Last Holiday Page #3

- Fancy!

- Well, there's somebody new anyway.

- Nice-looking sort of chap too, Joe.

- Gets me nowhere, does it?

Unless that Rockingham piece

starts acting a bit more friendly.

Expecting your husband back tonight?

I'm not sure. Either tonight

or early in the morning.

I think he ought to be careful.

- Why?

- These little trips abroad.

He isn't the right type.

- Too slapdash.

- I don't know what you're talking about.

Take a card. Any card.

Look at it, but don't tell me what it is.

You probably think this is one of those

trick packs with all the cards alike, but it isn't.

Thanks. Your name's Bird, isn't it?

I hope you don't mind my doing this.

I promised to do some tricks for the boys' club

down here on Saturday night, and I'm terribly rusty.

Yes. I designed a new

undercarriage for aircraft.

Trying to enjoy myself,

until I can find something else worth doing.

Good man. Good man. First sensible

remark I've heard today. Good fellow.

If you really want to do

something else worth doing -

Go on. This is like

getting back to civilization.

You ought to improve

on that old subsoiler of yours.

Up to a point it's a good job,

but it keeps jamming, you know.

- Yes, yes, yes. I do know.

- It's the blade, of course...

but I wouldn't know

how to improve it.

Mmm. That blade wants thinking out

from the beginning, you know.

My dear fellow,

I'm infinitely obliged to you.

Of course the subsoiler's the thing

to work on. And we need it badly too.

You're a splendid fella.

Oh. That's the card you picked.

- Mr. Bird?

- That's me.

My name's Prescott,

private secretary to Mr. Bellinghurst...

who, as you probably know,

is staying here.

- Yes, I heard he was. - Well, the

minister - Mr. Bellinghurst -

wonders if you'd care to join him in a cocktail

down in the bar, about a quarter to 8:00.

- Are you sure it's me? Bird?

- Yes, of course.

The minister is always

very anxious to talk to people...

and gain their impressions

of government policy and so on.

- By the way, you can be quite frank with him.

- All right. I will.

A quarter to 8:
00 then,

in the little cocktail bar. Splendid.

Bless you.

Really, Miss Fox. I'm surprised at you.

- I wasn't thinking, Lady Oswington.

- And he wasn't sneezing neither.

Hiding his face, if you ask me.

Very peculiar. Hmph.

Very peculiar indeed.

What do I do about this?

Come here.

Can't look after yourself, can you?

Seems like it. I'm sorry.

Oh, don't apologize.

How are you getting on?

Well, I've started

an inventor reinventing...

and I've just been asked to have a drink

with a cabinet minister.

- How's that?

- All right, so far. There.

Thank you very much, Mrs. Poole.

Very kind.

No, it isn't very kind of me.

I like doing it.

- And don't look at me like that.

- Like what?

Like a little lost dog or something.

In a minute you'll have me -

Oh, I wish you'd tell me what's wrong.

All right. Off you go,

and don't let anybody see you.

- What can I get you?

- A white lady for me, please.

Ah, Mr, Bird,

- White lady and a double martini, George.

- Yes, sir,

All right, Joe. You've seen her now.

No harm in looking, is there?

What have I gotta do so you get to know her?

Give her chloroform?

Who wanted to come here? We're half a mile

out of our depth. That's what we are.

Well, now, Mr. Bird,

what do you really think about us?

- You're doing all right.

That's what we want to hear, eh, Prescott?

Doing all right.

Of course we are.

But you're making one or two

very bad mistakes.

Oh, we are, eh?

Well, just tell me one of them.

Do you really want to know,

Mr. Bellinghurst, or are we just chattering?

No. Go on, my dear chap. Tell me.

We make machinery

and send it abroad, eh?

- Certainly. Must have exports.

- Yes, quite.

Yes, but a lot of that machinery

will be used to...

make the goods we want to

sell people abroad.

In the meantime, we aren't making enough

machinery to improve our own agriculture here -

to grow more food for ourselves,

which is the most important thing of all,

- That's what you think, eh?

- I don't think, I know,

I could show you 200 farms in one county

that are crying out for more machinery-

for combine harvesters, drying plants,

muck-spreaders, new disc harrows.

I'm sorry, Minister, but you've

an engagement immediately after dinner.

Yes, we'll have to go in.

I want some more information

from you, Mr. Bird.

Tomorrow, perhaps.

So don't run away or drop dead.

Something there I might use,

you know, Prescott.

- Just what I was thinking, Minister.

- Make a note to get hold of that chap as soon as I've an hour to spare.

- Up in my room, tomorrow, or the day after.

- Yes, Minister. Of course. Yes, certainly I will.

Thank you. Won't you join us?

And I'm in the chair. So what will you have,

Mr. Bird? Double martini?

A glass of beer, thank you.

- You don't mean it?

- Yes, I do. I always mean what I say.

- But how exciting.

- Isn't it?

But that means, if someone asks you a question,

you've got to give them a truthful answer.

Well, what's wrong with that?

Why shouldn't we tell the truth to each other?

Because, for one thing,

most of us couldn't take it.

- Could you?

- I've had to.

What are you thinking about?

The truth, remember?

I was thinking that

if I'd seen you outside somewhere...

looking like that...

I'd have thought you were

out of some other world,

And yet here you are,

as real as I am.

You know, there's something

rather frightening about you, Mr. Bird.

Oh, dear.

All right, Joe Clarence. If you want to

get to know her as bad as all that...

why don't you go across

and introduce yourself?

That's just what I would do, if we was anywhere

human, not in a stuffed-shirt dump like this.

Don't be silly. What's the difference?

They can't eat you, can they?

And talking about eating,

it'll be dinnertime in a minute.

So come on, Joe.

Make up your mind.

All right. I'll have a bash at it.

Follow me, girl,

and keep your fingers crossed.

Excuse me. Uh, you're the very

spit of a bloke I met up at Haringey.

Sorry, I've never been there.

There you are, Joe. What did I tell you?

You and your Haringey.

- All right. I made a mistake.

- And it doesn't matter, Mr. -

- Uh, Clarence. Joe Clarence.

- We've met now, haven't we?

- That's right, Mr. Bird.

- So join the party.

That's what I wanted

to hear the whole week.

- You'll all have one with me. George.

- Yes, sir.

- Let's enjoy our miserable selves. You know why, chum?

- No, I'll buy it.

'Cause we're a long time dead.

Excuse me.

I've just remembered something.

Where now would you like me

to put you, sir?

- Put me?

- For dinner, sir,

- What's the idea?

- Finishing a job. That's all.

- Wake you up, did we?

- Nearly knocked me out of bed.

Well, you've gotta get up sometime, chum,

We can't all be the idle rich, you know,

We don't get our lay-in till Saturday.

- I - I'm sorry about all this noise.

- It's a bit thick, you know.

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