wait,

after the minivan.

Uh, this guy's going to

let us in. Thank you.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Okay, okay, okay.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Wheels down. Repeat, we have

wheels on the ground.

Oh! Oh, thank God, Larry.

Completed an urban landing

on a southbound freeway.

- Ah! You're one

cool customer, Gaye.

I would've peed in my pants.

Ha! That's ridiculous.

Larry! Larry! Larry!

Dad, I'm sorry I thought

it was lame to be

a flight attendant.

That's okay, Son. Look, if it's one thing

that I teach you in this lifetime,

it's that, well,

it's that flight attendants pull

every bit as much ass as pilots.

- Love you, Dad.

- Thanks, Son.

Bring it here.

Okay, Lar, let's just

get off at this exit,

and we can head

back to the airport.

Not yet.

I got a stop to make first.

Uh, yep. There it is.

Donnie!

Cross your arms.

My goodness, Donnie!

Donnie, I was worried sick!

I'm sorry. I just

really missed Dad.

Well, honey, you're gonna have

to learn how to deal with that.

Daddy doesn't live here.

His home is in the sky.

Go get into bed, okay?

Okay.

Bye, Dad.

Bye, Son.

Thanks for bringing him home.

Actually,

I did a little thinking

up there,

while I was saving 200 people

from a fiery death.

Yeah?

I thought about how,

of all the great times

I've had in my life,

the greatest, the greatest,

was the time I spent with you.

Then why did you leave?

Because I was an idiot,

who thought that

not being tied down

and going from woman to woman

to woman, to, in some cases,

- women, plural.

- Go on.

Would be a fun,

fulfilling lifestyle,

but the truth is,

it was soulless and empty.

All that meaningless sex

was just filling a hole.

And by hole,

I don't mean vagina.

Or in some cases, I guess

I do mean vagina.

I know what you mean.

April...

Is there any chance you could

see your way clear to

taking this idiot back?

Oh, gosh, Larry.

Did you really think you could

just waltz back into my life

because you were finally ready and

I'd be sitting here waiting for you?

Kind of, yeah.

Oh, no.

It's too late.

You've moved on.

You were the one thing

in my life

that was real and true,

and I blew it.

Gah!

How could I have thought

you would've waited for me?

Stupid Larry! Stupid Larry!

God, please,

let me drown in this

ocean of despair.

Without this woman in my life,

I don't want to live.

I don't want to live!

Murphy bed's all fixed.

Thank you, Karl.

Oh.

Larry...

Listen, when you left and I

never heard from you again,

that hurt me.

But when you left Donnie, that

didn't just hurt me, that hurt him.

I know, and I didn't

want to leave.

But I didn't believe I could

be any better at fatherhood

than my own father was.

But then I landed

that plane safely,

and I realized that

I can take care of my son.

And being with him,

and being with you,

that'll keep me

on the ground for good.

So you'll really

not fly anymore?

Oh!

Well, that is

shockingly painful.

Like, more than

I would have ever imagined.

Come here,

Larry Elizabeth Gaye.

I'm coming,

April Elizabeth Fornicowsky.

And by coming, I mean

approaching, not ejaculating...

I know what you mean.

Aww!

Donnie! Donnie!

Daddy's staying.

- Really?

- Yes, really.

It's okay, guys. You can go.

And so, I retired my apron,

leaving the door open for

someone else to finally win

the Golden Coffee Pot.

And because of the way the wiring

interfered with the plane's radios,

Federated Airlines was forced to

abandon the Flightpal project.

Three weeks after

that fateful flight,

I landed April,

my beautiful bride

and mother of my wonderful,

and no longer bastard,

son Donnie.

And the feeling of

crushing empty loneliness

that dogged me through

the years, well,

turned out to be

a gluten allergy.

Six months later,

I found myself

at a bookstore in downtown LA,

reading this last chapter

of my book.

And then something

unbelievable happened.

I looked up and saw...

Dad?

Dad!

It's me!

- Larry.

- Larry. Larry.

You look wonderful, Son.

You too, Dad.

You must have come to ask my forgiveness

for walking out all those years ago,

and to beg me to allow

you back into my life.

That's exactly right,

Larry, that's why I'm here.

Well, there was a time...

There was a time I would've told you to

stick several unwieldy objects in your ass.

A porcupine, a six iron

a French horn,

ceramic pineapple.

But...

I've learned a little

something about fatherhood.

So...

Whoo!

I forgive you, Dad.

- Oh...

- Welcome back into my life.

Oh!

Thank God.

Thank God!

Oh, that is...

- That is such a huge relief.

- Oh!

I know.

- Boy, oh, boy.

I know.

- For me, too. For me, too.

- Yeah, yeah.

Uh...

You got to give me a second.

I got to move my car.

- I'm double parked.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll be right back.

- You got it, Dad.

- You got it.

You got it.

- You got it!

Ah!

I can't wait to resume

my relationship with that guy.

Oh!

Uh...

Anyway, anyway...

Then I closed the book

to thunderous applause.

Uh, it said

"thunderous applause."

- Four seems like plenty.

- Fine.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes