Larry Gaye: Renegade Male Flight Attendant Page #7

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This is Federated Flight 37,

we've got a situation.

Chicken and rice, please.

Uh, ma'am, we have baked ziti

and chicken with wild rice.

Chicken and rice, please. -Dad?

- Oh.

- Dad, are you really a pilot?

Yeah, I'm just helping out while

the plane's on autopilot.

- Folks, we've just

switched off autopilot,

we're expecting

some possible turbulence.

Oh, that's Felder, my co-pilot,

and I am his captain.

Uh...

This is Captain Bryce,

just want to let you know

you're in good hands

with me and my co-pilot,

Felder, up here.

It's the two of us flying

this plane,

definitely no one else

in the cockpit.

Dad?

Oh, Son,

you're too smart for me.

I'm...

I'm a...

I'm a flight attendant.

Why did you lie to me?

I just felt that if you knew, you'd

judge me or think less of me.

I guess it was just

my own insecurity.

I should have

given you more credit.

You p*ssy! You're pathetic!

Okay, my dad's a waitress

with wings. A sissy man.

Don't forget ass pansy.

Uh...

At this time, we'd like

to ask flight attendant

Larry Gaye to report

to the cockpit.

To all you passengers,

nothing to worry about,

certainly no blown

fuel lines or

anything of that nature.

Gaye, we think

the main fuel line is blown,

and we might have to make

an emergency landing.

And, well, neither of us have

actually ever done one before.

And back in flight school,

you were the best at it.

So, we're sorry.

You gotta help us, Larry.

We're scared.

You spent all those years abusing me,

and now, all of a sudden, you need me.

I don't know, guys, I mean, I'm

just a lowly waitress with wings.

A sissy man, an ass pansy,

if you will.

How could I possibly help you

big, strong, superior pilots?

Look, we're sorry for all

the stuff that we ever said.

Yeah, yeah, we never meant it.

You know, I do.

I say these things sometimes.

- Well...

- I don't know why.

- All right, it's okay.

- I'm not a good person, Larry.

- I forgive you. Now...

- My mom didn't hold me enough,

and when she did, it was

always at a weird distance.

Like...

The way you'd hold

a spool of barbed wire,

or an angry raccoon,

not a lonely little boy.

Maybe to compensate, my grandmother

was overly affectionate.

She would hold me tight

against her ample bosom,

keep me nestled in there long after

it became difficult to breathe.

And yet,

on one level,

I think I liked it.

She smelled like

nutmeg. Autumn.

Okay, guys, listen, we need...

I once pleasured myself

to the image of my grandma

jumping on a trampoline.

I will help land the plane.

Up.

Oh, but first, Captain Felder,

I'll need a cup of coffee.

One sugar and just

a skosh of cream.

Federated 37 to ground control.

Come in, Bryce.

You got Herb Donkins here.

Actually, there's been

a slight change, Herb.

From now on, the man

you'll be talking to is Gaye.

Oh! Well, good for you, Bryce.

Have you told your wife?

No, Larry Gaye.

I'm a flight attendant,

and I'm gonna bring

this bird down.

Well, that's against FAA rules.

Look, if you want these people

on the ground in one piece,

then I'm bringing her down.

Now, here's what I'm thinking.

If we have enough fuel

to reach the ocean...

- Larry...

- What? Hello? Hello?

- Larry?

Come in.

Come in, damn it.

Okay, you don't have to yell.

I left room in case

you want some more cream.

I can't hear a damn thing!

I said I left room in case you

want to add some more cream!

Damn it! Where'd you go?

To get coffee,

like you asked me to!

Would you like some Chardonnay?

- Or perhaps some Cabernet-Franc

- What the hell is that?

It's a combination

of Cabernet and Merlot,

pairs well with savory meats

like pork, lamb.

The signals are crossed

with the Flightpal.

That's why

we've lost our radio.

Somebody's gotta

take out the Flightpal.

Bryce, hold our course.

I'll be right back.

- Coffee smells good.

- Don't touch anything.

Hey, Larry,

what the hell is going on?

What's this about

a blown fuel line?

No time to explain.

Take that, robot b*tch.

Uh, Larry.

That's not her.

- No?

- No.

There you are.

- May I help you?

- Yes, you may.

I said power down

all electronic devices.

Dad, what's goin' on?

Son, how would you like

to come up to the cockpit

and watch your old man attempt an

incredibly dangerous emergency landing?

This is Federated 37 to ground control.

Come in, ground control.

Uh, we read you, Larry, but

you're dropping like a stone.

According to our gauge, we have

about 30 miles of air left.

We're about 30 miles

from Los Angeles.

Then that's where we're going.

Can we get clearance at LAX?

Okay, we're gonna clear all runways.

Take your pick.

Wait, um, would it make more sense to put

the plane towards a less populated area,

in case we don't have

enough fuel to make it?

Son, this is no time

for naive questions.

It's time for heroic

yet impulsive actions.

Now remember, every second...

- Larry?

- Dad?

Yeah, he's, um...

He's 13 years old,

and I think he's on

one of your flights.

And in a bizarre turn of

events, we've learned that

- a flight attendant is going to attempt...

-Do you know Larry Gaye?

- He could be with him, right?

- ...an emergency landing at LAX.

As this harrowing story

develops,

we're joined by flight

attendant Steven Slater.

Hi, Tanya, great to be here.

He's the former...

Cheese and crackers,

how did we get so low?

You fell asleep.

Larry, you are

eight miles from LAX.

How much fuel do you have left?

Uh, not eight miles' worth.

There's only one thing

we can do.

- Urban Landing.

- Don't be an idiot.

- It's far too risky.

- It's never been done.

Nathan, I need you up here now.

Herb, we can't make it

to the airport.

I'm going to bring her down

in the city.

Passengers are kind of freakin'

out back there. So I thought...

Get your priorities

straight, Nathan.

This is gonna be huge.

Herb, did you read me?

We need to land in the city.

I am sorry, Larry.

My shift is ending.

I'm gonna have to turn you

over to Russ Peterson.

- Have a good one.

- What? You can't do that.

Hey, Larry, Russ Peterson here.

Uh, okay, Russ,

we're in a dire emergency.

- We're gonna run out of fuel any second.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hold on, Larry,

I just got here.

Give me a chance to settle in.

Okay, I'm just...

I'm taking my jacket off.

Hey, is that a birthday cake?

Who's birthday is it?

Happy birthday, big thug. Come

here, let me give you a hug.

Okay, I'm just going to grab

myself a little cake here.

Okay, I'm back.

Now, you were saying?

We're running out of fuel. I need

to land this plane in Los Angeles.

- Larry, that's never... -I know,

it's never, but I'm doing it now.

Son...

If we don't make it,

I just want you to know,

- I love you.

- We might not make it?

Of course

we're going to make it.

- Huh, yeah

- Yeah.

Just how good are you?

Damn, he's good.

You're a legend.

Just follow your dreams

and go wherever they take you.

I have a private bunk

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