Last Action Hero Page #8

I believe you're in the upper...

Lower balcony.

- You stay here...

- Yeah, I know. I stay here.

And be careful.

Somebody should

be checking that other balcony. Definitely!

Arnold, look. Deal's done, right?

- What?

- Slater V, the soundtrack.

I'll be a son of a...

Jack!

Jack! It's the Ripper!

He's brought back the Ripper!

Jack, Benedict's brought back the Ripper!

Everybody down! Now!

Get off me!

Get the hell off me.

The studio should let me know

when they're planning a stunt.

You know, you are the best

celebrity look-alike I've ever seen.

Why not?

Hey, if you get to Los Angeles,

call my office.

We can get you shopping center openings...

Look, I don't really like you. All right?

You've brought me nothing but pain.

Jack, help!

Did anyone come out of here?

Did you see anyone come out here?

Did you see a crazy guy with an ax

coming out of here?

No, no. I didn't.

Hey, Jack. What kept you?

Are you all right, Danny?

Yes... Yes, sir.

You know, I tried to change, Jack.

I really tried to do what he told me to do,

but you know, I kept hearing that old music.

That's how I knew you'd come here, Jack.

Now, lose the piece.

There.

It's now between you and me,

so let the boy go.

Hey, we've played this number before,

haven't we, Jack?

Let's see, what comes next?

You throw the gun away, right?

We did that part and...

And then you tell me to let the kid go and...

I'm getting bored.

Why don't we just skip to the end?

Come on, Jack! Come on.

Over here, right here, Jack. Come on.

Right here.

Come on, Jack! Let's go, man.

Come here, Jack. Come on, Jack.

Let's go, let's go. Come on. Let's do it, Jack.

I'll be back!

The hell you will.

Jack!

- Danny?

- Jack, please!

Danny!

Danny! I'll be right there.

I'm coming! Hang on!

Just hang on now.

- Jack, help!

- Hold on, Danny! I'll be right there.

I'm coming.

Jack, hurry!

Hold on, Danny, and don't look down!

Oh, God, please, don't let him die.

Now, listen, kid.

You grab my hand, and we get out of here.

I can't, Jack. We'll fall.

Come on, now. Danny, trust me.

I can't do it, Jack.

Listen to me, Danny. Listen to me.

You hold on with your feet, with your legs

and you let your hands go

and I will catch you. Okay? Believe in me.

I will catch you. Now, get my hand. Let's go.

Go for it, now. Come on, Danny. Yes.

This hero stuff has its limits.

I need a hospital.

I think my shoulder is out of the socket.

Will the morgue suffice?

Get down, Danny.

Give it up, Benedict.

The whole lobby is swarming with cops.

I think I can manage to avoid them,

but if not,

I've another

little explosive surprise for them.

Gentlemen, since

you're about to die anyway,

I may as well tell you the entire plot.

Think of villains, Jack.

You want Dracula? Dracula? Hang on.

I'll fetch him. Dracula. I can get King Kong.

We'll have a nightmare with Freddy Krueger.

Have a surprise party for Adolf Hitler.

Hannibal Lecter can do the catering.

And then we'll all

have a christening for Rosemary's baby.

All I have to do

is snap my fingers and they'll be here.

They're lining up to get here,

and do you know why, Jack?

Shall I tell you why?

Because here in this world,

the bad guys can win.

I shall miss you, Jack.

Gee, did you make a movie mistake!

You forgot to reload the damn gun.

No, Jack. I just left one chamber empty.

Son of a...

My arm! You broke my arm!

You see, Jack,

bad guys can win.

Jack!

Now!

No sequel for you.

The ticket.

Take him home.

Take him back to

where this is just a flesh wound.

Don't you understand?

We got to get him back to the movies.

I said turn around.

Great! Just great!

They always run away.

Hang on, Jack.

Danny, do you know how to drive?

Sure. I watched you, didn't I?

Get out of the way!

Nick, fire up the projector. Hurry!

- Slater's dying.

- What happened?

- You got the ticket?

- No, but it's got to work, anyway. It's got to!

Just hold on, Jack. You'll make it.

This is gonna work.

It's got to be here, Jack.

Please, please.

Nick, hurry! The door won't open.

No sweat, kid. You tried.

It's got to be here.

Just hold...

Where do you think you're going?

Back off. You can't have him.

I've had it up to here with you, Mister.

Who stays, who goes...

Well, I'm telling you this one stays.

I was only curious.

He's not on any of my lists.

Though you are, Daniel.

Now?

Oh, no.

You die a grandfather.

Hey, wait a minute. Help us.

You got to get him back.

You can do it. I know you can.

I don't do fiction. Not my field. Sorry.

You are a very brave young man.

Unfortunately, you're not very bright.

If I were you...

I might be looking

for the other half of the ticket.

They're all gold. They're all gold.

Yes!

I've got it, Jack. I'll get you home, you'll see.

You can't die.

I know. Not until the grosses go down.

No. This is going to save us.

Throw that silly thing away.

Holy cow!

Let's hear it for Houdini!

Slater!

Damn it. Anybody seen Slater?

You see Slater,

you tell him to get in my office right now.

Help, somebody!

They got Jack! Doctor! Hey, doc! Move!

Here, take this. You've got to get back

before it changes its mind.

No way. I'm not going to leave you.

I'm just an imaginary hero, Danny.

You have a real life.

You're real to me. Don't you get it?

You're the best thing in... I need you to...

To be here where you can always find me

but I need you to be out there.

To believe in me.

Doctor, doctor!

I need you to take care of your mother for me

'cause... Oh, I would love to...

You have your whole life ahead of you.

And pimples and premature ejaculation.

I heard.

- What?

- It's just...

I'm scared I'm never going to see you again.

Whoever thinks that,

will be making a big mistake.

Get out of the way. Out of the way.

You want a doctor? I'm a doctor.

Get out of the way.

I'm a doctor. Get out of the way.

- What happened? What happened, pal?

- What is it, doc?

What is this, some kind of a joke?

I wouldn't even call this a flesh wound.

Come on, here, let's get him up.

Damn it, where the hell have you been?

Ha. It's working again.

And you know the cost of that door is

coming right out of your meager

but undeserved paycheck

on account of

I got the Save-The-Eagle foundation

doing a f***ing tango up and down

my Hershey Highway!

Put a sock in it.

I don't care

who does what to your Hershey Highway,

and stop shouting. I'm not deaf.

You know why you're shouting?

Because it's in the script.

You're the comic relief.

Yes, and you know what else?

I'm the hero so shut up!

You see, Hollywood is writing our lives

and you know something?

I don't want to shoot people

anymore and blow up buildings.

You know why we do this here?

You got to be a magician, after all, Nick.

It really does work.

The ticket's yours, Danny,

and you know something?

I think the magic was yours, too.

Come on.

Ever tell you about the time

I was about your age

and my pop took me to see Buffalo Bill?

Yeah, well, we went backstage to see

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