Larry Gaye: Renegade Male Flight Attendant Page #5

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No, he means he doesn't

accept you as a father.

Oh. I see.

Okay, look, Donnie. I don't blame

you for feeling angry towards me.

If you don't want me to be a

part of your life, I understand.

Good.

It's just as well.

Flying the LA to Chicago route

first thing in the morning anyway.

I'm... I'm sorry again.

- About... About everything.

- Mmm-hmm.

Wait.

Dad, are you a pilot?

Wait, um, your mother didn't

tell you what I do for a living?

She's never told me

anything about you.

I've always dreamed of having

a dad who was a pilot.

Son, that look of wide-eyed adoration on

your face makes it hard for me to admit

- that I'm only a fly...

- Please say pilot.

Ing man. Meaning pilot.

I'm a pilot. I'm a pilot.

That is so cool. That's what

I wanna be when I grow up.

Tell me everything about it.

Every single detail.

Son, there is nothing

like the feeling

of guiding that bird

up to 36,000 feet.

Someday you'll come up with me.

Okay. Why don't you two keep talking,

I'm gonna get dessert ready, okay?

Okay.

Wow, there's just so much

I didn't know.

Well, now you do.

Any questions?

Yeah, uh, can you still do it

if there's only one girl?

Good question, Son.

And the answer,

believe it or not, is yes.

I mean, she won't always

have a hot roommate

or a college friend

visiting from out of town.

On those occasions,

you have to make it work.

And where can I get

one of these swings?

There are catalogs. Online sex shops.

I had mine custom made in Bangkok.

But remember, install it properly.

And test it out.

Because you

always wanna have...

Safe sex.

Atta boy. That's my boy.

Anything else?

Yeah, just one thing.

Should you still do it if you and

the girl are, like, in love?

Hmm. I'm gonna have

to say no on that one, Son.

There can be a lot

of strings attached.

But you know what? You're only 13.

You have so much to learn.

I just... I wanted you

to have the basics.

Thanks, Dad.

I really appreciate it.

Hey, you got it.

Now bring it in here.

Huh? All right. That's my boy.

Oh.

Hey, what are you guys

doing in here?

Uh, just a little

father-son bondage.

Okay. Uh, Donnie, I'm afraid that

it's time for you to go to bed.

- Aww.

- Can Dad stay over?

- If you like, yeah, he can stay.

- Sweet.

The living room? I mean, what

if the kid walks in on us?

Hmm, I don't know.

Oh, um, don't forget

to lock that.

It's broken, it tends to release.

So if you...

Yeah, I think I got it.

So, how come you never tried to

find me and tell me about Donnie?

Um, well, because I was...

I was really angry.

Angry at you for leaving,

and I didn't think you deserved

a son as great as Donnie,

and I don't know, I guess

when I saw you at the pool,

I thought maybe

the time had come.

Well, April,

I wanna do my part.

From now on, I'll give you

half my salary for him.

Well, I'll give you 25%

of my salary for him.

And on his birthday, well, I'll pick

him out something from the sky mall.

A sleep mask, a neck pillow.

Perhaps some nice

compression leg sleeves,

ideal for improved

circulation on longer flights.

Okay, I think what he'd really like

to have is a father in the picture.

I know. You've got to get out there and

start dating while you're still hot.

I meant you.

Oh.

Look, I... I know

that it's a lot to ask,

but if you, I don't know, if you ever stop

flying and settle in the area, you...

You could really be

a big part of his life.

Yeah, but how would

I even earn a living?

I mean, sure, I could open a

studio and teach the Macarena,

but that craze isn't

gonna last forever.

April, let's face it.

If you couldn't keep me on the

ground, well, nothing could.

Okay, well,

just think about it.

Okay.

Oh, not right now?

Just think about it.

Better yet,

I'll think about it.

- Okay.

- Okay.

Good night, Larry.

Hey, uh, maybe

we could have sex.

If you know what I mean.

Okay, if you say the actual thing,

then you don't need to say,

"If you know what I mean."

Is that a yes?

That's a no.

- Got it.

- Okay.

All right.

Oh.

I said no, Larry.

Oh.

Morning, Son.

Morning, woman with whom passionate

unprotected fling resulted in son.

Morning.

Where's your hat, Dad?

- What hat?

- Your pilot's hat.

Oh, right. I don't like to wear it

when I'm not flying. Too pilot-y.

Which I am, of course.

Pilot. I'm a pilot.

Wait, why is your tie

tucked into your shirt?

I thought only loser

stewardesses did that.

Flight attendants.

Is what those losers

prefer to be called,

and this tie-tuck is my way

of mocking them.

Losers. Come on,

I'll walk you to school.

Oh, actually, I ride a bike.

Not a problem.

Hey, Dad. When I grow up, can

I be a pilot just like you?

Of course you can. You can

be anything you want, Son.

Just follow your dreams

and go wherever they take you.

The good ones, not the weird ones,

like when you're naked at a funeral.

Or naked at a petting zoo.

I got it. Thanks, Dad.

You got it, Son.

Let me get that for you, Son.

- Thanks, Dad.

- Sure. Straight in there.

Hey, look.

It's Donnie Girlparts.

How's your vagina

today, Donnie?

Son, you have a vagina?

God, the surprises

just keep coming.

No, Dad. They pick on me

'cause they think I'm a wuss.

It's no big deal, okay?

I beg to differ.

Hey, you.

This young man here,

he's a Gaye.

And when you mess with a Gaye,

you mess with Gayes everywhere.

And some of us Gayes have a vicious temper.

You feel me?

You feel me on that?

Scram!

Thanks, Dad.

Hey, it's what dads do.

So, are you gonna be, like,

staying with us from now on?

Well, actually, Son, I...

I... I will.

Of course I will.

What, do you think I'm just gonna

abandon you like my own father did?

That I'm gonna choose

an empty, transient existence

over a meaningful life

with a family that loves me?

What do you got for a guy who chose

an empty transient existence

- over a meaningful life with a

family that loves him? -Scotch?

- No, I'm American.

- Sorry, you look Scotch.

- You're Gaye, right?

- Yeah.

Thought so.

You remind me of your dad.

Ugh!

Well, Cecile it looks like your

award-winning flight attendant

- is 30 minutes late. -That's

the type of human error

that you never have to worry

about with the Flightpal.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait. Larry's

coming, I know he is. -Uh-huh.

Well, he's about

30 minutes late.

- Well, maybe he's stuck in

traffic, I don't know. -Really?

- I don't think he's ever gonna show up.

- Trust me, he's a hero.

- Mmm-hmm. -He's gonna

save all of our jobs.

- I ran out on

my own son, everyone.

Yes, I did. Just like

my own father ran out on me.

The sins of the fathers laid

on the children of the corn.

'Cause I had a chance to stop the

cycle of abandonment. Did I? Did I?

Larry!

- No, it's Jack.

- Larry.

Oh, boy, this isn't optimal.

- Okay, all right, listen to me.

- Okay.

- Okay?

- Okay.

I want you to take

all this shame, okay,

all this pain

that you're feeling right now,

and let's use it,

let's channel it.

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