Last Holiday Page #8

Waiter!

I'll have another cake.

Have 'em all, ma'am.

- Waiter,

- Waiter!

- Waiter.

- Waiter!

- W-W-Waiter.

Waiter?

I want somebody to help Williamson

with his plan...

for the National Agricultural

Machinery Board.

- You do?

- I do.

Unless I can find someone at once, Pennington

will push one of his backroom boys in, as usual.

- And we've had enough of that.

- Pennington?

Mm-hmm.

This might look good too,

promoting a practical man like yourself...

one of the people

who have been doing the job.

You mean -

I mean I'm offering you an appointment

on the National Agricultural Machinery Board.

Sorry. Can't take it.

- Did you ring for some more tea, Prescott?

- Yes, Minister, but I'll ring again.

This isn't a political appointment,

Mr. Bird.

You'll notice that I haven't asked

your opinion of us as a government, eh?

- No, you haven't, have you?

- But I can tell you this, Mr. Bird -

we're the only people who could keep

this country going at the present time.

If it wasn't for us and the confidence

of the people in our policy...

you'd have rising prices, industrial disputes,

strikes all over the place.

- What about that tea, Prescott?

- Oh, I've just remembered.

You won't get any more tea.

They all went on strike at 5:00.

Excuse me.

- Go on, speak to them.

- Shall I?

Yes.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Mr. Bird will now say a few words.

Mr. Bird.

I only wanted to say,

if we've nobody to look after us tonight...

then we'd better look after ourselves.

Won't do us any harm. So let's get together

and divide the jobs between us.

Good old George, I'll run the bar,

Oh, no, you won't. You and your bar.

And if I get some help in the kitchen,

then tonight I, Gambini, will cook the dinner.

There you are.

It's all fixed.

Then I put it into casserole.

Put in the onions and fry the bacon.

Some herbs.

Pieces of rabbit.

And let it simmer

three-quarters of an hour.

And then I put it potatoes,

two glasses of white wine.

Again it simmers.

Then I put in the seasoning.

And then lapin en gibelotte,

Just good cooking

and you will say it is wonderful.

Everybody hard at it, eh?

Splendid. Splendid.

That's the spirit, eh?

Yep, too many blinking knives and forks

in this caper, if you ask me.

All goes down the same way too,

don't it?

Still, when you gotta lay 'em out like this,

it makes you think. All gotta be washed up too.

Oh, tables being laid.

All pulling together, eh?

That's the spirit. Great show.

All pulling together.

That's right. All pulling together.

What's he pulling, except faces?

Next time I'm gonna be one of them blokes.

"Great show. That's the spirit! Ha-ha-ha!"

Terrible amount of waste labor

in this sort of thing.

Oughtn't to be difficult to invent

a mechanical loading device.

I'm sure I look nicer

than a mechanical loading device.

- Oh, I think it is.

- Everyone in full production, Bird?

- All but a few who'll turn up for dinner though.

I almost feel like kissing you again.

- Hasn't anybody ever said that to you before?

- No. Never.

Poor darling. But why?

What have you been doing all your life?

I don't know. Just getting up, working,

reading the paper, smoking, going to bed.

Like millions of other chaps.

You'd be surprised.

I'm surprised

what girls go and miss.

Now, that's enough.

Go on. Scoot.

Regal Hotel.

Speak up. Don't mumble.

Do we what?

Of course we take young children.

What are their names?

Oh, but how sweet.

Especially Dulcibella.

I had a cousin - or rather, a second cousin,

one of the Northumberland Blackmores -

she was a Dulcibella.

She ran away with a Greek sea captain.

I can't imagine why.

Noise? Why shouldn't

young children make noise?

And if I'm here I'll make a noise with them.

Good-bye!

Good afternoon.

Do you want a room here?

No. I've got a room here.

What are you doing here?

Answering the telephone.

What do you think I'm doing, riding a bicycle?

Oh, it's monstrous.

You're much too old to be doing such work.

And you're too old to stand there talking

nonsense. Run away and make yourself useful.

Silly old duffer.

Time we had a wet,

even if we have to serve ourselves.

Good evening, gentlemen. Come in.

The bar's open.

Turned a bit colder, hasn't it?

Don't breathe on those glasses!

Most people crumble the bread

into the milk.

And in this, as in so many other matters,

most people are wrong.

The pieces of bread -

not too large, not too small -

should be placed in the bowl...

and the milk poured over the bread.

A pinch of sugar is added.

And then what have you got?

A poor basin of slops

instead of a good dinner.

Aye, a good dinner.

A capital dinner,

thanks to our friend Gambini.

Hear! Hear!

Aye, and to whoever it was among us

who had the splendid notion...

that instead of sitting down and girning

we should all turn to and help ourselves.

- Hear! Hear!

Well, I think we've all shown

the proper spirit, pulling together.

Oh, no, you don't. Bird arranged all this.

Come on, Georgie boy.

- Up you come. You're the boy we want.

Oh, our friend Mr. Bird, was it?

Then I call upon him for a few remarks.

Thanks very much.

I think several of us

had the same idea at the same time...

so I don't deserve any special thanks,

though I'd like to say this -

I don't know why most of you came here,

but I know that I came here to enjoy myself.

It was a sort of last chance.

Somehow I didn't enjoy myself,

not until tonight.

But tonight's been different.

I don't mean to say we'd like it every night -

No, and don't forget, Georgie boy,

we still gotta do the washing up!

We haven't just passed the time.

We have... filled it

with something good.

And there's a lot to be said for that because

we don't know how much time we have left, do we?

No, uh...

all I wanted to say was...

don't thank me.

Let me thank you...

all of you, for tonight.

You gave m -

If you're interested, Sir Robert, it's all set.

I can design a new subsoiler for you.

And my group can manufacture them.

But they've still got to be marketed

by a man that knows the business.

And there's the man. He started me on the idea,

and he's the man to sell the result.

What do you say to that, Mr. Birdie?

Much obliged,

but it's no use bothering about me.

You're just wasting your time.

I must say I'm surprised

and disappointed in you, Mr. Bird.

About to say the same, old man. It's a wonderful

idea and you'll have nothing to do with it.

Aye. It's a great chance to benefit not only

yourself and us, but the whole nation.

But you're like so many others nowadays -

you'd rather idle and amuse yourself.

So you won't take it, eh?

- It's not that I won't. I can't.

- Ahh,

In my young days, my dear young man,

there was no such word as "can't" in my vocabulary.

Oh, what's the use?

Look, I can't take this job

or any of the other jobs I've been offered...

because quite soon I'm going to die.

You're what?

Die. Pass on.

- Kick the bucket.

- But -

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