Last Vegas Page #8

That...

Oh, shame on you.

You don't even know

who they are.

- Jason and, uh, Edith.

- Those are-J?

- Those are grandchildren? Oh.

- Yes, yeah.

The one with the bottle there,

she has a drinking problem.

That's a binky.

It looks like a goatee.

It does.

- I got it.

- Our first guests.

Gentlemen, you have

definitely outdone yourselves.

Yeah, I got a little something, uh,

for you, my best men.

- Paddy.

- Aw, you shouldn't have.

- Sam.

- Oh, you really shouldn't have.

Archie.

You should have.

You a**hole.

I can't believe this is your

last night as a bachelor, Billy.

You better brace yourself

for tomorrow.

But tonight, we're gonna party

like it's 1959.

- Yes!

- Yo, fellas?

I'm Stacy.

Which one of you is Sam Harris?

Hey! Come on in, guys.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

Sam!

- Sam!

- He doesn't know you.

- Do I know you?

- Yes! Come on, you don't recognize

- the Material Girl? Madonna?

- Ma... Maurice!

- Yes.

- You look different.

- Of course, of course.

- I'm sorry!

- Sam, Sam, this is my wife Susan.

- Of course, you're Susan!

I hope you don't take this

the wrong way, but

you seem like such

a conventional married couple.

- Ha, ha.

- Yeah, most people think that.

But listen,

don't get me wrong,

everyone else I brought

is just a complete freak!

- Have fun dancing.

- All right.

Thanks for coming.

- Mwah.

- Mwah. Yeah.

Hey! Hey! You've got... That's a guy.

Oh, there's a snake.

It's a snake.

Come on.

I know you wanna dance.

Yes, yes, but... But, see, I don't...

I don't know this.

Well, show me what you know.

Well, I know some things.

Everybody back up!

Back up! Give them some room!

Child, phew!

That was...

May I have this dance?

I got you, babe.

Let it go, Archie!

Hey, Lonnie!

We got a situation.

Um...

- Listen. No, no, wait.

- No, I got it. Relax.

- Let me explain to...

- Relax, relax.

- Lonnie.

- Fifty.

I thought you canceled.

Sh*t changed, man.

I'm in the next room.

- That's what's up?

- Think you can get them

- to turn the music down?

- Heh, oh, no, man.

Um, actually, these dudes

are kind of just getting started.

- Think I could come in for a bit?

- No, it's a private party.

- Come on...

- Needy. Watch him.

- All right.

- Please, man!

It's the bride-to-be!

Oh, you're gonna

need this tomorrow.

There you go.

Maid of honor!

- Grandpa Lou!

- Hey!

Thank you so much

for standing up for us at the club.

That was so awesome of you.

When you're from Brooklyn, uh, not

getting involved isn't an option.

I am so tired of

these young guys.

They are so immature.

Maybe I should spend some time

with a man of experience.

Let me show you around.

Here, let me.

There you are.

Pretty girl.

Aces, I was just cleaning up

over here.

Ah, put that stuff down.

- Go have some fun, you've earned it.

- Really?

- Really.

- Ah.

Aces, thank you so much.

Appreciate it.

Oh, uh.

- Before you go, Dean...

- Uh-huh?

Ask the girl to

dance, don't tell her.

Okay? Tell her

how beautiful she is,

not how sexy

she looks to you.

Tell her that from the time

she walked in here,

you have not been able

to take your eyes off of her.

- That's kind of true.

- Okay, then go for it.

Definitely.

I'll be damned.

The heck?

Hey, Pop! Pop!

- Pop.

- Ezra.

- What are you doing here?

- What the hell are you doing here?

- I asked you first.

- We were terrified.

You said you were going

on a church retreat.

We called the church.

Do you know how scared we were?

All right, I'm sorry, okay?

I didn't want to worry you about it.

Well, we were worried.

You can't do this kind of stuff.

You're not a kid anymore.

You know, you're right.

I am not a kid.

I'm a grown man,

who just happened to go

to one of his best friend's

bachelor parties.

As a matter of fact, I shouldn't have

had to lie about it in the first place.

- You could've had another episode.

- Let's call it what it is.

It's a stroke,

a mild stroke.

And it won't recur as long as

I take the damn pills.

If it does, I'll just die,

then, won't I?

Until then, Ezra...

Look at me when

I'm talking to you.

Until then,

I am not a feeble old man.

I've got a lot of

life left in me,

and I'm gonna live it doing

the things that I like to do.

One of them is dancing,

and the other one is having a drink.

I've danced.

Now if you'd care to join me,

I'd love to have a

drink with my son.

Heh, all right.

- Okay?

- Yeah.

Come on.

It's, uh... It's...

Wait a minute.

Uh, where was I? Ah. Yes.

- Which way?

- This way.

This is, uh...

This is where it all happens.

This was originally supposed to

be for a famous rock star.

- Really?

- Uh... Uh, yeah.

Fifty-Cent Piece.

And, uh,

he was going to, uh,

have a big deal here

with, uh, his groupies

and wild parties,

and the bed goes

around, and it's...

Now it's all going to waste.

It doesn't have to.

You don't think?

- Good, good.

- Heh.

You just wait for me one second.

I'm just gonna take a pill

in the other room.

Oh.

I don't need a pill.

You...

Uh...

Oh.

I'm so glad I met you.

Did I happen to mention

that I was married?

- Really?

- Mm-hm.

That's kind of hot.

Oh.

- Heh.

- It is kind of hot, isn't it?

Yeah.

That's better. Hmm.

Yeah.

Mm.

Mm.

The thing is...

- You don't want to have sex with me?

- Oh, oh, no, no, no, I do, I do.

Oh, God, I want to have

sex with you. A lot of it.

It would be...

Oh, spectacular.

It would be the most spectacular thing

that's happened to me in 25 years.

Uh...

Just... it... But...

The thing is...

Um...

It's crazy,

but, uh, whenever something

spectacular happens to me,

first thing I want to do

is tell my wife about it,

and, uh,

after 40 years of marriage, uh,

if I can't tell her about

something wonderful

that happened to me,

it sort of stops being wonderful.

I understand.

- It... It has something to do with...

- I mean, I get it, okay?

- She has a way of putting things.

- Will you just stop talking? Heh.

- What?

- Stop.

I really hope that I get to marry

a guy like you one day.

Heh.

I'm gonna get dressed.

You know, uh, a blowj*b

wouldn't be out of the question.

What a party, man, huh?

Thank you, Paddy.

Just a little thing the guys and I threw,

you know.

What?

What do you keep looking

at the front door for?

It's Diana.

I invited her to the party.

I like her.

That's okay, isn't it?

I mean, you said Sophie

wouldn't want me

to be miserable the rest

of my life, right? So...

Right?

No, listen, I got nothing

to go home to anymore.

I got nothing, Billy.

I mean, it's an empty house

with a bunch of photographs.

It's very depressing.

She, at least, makes me feel

a little bit alive.

And feeling a little bit alive is a lot

better than just waiting to die, right?

Right?

Are you...? Billy, what's...?

Oh, my God.

You like her.

Susan, hi.

Uh-oh.

You're getting married.

- But you're a widower.

- You said Sophie would

want me to move

on with my life.

- That's right. Exactly.

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