Larry Gaye: Renegade Male Flight Attendant Page #6

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Let's focus it.

Thank you, Nathan.

I needed that.

Phew!

My God, you're hot.

Look, I've got a full-on

dinosaur bone in my pants,

and it's not going away

any time soon.

Yeah, let's do this.

Attendants ready.

- And go!

And brew!

Good.

Oh!

Ow!

Here we go,

are you ready for this?

- Yeah! -All right, she's

just a sexy robot.

Just a sexy robot.

You're Larry Gaye.

Go! Go get her.

What does this test measure?

We just thought it'd be fun

to watch.

- Okay.

Move!

Oh!

Nathan!

- Nathan!

- Right here.

Nathan, Nathan,

I've done it, Nathan.

- I've done it.

- No, you didn't.

- I didn't?

- You didn't.

- Oh.

- It was ugly.

Oh.

- Okay, Nate, so how am I doing?

- All right, I've got you down

30 points to none.

- With one event left. -Huh. I

felt it was closer than that.

- It's not. -Well, how can I

possibly make up 30 points?

Because customer service

is so important,

this final event

is worth 31 points.

- Hmm.

- Wow, that's convenient.

We're going to present a customer service

problem and see who can best solve it.

It's dinner time

we have two entrees,

barbeque chicken

and pasta primavera.

The problem is,

you're all out of pasta.

Good evening, folks,

for dinner we have

barbeque chicken

or stewed muskrat testicles.

- I'll have the chicken.

- Of course you will.

I have barbeque chicken

or vomit encrusted rat legs.

Barbeque chicken.

- Now, that's programing.

Uh, barbeque chicken or the

sauteed anus of a skunk served on a

bed of the anuses of other skunks.

I'll take the chicken.

Barbeque chicken or toe nail fungus in a

broth of hobo saliva and crotch sweat.

Barbeque chicken or, uh,

bubonic plague

garnished with pigeon droppings

and the hand-fluffed pubes

of a fat, old eczema sufferer

who just ran a 10k.

Chicken sounds good.

- Yeah.

Barbeque chicken or

dingleberry-crusted rat tartar

drizzled with pus, served with a

warm mug of curdled liposuction fat.

Chicken, please.

- Um...

Barbeque chicken or...

Or, um...

- Or lobster. I...

- Oh, I'll have the lobster.

Yeah, f*** chicken, I want the lobster too.

- I don't have lobster.

I only have barbeque chicken.

I couldn't think

of anything else disgusting.

I give up.

Larry Gaye gives up.

I am amazed.

I am amazed.

The winner, by a score

of 61 points to zero,

-is Sally the Flightpal.

Ugh!

I don't know how you lost.

You were down by 30 points.

But when they said the last event was

for 31, I thought for sure you'd win.

Nah, things like that only

happen in the movies, Nathan.

This is real life.

But how did she know how to

do that with the arm tray?

I mean, it's like she knew

my every move. But how?

Isabella.

The woman who seduced me and with

whom I shared all my secrets,

and then never heard

from again.

You came to support me. I'm truly

touched, that is so sweet.

I don't think that's

what happened, Lar.

I think she plied you

for information

- and used it against you.

- -Oh.

Pardon my sidekick,

he's embarrassingly naive.

- How have you been? -Oh, no,

he's right, Larry. I'm sorry.

You deceiving tramp. I never

wanna see your lying face again.

My God, you are so hot! Any

chance you're free for dinner?

- No.

- Lunch, tomorrow? Breakfast?

God! I'm such an idiot!

I've ruined flight attending

for everyone.

Everyone! Everyone!

You can be anything you want, Son.

Just follow your dreams

and go wherever they take you.

- Federated Airlines.

Hi, this is Larry Gaye. I seem to

have forgotten my next assignment.

Could you tell me

where my next flight is?

Oh, hi, Larry, it's Cristal.

You've got Flight 37 to Buenos Aires,

leaves San Fran tonight at 10:00.

- Thank you. -Hey, Larry,

what are you wearing?

- Jeans and a hoodie from GAP kids.

- Okay.

- Okay, have a nice flight.

- Mmm-hmm.

- May I help you? -Hi, can I

get a ticket from Los Angeles

to San Francisco, and continuing

on from San Francisco

to Buenos Aires, please?

Sorry, I'm not allowed to sell

tickets to unaccompanied minors.

I'd like a ticket from Los Angeles to

San Francisco, then on to Buenos Aires.

Sorry, I'm not allowed to sell

tickets to unaccompanied miners.

Oh, no,

actually we're together. So...

Oh, perfect!

Jeez. What happened? Who

brought herpes to the orgy?

Larry, look.

- She has herpes? Thanks

for the heads-up. -No!

That's the Flightpal. They say

within a year, we'll all be gone.

- It's devastating. -You say

that like it's my fault.

As if I lost some sort of flight

attending contest to save our jobs.

You did.

That's exactly what happened.

- Disagree not to agree.

- You're just combining words.

Correctly.

- Sir, can I get you a drink?

- Bourbon, rocks.

It sure does, but I'm afraid I

can't serve alcohol to miners.

- Sparkling water.

- Very well.

- Sir, can I get you a... Son?

- Dad!

What are you doing here?

Well, I took your advice. You

told me to follow my dreams,

and my dreams are to fly

and be with you.

Donnie, I can't

be a part of this.

I mean, your mother's

probably worried sick.

You get off this plane

and go home, this minute.

- We're at 32,000 feet.

- Right.

Whatever you do,

do not get off this plane,

but we're gonna talk more about

this when we get to Buenos Aires.

Hey, Dad?

What are you doing back here

serving drinks?

Aren't you supposed to be

up front in the cockpit?

And that's how you serve

a drink,

you lowly, wussified

flight attendant.

God! Don't make me come

back here and show you again.

- I'm way too busy flying the plane.

- But, Larry...

Larry? Who's Larry? I'm not Larry.

It's Captain Gaye to you.

Hey! That's my nickname.

Huh. Okay.

I've gotta get back to work.

In the cockpit, of course. Which

is where I belong, being a pilot.

I'm a pilot.

- Look who it is.

What are you doing

up here, Gaye?

My son is on board and he

doesn't know I'm only a...

- Flying waitress?

- Sissy man?

Ass pansy?

Come on, guys.

Give me a break, okay?

Just let me stay up here for a

while so he doesn't find out.

Can't help you, Gaye.

It's against regulations.

Hey, why is our fuel level

dropping precipitously?

I don't know.

Good night.

Donnie?

Dear Mom, sorry to sneak out,

but I had to go find Dad.

I rigged the CD recording

to start playing

when you picked up

that blank piece of paper.

Hope it all worked.

Oh, my God.

Uh, Lar? We were supposed to start

dinner service an hour ago.

Hey, I think we can

wait a while.

Larry, you can't avoid facing the

truth with your son forever.

He'll accept you

whether you're a pilot

- or a flight attendant. -That's

really great advice, Nate.

Sally, would you mind covering dinner

in coach for me with Nathan here?

I'm just... I'm trying to avoid being seen.

It's a long story.

But I was assigned

to first class.

- Come on, have a heart.

- But I don't have a heart.

- Do you have to take

everything so literally? -Yes.

- Fine. Fine.

- Dinner?

Must be a break

in one of the lines.

According to this,

we're losing fuel like crazy.

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