Larry Gaye: Renegade Male Flight Attendant Page #4

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with defibrillator paddles.

Yep, best job in the world.

I also drank vomit.

Oh, dear God.

- What? -Uh, I can't let

that woman see me.

- Why?

- Just...

What the... Damn!

I'm not comfortable

with this. Please, Larry...

Yeah, Larry she's gone.

Larry, she's gone!

- Okay. Okay.

- She's gone.

That could've been

really uncomfortable.

Who was that?

Nathan, I've said many times nobody

can ground this plane permanently,

but she came the closest.

The year was 1998.

I was on a weekend layover

in LA and, well, you know,

every great couple has a cute

story about how they met.

We were no different.

She was

walking her dog, Muffin.

The night before,

I'd been thrown through

a car windshield at 50 miles

an hour and left for dead.

Boy, that little Muffin sure liked

to lick dried blood off a face.

That charming April

convinced an off-duty,

and possibly drunk, ambulance

driver to pick me up.

And I was glad she did.

You're hot.

You wanna have dinner tonight?

I'll pick you up

at 7:
00, all right?

So, I'm all bandaged up, right? I

look her right in the eye and I say,

"God, you're hot. You wanna

have dinner tonight?"

- Um, Larry... -Hello,

storius interruptus much?

- No, but she's...

- Butt cheese?

Really, Nathan? Act your age,

not your weiner length, okay?

We went to one of those restaurants where

they cook everything at the table.

We were given a truly authentic

Japanese experience by chef Hiro Obata

Garcia Gonzalez

de San Fernando.

I think it may have

been his first day.

So, uh, you grew up in LA?

Hmm, well actually

in the suburbs.

Really? Me too.

- Really?

- Mmm-hmm.

- Oh.

- Yeah.

Yeah, I loved it, you know,

everything felt so safe.

You could ride a bike

to a friend's house

without your parents being

all worried about you.

Totally, totally.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

Yeah.

Mmm-hmm.

So what made you decide

that you wanted to fly?

Well, let's just say I wanted to escape

the pain of a father's abandonment.

I wanted to escape the pain

of a father's abandonment.

Thank you. I didn't think

I could say that by myself.

Hmm.

Huh.

It's crazy.

So, do you believe in fate?

Sure. Do you?

How could I not?

I mean, every day I walk

Muffin down Elm Street,

today I went down Maple,

and there you were,

unconscious on somebody's lawn.

- Hmm.

And usually I take a taxi

back to my hotel room,

but last night, I accepted a

ride from a complete stranger

who reeked of alcohol and could

barely stand up straight.

And if that hadn't happened,

we would've never met.

- I know.

It's like that drunk driver was an

angel, sent down to watch over me.

Yeah.

I love you, drunk driver

who almost killed me.

Now, without exaggeration, I've

made love to roughly 135,000 women.

But there was something about April

that went beyond the physical.

I... Wow.

I just can't believe how

much we have in common.

You know, um, we both are Scorpios,

we both love Japanese food.

We both even have

the same middle name.

I know.

You are amazing,

Larry Elizabeth Gaye.

But despite how wonderfully

everything was going,

something just

didn't feel right.

Do you have to go?

No, I went when I woke up.

So, when you come back

to LA, will I see you?

Look, I, um, the thing is...

Yes.

Yes, you will.

You promise?

I give you my word,

I'll call you.

Well, I didn't call her.

Why not? Nathan, you know me.

I'm built to fly.

And as great as

April was, I just...

I didn't think I could be fully

happy down on the ground.

Then why didn't you have

the guts to say that?

Well, because... Turbulence.

April.

Boy, your ears must have been burning,

'cause I was just talking about you.

How have you been?

How have I been? Oh, gosh.

Uh, let's see.

I work at a crappy hotel,

where, um,

I get hit on all day by shitheads who say

they're gonna call and they never do.

How you been?

Great, I've won six

Golden Coffee Pots in a row.

- This is my buddy, Nathan.

- A**hole.

Hey, that's not really fair. You

didn't even give him a chance.

- I think she meant you.

- No.

Really?

April, wait!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I should never

have done what I did.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, what

I should've done is what I didn't.

And what I did do is not the opposite of

what the unright thing to do would've been.

- I understand. Okay.

- Okay, good.

Um, in fact,

why don't you, um...

Why don't you

come over tonight?

We can, um, pick up where we left

of, you know, for old times' sake.

Well, I guess I could drop my landing

gear, if you know what I mean.

Put my tray table into its upright

position, if you know what I mean.

Fit my wheelie bag

into you overhead comp...

I know what you mean.

Okay, so I'll see

you tonight, right?

- Yes, you will.

- Okay.

And this is the team that we have assembled

to fine tune the Flightpal's hard drive.

Johann Kaminsky, Stuart Nevins

and Token Black.

Taequan Black. Taequan Black.

Yes, of course it is.

Now, Mr. Techtronics would

like to see how it's going

with our highest

priority project.

- Uh, fantastic.

- Right on target.

- Couldn't ask for better.

- Well within parameters.

Are you sure?

Well, the technical stuff

will be there,

but there's a certain human instinct

that great flight attendants have,

which we don't

fully understand yet.

I think

I can help you with that.

What?

What's the matter with you boys?

Never seen a sexy woman before?

- No, no.

- No, no. Not for free. No.

Isabella here has done

a little research for us.

Larry, I want to know

the secrets of being

the best flight attendant

in the world.

Wait, you're not gonna somehow

use this against me, are you?

What?

No, of course not.

No, I didn't mean to make you

uncomfortable, I just felt I had to ask.

Anyway, all my secrets?

Where do I begin?

These tulips

should go in water.

And these two lips should go on a

self-guided tour of Mount April.

Larry, you haven't

changed a bit.

Hey, if it ain't broke, don't

un-break it, if you know what I mean.

- I don't. Um...

- Okay.

Uh, Larry there is someone

I'd like you to meet.

- Mmm.

- So, um, just wait here.

- That's exactly what I'm gonna do.

- Okay.

Three-way.

Huh, that's a different

way to go.

- Larry.

- Oh.

This is Donnie.

- What's up, man?

- He's your son.

He's my what? Eh...

Whoa.

- May I have a word with you?

- Yeah.

This can't be.

We only did it once.

That was all it took.

That's what I'm talking about.

But how can you be sure

he's mine?

Turbulence.

Hey, Donnie.

Would you like some more?

Don't mind if I do.

Okay.

Hmm. Mmm. No, no.

Oh, okay.

Oh, okay.

Mmm.

Oh, uh, convenient.

Yeah, well, I don't have

a lot of time to cook.

I'm a single mother.

As you know.

Yeah, that's gotta be rough.

So, Donnie, how's school? Uh, What...

What grade are you in?

First? Wow, you gotta be one of the

bigger kids in the class, huh?

No, Donnie, don't

disrespect your father.

He's not my father.

Aha! The plot thickens.

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