Last Vegas Page #7

pee your pants.

Well, give it time.

Hey, I didn't know her,

obviously,

but she sounds like

the kind of woman

that wouldn't want you spending

all your time being sad.

- No, she wouldn't.

- So cut it out.

It's enough already.

- Just cut it out?

- Yeah.

Really.

- Can I ask you something?

- Yeah.

If I threw a party,

would you be able to come?

I might.

Might's good enough.

I haven't been this hungover

in 30 years.

Shh-shh-shh.

- Everything's spinning.

- I know.

Oh, no, don't...

Oh, hi.

Guess I'll see you in the morning.

Yeah, and it'll be

great to see you.

That's a good idea.

I mean, I got all my best friends here.

You should have yours here

with you too.

Uh. hey, honey?

Let me call you back later, okay?

Yeah.

- Hey.

- Hey.

Excuse me, young lady?

Bloody Mary, please.

Extra bloody.

Sophie wouldn't want me hanging

around the apartment in my bathrobe.

- No, she wou...

- Shut up.

So I'm not gonna do that anymore,

and I'm having a Bloody Mary.

I used to like Bloody Marys.

Maybe I'll like them again.

I'm gonna ask you something.

Do you love this Lisa girl

the way I loved Sophie?

She's a wonderful person,

really great human being.

Well, that's great. I'll vote for her

when she runs for Congress.

Billy, you're gonna

be 70 years old.

Tomorrow you're marrying

a 31-year-old woman

who you proposed to at a funeral.

Now, I don't give

a flying crap about you,

but if I did, I gotta tell you,

I see a few red flags.

Tomorrow I'm gonna ask you again if

you love her. I expect a better answer.

- He left his room.

- Ha, ha.

- Hey.

- Hey.

The old gang.

We're throwing a party tonight.

Yeah, that's the spirit. Yeah, a party.

- Happy day!

- Excuse me.

- Oh, crap.

- I, um...

I just wanted to, uh, apologize

for, uh... For last night.

Uh, I was way out

of line, and, um,

you know, I had too much to drink,

and I am just really, really sorry.

I throw myself at your mercy.

I was just downloading Dean

on who you guys were.

He didn't know that you were

the heads of four very influential

East Coast families.

Yeah, I had... I had no idea.

Well, I wouldn't expect

a d*ckhead like you

to know about

legends like us.

- I... I'm a d*ckhead.

- Knuckles.

Knuckles.

Knuckles, get the guy

out of my sight.

Yeah. You know, you're a dumb

little sh*t, you know that?

- Oh, no, please.

- You don't know who these guys are?

Archie Aces,

Billy Bones,

- Sammy the...

- The accountant.

- Yeah, the accountant.

- Ugh.

Sammy the Stove, they call me.

I cook the books.

I'm just... I'm sorry.

What do we care

about your sorrys?

No, I know, I know, I know.

I don't give a damn about my sorrys.

Just please...

Shut up, shut up.

Just go get us some ice water.

When that's done, you come back,

you do some other things for us.

Maybe Knuckles here

will let you wash his balls.

Sorry, that was weird.

- Four ice waters?

- Go.

- What was that all about?

- I... You were great.

I... Maybe I overdid it.

I, uh,

obviously misread you guys.

You guys sold the sh*t out of that.

So, what do you guys want me to do?

Nothing. No, today,

you take the afternoon off,

have another drink, go to the spa.

Save your energy. It's gonna

be a big night for you tonight.

You got some thinking to do.

And we got some recruiting to do.

Yeah. We need to recruit

some talent, gentlemen.

Yeah, I want the A-list.

B... The double-D list.

That is the A-list, actually.

I like this one, although,

is she throwing up or crying?

Definitely throwing up.

By 6.

By 6?

My turn.

Yeah, now we're talking.

Yeah.

- These two, these two.

- Yeah, that... Yeah.

There you go.

Oh, here, here!

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Hi. Oh, thanks.

Girls, you remember Sam, right?

It's really gonna be great.

Party tonight.

Yeah, thanks. Oh, thanks.

If we were

able to, I would release...

I told you to put those

in one and two.

Okay. Oh, no.

- Take those back. I'm sorry.

- Where to?

Here we go. Let's do it.

Wait, are you...?

So find yourself somebody

You gotta find yourself somebody

You need to find yourself somebody

To love

Wow. You guys just cannot

stay away from me.

You wanna go someplace?

Um, let me just check

with the crowd.

Okay.

When you sing, I feel like a teenager.

And isn't that

your whole goal in life?

- Ha, ha.

- So sad.

You're right.

Can I ask you a personal question?

Ay, ay.

Okay, one personal question.

Why haven't you ever

gotten married until now?

Well, Why should I?

I get to do everything I want to do

whenever I want to.

I mean, what's wrong with that?

There's no mention of love?

No, no, no, I'm...

I'm not the falling-in-love type.

Okay.

Truth is, there was only one girl

in my entire life

that I fell in love with.

I let her get away.

Who was that?

You shouldn't have used up

your one personal question.

- Oh, you are holding on so tight.

- Ha, ha.

Oh, Mr. Big-Shot,

I know where I'm taking you.

- Take a seat, please.

- You have got to be kidding.

What's the matter, princess?

Scared of heights?

Yes, the princess

is scared of heights.

Well, I won't think less of you

if you throw up or cry.

Actually, I might if you cry.

Please don't cry.

- I won't cry.

- Billy,

I think I have to ask you

one more personal question.

Whoa!

What?

You're getting married tomorrow.

What are you doing here with me?

Well, you know

I'm getting married tomorrow.

- What are you doing here with me?

- Oh, see, I do have an answer.

I... like you.

I liked you from the moment

that I saw you.

None of which matters

if you love Lisa.

Do you?

What's...? No, no. No, no.

Oh, no, no. No!

No! No! No!

I knew you would like it.

Oh, yeah, no, I love it, I love it!

It's great.

Oh, good, because it goes

up and down three more times.

Oh, it... it's... What? Aah!

For a minute there, I thought

you were trying to kill me.

Well, you wouldn't answer

my personal questions,

so I thought I needed to scare

the answers out of you.

All right, well, Paddy and I, right?

When we were kids,

we were in love

with the same girl.

Sophie.

She's the one who got away?

Yeah.

First, you know,

it was just two best friends

competing for the same girl,

but as we got older, it got

a little more complicated.

One day, Paddy told Sophie

that she had to make a choice

between the two of us.

That night,

Sophie came to my house.

You know, she was confused.

She was young.

So she picked you.

Yeah.

Yeah, she came and

saw me first.

But everybody knew

she belonged with Paddy.

Everybody.

So I told her.

And then she went with Paddy.

Does Paddy know?

Oh, complicated.

A little bit.

You know, the boys are throwing

a party for me tonight.

Yeah, I heard.

Well, I would really love it

if you'd stop by.

Complicated.

A little bit.

There they are.

These are my...

- Those are the kids.

- Uh-huh?

And when they were younger.

And here are the grandkids.

Your son's son, and who's...?

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